when to tell about pregnancy - on holiday!

[Hopelessacademic]

Not really an AIBU, more of a WWYD, but posting for traffic sorry!

I am 11 weeks pregnant, and next week my husband, 18months old DD and I are going away with his family (MIL, SIL, SIL's partner) for 5 days.

We haven't told anyone about this pregnancy yet (except nursery - had to get baby on their ridiculous waiting list), and were initially planning to wait until after the 12 week scan just so we know everything's ok. However, this is booked for the day after we get back! I really can't be arsed trying to hide it from them for 5 days, I'm tired and nauseuos and they'd be sympathetic, but I'm worried about having to tell them about a miscarriage... they'd be so excited/sad.

WWYD??

Another factor is telling my family... we could potentially tell the ILs but wait to tell mine til monday evening, but I fear if my mum found out that they knew first she'd be really upset!

If it were me I would have a private scan before you go and then tell them all. Congratulations!

@addler sorry I should have said - we had a private scan at 8 weeks and saw a little blob with a heartbeat, but we don't have time to get another before we go!

I'd just tell them tbh. It's only one week until your 12 weeks anyway. That way they'll be supportive of you on holiday when you're feeling ropey.

I would tell your family before you go, and tell the in-laws there. I completely understand the miscarriage fear, but if you were going to tell them after your 12 week scan, the alternative is (sorry to be blunt) having a secret miscarriage on holiday, or having to tell them what is happening during the holiday. I think that would be far more distressing.

You know what I think in-laws are immediate family so tell them. I’m sure you will be a absolutely fine but you could even say we haven’t had the 12 week scan yet.

Also women are conditioned into not telling anyone about pregnancy until it’s all ok but actually it’s ok to share miscarriage sadness and not carry the burden yourself. It’s no one’s fault. Obviously not saying you should worry about this, just as you mentioned it ♥️♥️.
I know what you mean though, I told my mum and dad at 6 weeks then miscarried and I was almost ashamed to tell them, I wouldn’t be now though, at the same I just get rubbish.

CONGRATS!!!

Last bit should say at the time I felt rubbish.

yes that's true thanks! Good point! I don't mind blunt haha!

12 weeks doesn't mean anything in particular, the odds of miscarriage drop each week you progress. And you've already had a scan. I'd tell your mum first then tell ILs on holiday

Aww I'm really sorry for your loss

It sounds stupid but I also wouldn't want to upset MIL, DH told me once she had quite a late miscarriage between him and SIL.
They're all lovely btw, this isn't the typical MN MIL post!

Aww thank you, don’t worry it made me a stronger, wiser person I like to think haha, I have a crazy, lovely toddler now!

I get what you mean though, not wanting to upset her, and thinking of her feelings. What does DH think? Maybe let him decide for his family and you decide for yours.

I'm glad :) I have a crazy toddler too who I partly blame for being so exhausted - she's non-stop lol!

DH thinks we should tell them when we get there but stress to them that it's still a bit early.
He's not sure about telling my family... he finds my mum slightly hard work! I'm happy to tell his family I think if he is... it's just mine I'm dithering about! The ILs wouldn't do anything like post on facebook if we asked them not to, but I'm just worried about my mum's reaction if she found out they knew first. She's a bit of a competitive grandparent tbh

From your upates I'd suggest tell your mum before you go and let your dh determine when to tell his sis.

If more comfortable to ask them not to tell anyone else, then do.

Well one of the reasons for waiting until 12 weeks isn't just because of the scan but because the risk of miscarriage is extremely low once you reach 12 weeks, scan or not. So I'd just tell your parents on before the hols and your ILs at the start of the hols. What a massive hassle, keeping it from everyone when you're living cheek-by-jowl with them all that time!

A couple of years ago I went on hols with some friends and one of my friends announced she was 4 weeks pregnant! But she told everyone because it was a heavy-drinking type of holiday and she was a heavy drinker herself so it would have been so extremely obvious that she wasn't drinking, so she just thought it easier to tell everyone than concoct elaborate lies for a whole 10 days. (And it turned out fine).