To block one of my best friends on FB?

[TheLostNights]

Having a bit of a rough time. Money is tight, job is uncertain and DH and I are worried about the energy bills coming. We haven't been able to afford to go on holiday and like many, are really scrimping and saving.
One of my best friends though is having a great time. Both her and her partner earn well and now have adult kids so they have the time and money to go on mini breaks or events every weekend. She posts every weekend with them drinking lots of alcohol and having tons of fun. Life is one big party with no worries. I care for her but just feel so down that we can't do the same. I would give up FB but we don't live near family so want to keep it for contact purposes. Aibu to just block her?

What a ridiculous reach, based on a few photos from a woman enjoying herself 🙄

Life really is that great which is lovely for her but for many struggling,especially financially, then it isn't easy seeing them with all these treats and extravagance. She even agrees when people say her life is like a big holiday with lots of fun.
Snoozed it all now anyway. I'm only human and I'm guessing others may well feel the same.

I think ybu. There may have been times when her children were younger and she struggled and you didn’t and she was still your friend then. They’re obviously just at different stages of life and your time will come.

Not everything on Facebook is real and the bad stuff doesn't always show.

My opinion is that people that are too busy living their life through social media - the ones that post EVERYTHING under the sun every day - actually aren't that happy in real life and they're trying to portray the perfect life to the world.
The people that just get on and live their life are far more content with life. Not saying it's easy all the time for them, but more content with their lot.

Yep I've a friend like this

Her fb is all sunshine and happiness and positivity posts

Her real life doesn't reflect that, plus she's married to an absolute arsehole. But anyone who doesn't properly know her will think her life is great and he's mr perfect 🤮

She even agrees when people say her life is like a big holiday with lots of fun.

Well of course she agrees because right now, it is and good luck to her!

There's enough suffering and misery going round. It's nice to hear it doesn't affect everyone. I get you find it hard to see OP, but that's totally on you and it's no fault of hers.

You've done the right thing and dealt with your problem. I hope things get easier for you soon.

Don't block her just unfollow her so her posts don't show on your feed

And as for all the people saying her life might not be as great as she portrays, well we'll never know but it could well be and that's more than ok too.

Her and her DH earn well and their kids have grown. It's nice they can spend some couple time enjoying their weekends away.

Snooze or unfollow rather than block, I'd suggest. Many people on social media post as if their lives are a whirlwind of fun and excitement, but it doesn't always mean that's what actually happening in real life...

unfollow. I would gladly lose Facebook however with the exception of a few study & hobby groups which I enjoy and are useful. I have unfollowed the few ‘friends’ I have on there as I don’t want to see peoples daily life posts.

But why is it that you can't feel happy for her as a friend having an extravagant life having finished raising her children? I'd snooze if the posts are affecting you but also ask myself why. Half my friends are abroad at the moment, that's not going to happen for us for a few years, I'm still chuffed for them and like seeing the different places and things they've done.

I posted a pic of my daughter at a Country park with my mum once and one of my friends at the time said it made her feel rubbish because her mum didn't do stuff with her children. I was glad she could be genuine and tell me but also a bit sad.

I get this OP.

Not exactly the same, but I've recently 'muted' a friend on Instagram. We had babies at the same time, and while I was struggling with a baby that cried every waking hour and wouldn't be put down, she was posting daily photos at sensory classes, out and about with her husband (without baby) and seemingly still living her normal life. I was happy for her, but it made me feel worse about myself. It was a good decision.

Definitely snooze her or unfollow her!

I like to think I'm relatively sane and emotionally healthy but I have a friend who is a close friend (she always visits me when she returns to our country) but she does this thing where she bigs up other friendship on facebook but never ours. If we go out for lunch or go ziplining, there's never a picture taken! I'm no uglier than average!!
I think it's because she's still kind of invested in to what old school friends think of her/us and I was considered to be a bit weird at school. I'm not sure. I'm speculating but it does still hurt a bit. What can you say though. Big ME up on facebook

I get it would ruffle feathers because you’re not in a position to do those things, but if you block her that’s practically ending your friendship over her basically living her life. I agree you should snooze or unfollow. Neither will stop her from living her life but if it upsets you that much you won’t see it.

I presume when you meet up with her she’ll talk about her life and where she’s been etc , how will you deal with that?

TBH, I can’t understand the incessant posting everything you do in your life on social media to almost validate what you’ve done. If people feel the need to post everything on there there’s a void somewhere. My MIL seems to think we don’t do much with the kids because I don’t post it on Facebook 🙄

The thing is, my time 'won't come' unless we win the lottery anytime soon.
Everyone feels envious at times and because things are tight, it's just hard seeing them out all the time at lots of expensive events. They may have 'earnt' it but then many also deserve the same but don't have it.
It's not about being a bad friend, just about being a human being.

Snooze her. And remember that the pictures people put on social media don't necessarily reflect their lives. Sometimes reality is totally different.

Couldn't you just 'unfollow' rather than blocking? That way you wouldn't see all her posts, but could still contact each other.

Is it tone deaf to live life because it might upset other people or is it just jealously that you don't have the same lifestyle?

I'm on the fence on this one. I don't feel the need to post everything I do on Facebook as a rule as I think it's boring and attention seeking. When you have to display your whole life on social media, I find it a little sad. If you can only give it meaning by over sharing its a very shallow life. You can't just enjoy the moment.

But equally that's also ultimately the culture of social media so you can't expect other people not to do it even if it's not to your taste. And it's precisely why you have the hide feature if someone is boring the tits off you.

You don't need to judge their lifestyle as part of that though.

It cuts both ways. You don't have the right to be a gloom sponge over their life. They shouldn't feel they have to hide their life because it causes offence. Because that's utterly ridiculous.

If you don't want to deal with that, how are you going to continue the relationship in real life though? Are you going to be bitter if you ask how are things and she's honest? If you are having a hard time that's not her fault. She may actually have wisdom or empathy to give but you are already writing her off because she's not social media-ing in the correct socially restrained and compelled way for your taste.

Are you just going to insist on staying in a social media bubble that reflects your life experience and nothing else? That's not healthy.

Hiding because it's hard to see is fine. But judging her for being rude and insensitive is a step too far for me. And I do question whether you really value the friendship in the long run or whether you should just block because you did seriously consider just doing that before you knew you could hide.

I keep my fb to a really small number of people and make a point of having only friends who live far away and not locally and definitely no family. They are people I'd happily have a laugh with any day of the week. And that it. Because you simply can't take in the stream of drivel of 200 plus people posting photos of themselves having a good time, so I don't bother to try.

All the best and positivity op

It's not about being a bad friend, just about being a human being.

That's not really true. I'm not saying you're a bad friend, but it's also not 'just about being a human being' because plenty of human beings can be pleased for friends whose kids have grown, and who are now enjoying life at the other end.

I'm sorry you're unhappy OP but when your kids have grown, you can start putting a little bit by to do nice things too. It's not necessary to win the lottery.

Maybe consider coming off SM and finding other ways to stay in touch with family. To be so jealous and bitter of your ‘best friend’ living her life isn’t normal, we’re not talking private jets here, it sounds pretty standard, but your reaction to it is not.

I'm never going to be able to afford constant hotel trips, various mini breaks over the years, not think twice about buying loads of alcohol and going to an event every weekend.
I just dont want my nose rubbed in it. As I said, I have hid her posts now so not an issue. I don't think it's standard either, not many people in this climate are able to do all of that and not think twice about the cost.

Comparison is the third of joy!

She isn't rubbing your nose in it but I'm glad you've hidden her.

That's the best thing about FB settings, you can kind of tailor your newsfeed to fit.