To think rudeness shouldn’t be excused?

[habitsimtryingtokick]

I met a friend of a friend for the first time. I found her very rude.

For example she said she’d seen a reel on Instagram called worst five tops from Zara by an influencer trying on the top I was wearing and why would anyone possibly wear it - but she liked it.

Like come on. I don’t care if she hates my top but surely you keep that to yourself.

She said other rude things too. So I told my friend that no I didn’t particularly like her and she offended me and made me feel shit to be met with “no you shouldn’t feel like that and she just says things without thinking”

I just don’t think it’s an excuse and I don’t think I should put up being around someone like that.

I agree, people with no tact should learn some, you’re under no obligation to spend time with her again, so don’t.

It's quite fair enough to feel like that, and to express it, because what she said was very rude, regardless of why or why not, she said it.

If she's entitled to be thoughtlessly rude, then surely you are equally entitled to be thoughtfully honest about her rudeness?!

I hate that people excuse others rudeness by seeing “oh that’s just what she’s like” or “oh she’s always been like that” 🙄

Rudeness is rudeness. That’s it. I no longer spend time in the company of people that are rude. One of the factors of my precious divorce….my very, very rude EXmil. Yuk.

But did you say anything directly to her? I would have told her to do one and taken her down a peg or two.

Ah come on, we all say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Sometimes when you're struggling to make conversation you end up blurting out something that you can't take back. Typical of someone without the best social skills, but not indicative of a bad person.

I'm always taken aback by people's rudeness and never have a quick come back to give as good as I get.

They seem to have no filter and my filter is working over-time, then I think about it for ages after, going over all the potential come-backs I could have replied with.

But on the other hand I wouldn't want to stoop to their level, so there's that.

I’m tactless, and have the rare gift of speaking before brain is engaged. But, I would never ever say anything as appalling as that. That’s really not “being direct” or “tactless” it’s just plain nasty.

Agree. Hate people who declare they 'say it like it is' - they're normally just rude and I'm pretty sure our society would crumble if we all acted like that!

Totally.

Complete bollocks too. People who claim they “say it like it is” only “say it like it is” to people they consider to be further down the pecking order.

They would never “say it like it is” to a boss or a policeman.

I've cut off 2 people in my life who I initially saw as friends. I even said "she just speaks before she thinks!" and "She means well!" to others that questioned their behaviour.

Nope. They were just arseholes. I cut one out about 12yrs ago and the other 3yrs ago.

Zero regrets.

Some people are just dicks.

No excuse. None whatsoever. She was rude and offensive so don't see her again and make sure your friend understands that you are not interested in the justification for her friend's rudeness, you simply won't tolerate it.

Exactly how I am @CrystalCoco

I always think if I retort with something equally rude they will get upset and then I'd be seen as the bad person 😤

Agree Agree Agree! I used to excuse one of my friends for her rude and judgemental comments with the cliche saying “Oh, but it’s just what she’s like”. I ended up cutting her off because she started being rude about my friends and I suddenly realised her comments couldn’t be excused and she was just a rude ***!

yes! I had a 'friend' who started being rude to me about friends in our circle - I was always thinking "if she's rude about them behind their back, she'll be doing the same about me" but then she outted herself and was rude-about-me-to-me and that was the end, she got about two goes of it and that was it, bye girl!

Yes, you are taken aback because you're not like it yourself and you don't expect it so you never have a ready retort. It's just not in your nature. That's a good thing in itself but not much use for putting cheeky whatevers back in their box!