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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this normal?

16 replies

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:23

So my 5 year old DD seems to be really struggling at the minute and I would like ideas to help her. She will not go upstairs by herself as she is scared, she is terrified of the dark etc. she wouldn’t even go on the slide at the play centre because she was scared of the warning sign at the top? Is this normal? Please help me help her!

OP posts:

carefullycourageous · 27/08/2022 06:39

It is completely normal for children to have childish fears. The issue is if they don't get over them as they grow up. You help by ignoring it and not creating drama. So you say lightly 'you can wait and come upstairs with me in a minute if you don't want to go on your own', you get night lights, you just let her do what she wants with the slide.

Has anything changed in her life? This can make kids 'younger' or more worried but it passes.

There is advice about how to help kids deal with fears - e.g. you discuss that if monsters came, they would shout for mummy and mummy would throw the monsters out of the window. There's an adult desire to say 'there are no monsters' but when you are five this feels like a lie so you have then two worries - monsters and a lying/unhelpful parent! Basically humans worry, trying to clamp down on worry makes it bigger.

I would ask her what she is scared of when she is scared and then try to help her feel safer.

Original poster

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:41

She tells me is scared of ghosts and monsters so I stay with her every night until she goes to sleep as I don’t want her to lie there terrified? Am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:

ShedHead7 · 27/08/2022 06:43

Where has she learned about ghosts and monsters, and that they are something to be scared of? Has she got an older sibling or friend that's been winding her up?

FindingMeno · 27/08/2022 06:44

Op, I used to stay with mine when they were scared until they feel asleep. I can't see that a mother helping small children feel safe could be a bad thing.
I think these fears are quite usual for children.

Original poster

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:51

The picture on the slide was just a bumped elbow? I went up with her and read the sign to her and told her it was just telling her to keep her arms inside so she doesn’t bump her elbows.

OP posts:

Original poster

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:51

It is so hard at bedtime as my 2 year old isn’t great either haha!

OP posts:

Original poster

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:52

I don’t have clue where she has got it from, they tell each other all sorts at school I am guessing?

OP posts:

ShedHead7 · 27/08/2022 07:06

Glitterslime · 27/08/2022 06:52

I don’t have clue where she has got it from, they tell each other all sorts at school I am guessing?

Yeah, most probably. I would sit her down and ask where she has heard about ghosts and monsters, and what she was told about them. I disagree about not telling her they aren't real, I would tell her that, because it's the truth (at least the ones she's worrying about aren't anyway). I would explain that they are just things that people make up to tell stories about, just like unicorns and dragons etc.
it is totally normal for kids to be scared of the dark, monsters etc, and you just need to continue to reassure her.

TomatoBrain · 27/08/2022 07:54

You help by ignoring it and not creating drama. So you say lightly 'you can wait and come upstairs with me in a minute if you don't want to go on your own', you get night lights, you just let her do what she wants with the slide.

Yes, this. Don't make a fuss, be there for her and one day she'll forget and go by herself. Then summer time comes and they forget about being scared to go up alone until the days get shorter again...

I always found acknowledging it and not telling her off was more successful that e.g. DH laughing at her. As for the monsters, I told her that there is nothing more scary than a mummy defending her baby so all she has to do is call me and then I'm the scariest thing in the room 😂

It's totally normal at this age. They remember things they've watched, read etc. their imaginations have developed. Lie in her bed in the dark and check clothes or toys aren't making weird shadows on the wall.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/08/2022 07:58

I wouldn’t sit in a room until she’s asleep. Perhaps do a “witch/ghost” hunt in her room before bed to show her there’s nothing there- and then give her something to hold whilst she goes to sleep to give her comfort.

MRex · 27/08/2022 08:03

She spotted a warning slide that she didn't understand, so she avoided it, that sounds pretty sensible and to be encouraged. Let her know next time she can ask what it says instead of worrying about it. That teaches her how to use her voice to articulate needs.

If DS says he's scared of something then I check and reassure him it's a shadow rather than a monster, or foxes can't get in the window because it's closed, or whatever. Then I say if he does see anything like that to shout for me straight away and I'll come to sort it out. He likes to go to sleep with me there, I'm fine with that.

KangarooKenny · 27/08/2022 08:08

Does she have a light on at night ?

LetsGoNorth · 27/08/2022 08:15

I think it's pretty normal op.

Youngest ds is 5 and for the past couple of months he won't go into the downstairs toilet alone after daylight starts to go...not even dark outside, just getting towards dusk is enough.

The downstairs toilet is right next door to living room, all the lights can be on but he'll still say 'it's dark outside, please come with me'. He goes into every other downstairs room alone just fine at night.

He also won't go upstairs alone when it's dark which I understand but the downstairs loo is just bizarre. But he's 5, they do bizarre things!

AnnaFri · 27/08/2022 08:24

It's definitely a phase I've seen many children go through

My eldest went through a 'wimp' period at 4.5 for a few months

It got very tedious towards the end and we started to ignore it which seemed to work

carefullycourageous · 27/08/2022 09:18

ShedHead7 · 27/08/2022 06:43

Where has she learned about ghosts and monsters, and that they are something to be scared of? Has she got an older sibling or friend that's been winding her up?

All children learn about ghosts and monsters, it is completely normal. Rumplestiltskin was scary to me!
It is vital they learn about scary things to learn how to process fear which is a natural part of every human life.
People who never feel fear are psychologically concerning and prone to dangerous behaviour.

carefullycourageous · 27/08/2022 09:20

As for the monsters, I told her that there is nothing more scary than a mummy defending her baby so all she has to do is call me and then I'm the scariest thing in the room Brilliant way to put it! They are little, and they know it, but they know their parents are big!

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