Am I over reacting???

[RRDex]

My friend has been through it lately - husband cheated. she moved back down south and was living with her brother and his family with her 3 kids for the last month.
I went on holiday with my family and offered for her to stay in our house while we were away. Give them some time alone ,some space etc.

We got home last night and although she said she cleaned the bathrooms and hoovered i am having to go through and reclean everything and there is piss on the seats. Dirt on the carpets etc.
Finding rubbish under the beds and sofas.
Games left all over the floor. Toys in the wrong rooms.
One of my daughters didnt want anyone in her room but am sure someone was in there.
She has eaten and drunk so much of our food and only left £50 to cover it.
There are at least 7 big decent loo rolls missing - they were only here 5 days/nights.
Tumble dryer has been used loads.
There are chips on the recently painted staircase hand rail.
Toys left out in the garden shed.
We have two large fish tanks and i asked her to feed the fish which she did but the behaviour of the fish would suggest they have been stressed and scared - we did tell her no banging on the glass etc.

We left at 3.30am but before we left i stripped all the beds and left sheets and new towels out for them.
We returned home at 11pm and although she had stripped the beds nothing was remade so had to remake the beds for kids to be able to go to bed.

She knows my home is my safe place - she knows all the shit and terrible life i have had and how much time and money i have put into this house to make it just right for us.
I feel a totally taken advantage of and disrespected.
I dunno where this leaves our friendship.

Am i being over the top?

OP I think you should call or text your friend and tell her that you’re upset she left your home in a state.
I can’t imagine how annoyed I’d be if I trusted a friend to stay and left my house in that condition.
There is no justifying her actions but some people are just messy and have no care for others belongings.
Did you visit her house before she moved in with her brother? Was it a mess?
I’d have to pull my friend up on this as soon as I saw it to be honest

No I don't think you're overreacting.
It was a kind offer but unfortunately she's taken the piss a bit. I wouldn't say anything - you will put your house back in order and move on and when you see her again you might remember why you like her, plus she's essentially homeless with three kids so you'll likely feel terrible if you get angry with her.
But I think you know from now onwards that your home is yours alone and others can't stay when you're not there. I have recently come to that conclusion myself, I don't want anyone borrowing my house when I'm not here, and I would remember how you feel now and stick to it.

I'm extremely surprised at some of these replies. Even if OP's friend does just have lower standards of cleanliness, wouldn't most people make sure they went above and beyond usual standards when staying in a friend's home? And it's not just about the cleaning, they've eaten loads of her food and used loads of her electric. Oh and most likely went into her daughter's room when told not to.

They left piss on her toilet seat?

OP I think I found your friend on mumsnet

I'd personally just learn from it and chalk it up to experience.

Was it just the fishes she was looking after? See it as she house sat/feed the fish and in turn also did you a bit of a favour.

It's very cheeky behaviour but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Just never offer her to stay again.

Thornethorn - why ott??

We once lent our house to some friends who by their own laziness and mismanagement were between houses. We felt sorry for their daughter who was at a crucial point in her education, I didn’t think she should be sitting Exams from the TravelLodge.
The house was clean when we got back , but the boiler had been turned off(?) as had the security lights in spite of clear written instructions to basically just not change the settings ( which didn’t stop them using anything ). They had obviously attempted to access the internet as it had shut down because the code had been breached. ( if they had asked, we would have told them it,). So we got back after a long international journey to a cold, dark and disconnected house.

We aren’t friends anymore. I used to wonder why people would behave like this, having read some of the apologists for the guest here, I see why.

Allthegoodnames - so sorry.
I am reaaly struggling to understand how people think i am ott - surely a house should at least be left as it is found??

Don't fish have a 3 second memory?

How can fish possibly be behaving in a scared & stressed manner?

😂

I don't think you're being OTT but some people are just oblivious to this sort of thing in a house. She has different standards to you. I'm sometimes horrified when I go to the houses of people I know and I'd always thought they were normal but to me their houses look like they belong on some kind of reality TV programme. I doubt she'll have done it on purpose but as previous posters have said, I think you've learned that letting people stay in your house while you're away is not for you.

Geri .. no fish are very intelligent actually.
my husband keeps aquariums … huge ones, and also looks after and maintains other peoples as a job so he knows a lot about fish.
their behaviour shows they are stressed

OP, I think you are entirely justified in being upset.
We have a lovely friend who lets us use her home when she is away. We take our own bedding, towels and loo roll. We buy all our own food, we do a thorough clean and leave presents for them when we go. And we absolutely respect spaces that are private. I don't blame you for feeling very hurt

I am in total agreement with you OP, and would be very upset if it had been me who came home to that. You did a kind and generous thing in offering her the use of your home, and she's treated it with a total lack of respect. How dare she eat your food and not recompense you properly for it, or at the very least replace what they had used? I would also have expected her to have stripped the beds, and even if she didn't put the right bedding back on, I'd have expected her to leave the beds ready for your kids, knowing that you were going to be late getting back.

If you want to, and feel you can deal with it, I'd tell her how upset you are, but if you'd rather avoid a confrontation, then I think if I were in your shoes, I would just let the relationship fizzle out, as it seems that when it comes down to it, you actually have very different standards.

I'm so sorry that your kindness was repaid so poorly.

Since discovered they used our shampoo and shower gel.
Ate loads from the freezer and pantry.

I mentioned how many loo rolls they used and she said no wonder she is so poor!!

A few weeks ago i mentioned them coming to my daughter's 7 th birthday party - i dont really want them there now - shall i just not mention it again?
No times etc were discussed..