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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being a grumpy cow or reasonable to be annoyed with DH?

24 replies

tiredmum83 · 27/08/2022 09:32

My 2yo has been sick for the last week and I've been up every night. It started as being up every hour all night, so no sleep at all for 2 nights, and gradually as she's improved I've been getting up about 3 times the last couple of days. Cumulative tiredness means I'm feeling knackered and have caught toddlers cold. Husband said that on Friday night he would do all the night wake ups so I could try and get a solid nights sleep, and that I could have a long lie in and shower.

Last night he drank too much (2 beers and a bottle of red) whilst watching tv. He was obviously drinking a lot and I asked if he thought he would be sober enough to do night wakings. He said yes.

However last night 2yo was crying and husband absolutely dead to the world. I couldn't even rouse him so I ended up doing 3 night wakings myself as the time it would have taken to get husband awake and standing up DD would have been too distressed. Then at 6.45 when toddler woke up I read her books in our bed and still husband didn't wake up. Eventually toddler started patting him and shouting dada which I didn't stop. He has spent morning hung over. I told him to shower and sort himself out and gave him paracetamol water and coffee as if I didn't he wouldn't bother and then would just be even more useless.

It's now 9.30 and I'm going to have a shower by myself. Husband is going to take toddler to soft play and park. He's currently slumped on the sofa watching too many cartoons with toddler. I've made a packed lunch for toddler so they can stay out until nap time. I've packed toddlers bag so everything is ready - all he had to do is walk out the door.

I feel furious and resentful. When I said right I'm going upstairs now he said I'll see you before we go out won't I? And I said no, I'm going to have a long shower and do not want to be disturbed.

I'm going to take the rest of the morning for myself. I think this is reasonable of me. Or am I being a grumpy cow?

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 27/08/2022 09:34

I would do the same.

But why wasn't he sharing the night wakings during the week? It's madness that you did five nights on your own with no help.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 09:36

When a baby/toddler is ill it should be all hands to the deck.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 27/08/2022 09:37

Aww hope she feels better soon! Good on you for taking this time back!

Do you both work?

GoneWithTheWine1 · 27/08/2022 09:37

YANBU. He's being really selfish, he'd of known he was to drunk/hungover to look after toddler.
I would tell him he's doing tonight and tomorrow as well.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 27/08/2022 09:39

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 27/08/2022 09:37

Aww hope she feels better soon! Good on you for taking this time back!

Do you both work?

Just realise that was a pretty basic question from me.

I don’t think YABU at all for today as it’s the weekend but maybe during the week I would do more of the night wakes if DH had to concentrate at work. Understand looking after a toddler is hard work also though, I have one and work is easier for me but not always for some people

Topgub · 27/08/2022 09:41

Yanbu.

I wouldnt come back out of my room today. And dh would be on night duty tonight

tiredmum83 · 27/08/2022 09:41

I do freelance work from home, and do that part-time whilst DD is in nursery 2 days pw. The rest of the week I look after DD. DH has a job in an office. I guess I did the week nights since he is in a more high pressure role and meeting clients face to face whereas I am my own boss.

I was really looking forward to Friday night and Saturday morning off though.

OP posts:
KyaClark · 27/08/2022 09:42

Is that a normal amount for him to drink on a Friday night at home?

Heyisforhorses · 27/08/2022 09:42

YANBU, he has mo reason to disturb you, everything is ready. I understand you may have been doing all week cos DD wanted you/he had work, but you need rest and he needs to do half or some of the night time. He knows the week you have had and by the sounds of your post you didn't give out so the least he could have done was make sure he was okay to do last night and today. Hope you get some rest

Hotandbothereds · 27/08/2022 09:43

I’d be livid, he needs to be on duty tonight & all day tomorrow too, what an idiot.

tiredmum83 · 27/08/2022 09:44

@KyaClark not every night no, but he has done that before in a weekend evening. He is feeling under pressure with his job and openly knows he has drunk too much at times. He's said he wants to stop and concentrate on getting fit again. He's not a nasty drunk or anything, and I get why he has done it, but it renders him utterly useless the next day so I feel like it was selfish to do it last night.

OP posts:
Chumbibi · 27/08/2022 09:47

YANBU he has been selfish, shouldn’t of drunk last night and been ready to do his shift. You deserve a break, I would suggest going out/doing something nice for yourself this weekend and a full nights sleep the next two nights seeing as it’s BH

CoffeeBeansGalore · 27/08/2022 09:48

Well surely he should not drink today, do any night wakings tonight, and he gets up with dd tomorrow morning leaving you in bed?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/08/2022 09:49

He needs to do tonight.

KangarooKenny · 27/08/2022 09:51

He was very selfish and he drinks too much.

StClare101 · 27/08/2022 09:51

He clearly had no intention of doing the night wakings last night. Oh well, he can do tonight instead, can’t he?

StClare101 · 27/08/2022 09:56

Oh and I have no truck with these men whose jobs are Too Important for them to take on the responsibility for their own children.

I work with these types of men…. Doing the same job! It’s bullshit and I do t k ow why women put up with it time and time again .

mountainsunsets · 27/08/2022 09:56

tiredmum83 · 27/08/2022 09:41

I do freelance work from home, and do that part-time whilst DD is in nursery 2 days pw. The rest of the week I look after DD. DH has a job in an office. I guess I did the week nights since he is in a more high pressure role and meeting clients face to face whereas I am my own boss.

I was really looking forward to Friday night and Saturday morning off though.

If you both work, you both need to share the night wakings.

RandomMess · 27/08/2022 10:16

It's BH Monday so he can do tonight and Sunday night to make it up to you Flowers

KyaClark · 27/08/2022 10:26

I'm just wondering if it was his way of getting out of helping overnight, that's all.

Ourlady · 27/08/2022 10:30

If you know how he gets after having a drink then why didn’t you ask him last night to stop drinking as he needs to get up in the morning?
Tell him he is doing tonight instead. Bloody selfish behaviour.

Dragonskin · 27/08/2022 10:30

Well quite clearly as he buggered up the plans by getting too drunk, they should be switched to tonight/tomorrow morning instead

Takenoprisoner · 27/08/2022 11:05

StClare101 · 27/08/2022 09:56

Oh and I have no truck with these men whose jobs are Too Important for them to take on the responsibility for their own children.

I work with these types of men…. Doing the same job! It’s bullshit and I do t k ow why women put up with it time and time again .

Yep. It's time to stop martyring yourself op and treating him, his 'office job', and his sleep as being more important than you and your sleep. You need to take equal turns doing the night wakings. And he can start by doing Sunday AND Monday nights to make up for his selfishness.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/08/2022 11:26

@Whatatimetobealivetoday OP has been doing all of the night wakes all week. Hence why her partner agreed to do it last night because humans need sleep to live and she's barely had any.

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