Childcare issues - Aibu to be cross with DH?

[FrenchFancie]

We both work, I’m part time he’s FT, but due to the nature of my job the hours an really really fixed, and I can’t move them about. He has always had flexitime / core hours with a lot of flex.

for the last two years OH has done school drop off, and I’ve done pick up. It’s worked well. DH has moved over the summer to a new department and I’ve changed job locations to one another 10 minutes away from where I was. I had arranged after school club for DD as I can’t get to her school in time (I’m paying for a full session when it’s going to be 20 minutes tops but hey ho, needs must).

today DH has just said that he can’t do drop offs. School starts back in a week and I’m now scrabbling around for childcare to no avail, to the point that I might have to resign if I can’t fix this. I’m really angry that:
a) he’s left it to the week before to tell me there’s an issue and
b) it’s apparently my issue to solve, as I’m ‘default parent’.

it wouldn’t make sense for him to leave his work as he is the higher earner by far, but AIBU for being really cross about this? We don’t have any family in the area, and I don’t think I can impose on anyone to have DD every morning.

also anyone got any good ideas for how I can solve this?!? 4 fucking working days notice….!

I'd be informing him that unless he wants a divorce it's a joint issue to solve.

I would be raging if I was you
its not just your problem to fix - why on earth has he waited until 4 days before school
assuming school doesn’t have a breakfast club then a local childminder; ask friends for help as it could help short term
local childcare student or similar to help - you can get DBS checks etc

He does drop offs you do pick ups. When your circumstances changed you quietly sorted it out. His circumstances have changed so this is for HIM to sort, not you

Why has he waited and left you (both) with four days to sort it? Is this some weird game of chicken he's playing to make you quit?

⬆️1000% this⬆️

He took the new job and has zero consideration for his ongoing responsibility.

Yep he sorts out the morning childcare…

Morally you’re right, but he isn’t going to magic up a breakfast club OP hasn’t thought of, so unless he actually quits his job (which presumably is a financial disaster) my hunch is that he’d just head off to work as normal on the first day of school and leave OP to it. You can’t force him to take responsibility, as unfair as that is.

OP, why can’t he do drop offs suddenly? Has he actually asked at work for a different start time to accommodate drop offs and been refused or is he doing the man thing of not wanting to ask?

It is not your problem to solve, it is his. He needs to come up with a plan. If you want to be helpful, tell him to check the school breakfast club (if they have one), point him in the direction of childcare.co.uk and tell him to start contacting local childminders.

This...
When you can't do the thing you always do it's up to you to figure out the alternative.
Not just shrug and say its someone elses problem ... ffs.

Who leaves first in the morning? If it's you, leave as normal and let DH deal with his issue. Keep saying to him each morning, "have you sorted out morning childcare yet?" so he realises you aren't organising it.

I agree that it will probably fall to the OP to sort out, but her husband deserves some stress for trying to pull a stunt like this. So I'd be telling him to sort it out, I'm leaving as normal on the first day back and he'll just have to deal, while secretly reviewing the options behind the scenes in case he doesn't come up with anything.

This

Talk to the school. Is there a class Facebook page or WhatsApp group. Ask if anyone would be willing to walk your children to school for a small contribution. Start with the mums you know and work outwards.

With people facing sky high bills, a little cash in hand when a mum is walking to school anyway, might be very welcome.

So when he said this, what solution did he propose?

I fail to see why this becomes your problem!

When accepting the job he should have thought about the impact on childcare, rather than just merrily accepting. As you would have done if it had affected your pick ups.

My response to DH would have been "oh no, what are you going to do about it?" - he is responsible for drop-offs so he finds a solution (although I know that's easier said than done)

Has he said WHY he can't do drop offs? Something like Flex/core hours are usually business wide, or at least in comparable departments. Unless he's gone from strategy to front of house, why has he lost his flexibility?

Ask him what he proposes you do?
Fair enough he can’t quit his job, but that doesn’t mean he can’t research breakfast clubs , childminders etc.

Careful with the cash in hand suggestion. OP would have to become that person's employer if it was a regular arrangement.
Just throwing out some ideas-
Bubble childcare if you are in London or surrounding areas?
Local Facebook pages
Ask other friend's if they know anyone who can help
Koru kids although doubtful whether you would get anyone that quick.

I wouldn't be happy with your DH. What does he say about it all and suggest?

My guess would be his new team has a regular meeting first thing or something - but he needs to ask for some flexibility at least for a few weeks while something else is sorted out

For the drop offs, he's default childcare. For the picks ups, you are.

Well you can give him 4 day’s notice that you can’t fix his problem and he needs to either square it with his job either permanently or in the short term while HE finds pre-drop off care - and funds it.

drop offs are his responsibility to manage and pick ups are yours

push back.

What he has he suggested? Surely he must be aware of your work and can’t just mention this and then do nothing. Or is he suggesting it’s your problem to sort?