Husband wants 3rd baby

[mammaofmany]

I have always said that I want to stop at 2, husband has always wanted 4.

He asked if we could compromise and have 3... I said no because it's my body, I'd have to take the mat leave and the lions share of the childcare etc. (our circumstances mean my work is part time and flexible while his isn't).

He has made a few comments lately, nothing pushy and no serious conversations but he's clearly trying to test the water.

We have two girls. Youngest is 1. This isn't really relevant but I know he'd like a boy (not relevant because he loves the girls and would be happy with another girl too). I know some will think there's no need to decide now but, for me, it's within the next year or never. I don't want to get out of the baby/toddler stage and then go back into it again.

So as not to drip feed - we have the space and can afford it. We do have family nearby but not as childcare. I'd be doing most of the childcare due to DHs work but he is a good parenting team mate.

Lastly, the only reason I said I didn't want more than 2 is that I don't want to struggle. I worry that I'd struggle to cope, or make our currently happy life difficult. Otherwise, I LOVE babies, the whole experience is magical and I would like to do it again and add another little person to the family.

Opinions/helpful comments and words of wisdom welcome!

Take your husband out of it. You've always said you wanted to stop at 2. But then you say you love babies and would love to add another. If your husband wasn't asking about it, would you be thinking about it? If yes then go for it but if no then see if you can tell how much you would be doing it for him, as that's never a good idea. And if you've already got two the same sex you are statistically more likely to have a third the same sex so don't go there if this is having any bearing on either of your thinking.

No one can tell you how youd cope though. Some people say their third child completed their family and their older two dote on them and improved the family dynamic. And other people say their third child was more difficult and they don't have enough time or emotional energy for any of their kids now and logistics of life (different schools, hobbies, friends etc) are difficult.

What did you decide @mammaofmany ?

"I don't want to" should be sufficient reason not to. The end.

It's not unreasonable of him to ask and not unreasonable of you to say no. An extra child needs two yeses, obviously.

I'm still undecided! I know I said it would have to be within a year, but the timing just hasn't been right so I put it to the back of my mind for a bit. Recently I've started considering it again and keep going back and forth. I'm very broody though.