Part time friendship

[runtothesun]

I have a friend who cuts contact for many weeks at a time. Most recently was an 8 week hiatus. Our DC are friends and get on very well, as do we. However she makes it very clear every few months that she will get in contact with us when they are free to meet up again and then goes AWOL. I feel hurt by this but am not sure if i am being needy and should get a grip. MY DC get confused about why playdates stop for months at a time and then suddenly start up again as if nothing happened. My self confidence is dire at the best of times so I do not feel comfortable asking her why she does this, as i am worried I will come across as needy.

YABU - I am overthinking this, give her her space when she needs it and enjoy the friendship.
YANBU - she is using me as a part time friend when she wants to and I need to address this with her.

Are you sure she isn't just busy?

Or does she have a partner who works away and comes home for period of time?

I don't know. All mine seem to have fizzled out as they must see me as a part time friend.
Why I can't bring myself to do it anymore.
It must be something about me.
People always say they'll meet up but then don't

The thing I hate most is inconsistency in people. Either say hello every day or blank me every day, but please be consistent!

Sounds like you are not actually viewed as a friend. Maybe the mum of dcs friend? Does she have a closer inner circle?

The inconsistency is exactly what I am struggling with. Not knowing where i stand. She does have a close inner circle which I was invited to 'join' many years ago but chose not to because it's not really my vibe (sound baths and spiritual journeys) Our friendship thrived despite me politely declining their invite to their weekly meet.

It sounds like the normal way adult friendships work to me.

If she sees you every 2 months and that's her normal, then she's consistent. If she sees you twice a week for a month then it drops to once every couple of months, then back to twice a week, if find that really inconsistent.

I work full time, I've got commitments with elderly relatives as well as my own teens (mum taxi), so seeing friends is every couple of months for me with maybe a call in between.

I had a 'friend' who did this. I actually posted about it. I realised in time she was basically using me when she had no other options. Have no contact now, it wasn't good for my mental health. Yes people have lives but this woman was just rude to me.

Thanks everyone . Good to see different perspectives and have a think about it all.

Yeah. My experience too. Some of my closest, ‘tell anything in the world to’ friends go quiet for weeks or a couple of months when life gets hectic. No one takes offence. If she’s acting like nothing has changed it’s probably because nothing has. If you need more regular friends then maybe join a group that has something in common and meets weekly. It sounds like she also has that but it isn’t your cup of tea (totally fine, but don’t be cross when she has limited time).