Who pays childcare?

[Beyondbaffled]

Separated from ex DH and will be divorced soon, hopefully. 2 DC in full time wrap around childcare (5 days per week). He has the children two nights per week and every other weekend, pays maintenance accordingly.

We both work full time.

I currently pay all childcare costs.

I am of the opinion he should pay 2 days childcare or source an alternative on the days he is responsible for the children.

AIBU?

Child maintenance is worked out using overnights, so I'm not sure him refusing to have them in worktime would help the op..

He is employed, doesn’t get UC. Earns fairly well actually.

If I cancelled childcare on the days he is due to have them I’m not sure what he can really do other than recontract with the current provider (best all round for the children) - he can’t drop them off with me at 8am, I’ll be at work! There’s no way he would reduce his hours.

If he decided to stop midweek contact to be honest I’d not be overly concerned although I’d be sad for the children. I’m not convinced the current arrangement is best for them, I think the youngest in particular struggles more with the back & forth. And his maintenance would need increased accordingly.

Well if he gets them up in the morning and has to then go to work then he'd have to drop them with someone wouldn't he. OP wouldn't be there to take them as she'd have already gone to work so he'd have to pay for childcare.

Can't you just have a conversation about it

@Angelinflipflops i love your optimism but coparenting conversations don’t tend to be a rational discussion, particularly where money is concerned

That's your solution then. Probably best to let him know that you will be cancelling the two days from x date and that if he wishes to maintain midweek contact he has to make his own arrangements - and that nursery has agreed that he can take up a two days a week contract if he chooses to continue with them.

If you're worried he will cancel the maintenance, start a CMS application first, then when it comes through cancel the wraparound days.

Yes unfortunately it is true.

His only legal requirement is to pay the child maintenance, it’s in my CAO that ex is to pay or organise his own childcare on his days but he still doesn’t. It’s not legally enforceable so there’s nothing I can do, I’ve tried leaving him to it on his days but he’ll just turn his phone off and let me clear up his mess. Judges don’t care and won’t get involved.

Morally he should pay but likely that he won’t.

Do you earn significantly more than he does? If you do and when you both decided to have children it was on the understanding that childcare costs would come out of your salary, then I do actually think it's fine that you pay for it.

Otherwise he should contribute.

@DarkShade He earns significantly more than me!

Have you checked on the online calculator how much he should pay?
To be honest I don't think having him pay through them is a bad idea, as once it is sorted you can tell him that he needs to source childcare for his 2 days, get the child minder to write to him to see if he wishes to pay her, or is wanting to give them notice and source his own care.

Yes he pays his expenses on his days. Just like food, clothes etc.

Cancel the nursery for his days and go to CMS. You cant let him control you like this.

"If he decided to stop midweek contact to be honest I’d not be overly concerned although I’d be sad for the children. I’m not convinced the current arrangement is best for them, I think the youngest in particular struggles more with the back & forth. And his maintenance would need increased accordingly."

Tbh this is what you need to sort out first. Consider the contact arrangements that would be in the best interests of the children. Invite him to do mediation with you. If he refuses, or if mediation is unsuccessful, you'll have to take the legal route to get a child arrangements order.

Once the contact arrangements are established then you can work out how much child maintenance he should be paying and how much he should contribute for childcare costs.

I think you just need to tell him that you are changing YOUR contract with the childcare providers to only cover your days with the DC and if he wishes to continue to use them on HIS days he needs to get in touch with them and ask for a contract with them.

Give him and the childcare provider a months notice or whatever it is they need to change the contract with you.

I would also remind him there is a waiting list if he doesn't take over the contract and he will lose the childcare he needs.

It’s a very scary thing to do, throw a bomb into a relatively settled coparenting arrangement. The long term consequences for the children is literally the only thing holding me back, although I can clearly see hes taking the piss :(

You could give him notice of the change and give him the option of you have the DC midweek instead and then obviously the childcare costs will be yours.

You can't carry on being bullied though can you? Are you going to pay all the holiday childcare costs when they start school and sort it all out for him too 😳 basically carry on being his wife?

My post was in response to this by anothernamechangeplease

If that's even possible to argue, he would then need to pay maintenance to the OP to cover the daytime.

The op can't claim maintenance via the CMS for days, just nights.