Eating out

[NewMummy213]

I might be totally BU but just wanted to see how the rest of you feel: we rarely go out anymore and when we do it’s to casual places. Like TGI’s etc. yesterday we went to a new place in the city which we realised after was quite “posh”. I found it really annoying.

There were like 3/4 waiters and I felt they were literally on top of us. We had our small kids and they kept coming over to fuss. They had blankets as it was outdoors and I literally just flung it on my 7 year old whilst I was trying to eat and feed the baby but the lovely waitress came and wrapped up my kid very nicely - this made me feel like a bad mum for some reason.

we were there for a relatively short time but the waiters and waitress kept coming over like in 2’s mostly I assume they were being trained up. I just felt really awkward. I’m feeling a bit low about my body image since having youngest so maybe I’m just projecting. How can I stop feeling awkward in these situations?

You’re projecting your own issues. Work on yourself…a lot if waitstaff bring trained is having this impact. It will take time but you’ll get there.

Agree op, this drives me nuts. To be fair I've not been to many posh restaurants but when I have this always happens. Every two minutes coming to top wine up etc and to me it interrupts conversation. Maybe you are supposed to ignore the staff and carry on talking, but that doesn't feel right to me.
I am assuming it's supposed to add to the experience but I want to tell them to sod off!

I have politely asked to be left alone before, and we would let them know if we needs anything.

@lalaloopyhead exactly! They kept topping the water every few mins. I just felt awkward too as I stopped to say thank you and got the eldest to say thanks each time too. It’s manners I can’t ignore them I feel.

There’s a big gap between stopping your conversation and stopping eating to thank them and being rude though.

id keep talking and then pause to smile my thanks.

if it bothers you that much, when they put your food down, just say “thank you, we will call you if we need anything further”.

If you don’t like it, you could always just not go. You’re projecting…. The waitress helping your child was not snubbing your parenting.

I would find that really annoying too (though I do think the “bad mum” bit is you projecting! That sounded like a waiter being helpful when they noticed how busy you were.)

Service at a posh restaurant should be discreet not annoying. A good waiter reads the customer and adjusts service to their preference. It may be with two young DC their reading was that a bit more of a hand would be welcome, but they seem to have got that wrong. But restaurants are having a hard time getting staff so it may just be that they are currently inexperienced, especially if they were obviously training people up.

What does your body image have to do with service in a restaurant?

They were being attentive and making sure all of your needs were met - as they are supposed to do. You don't have to stop talking when they fill your water glass or light the candles, just smile. If they ask a direct question, just reply briefly. The blanket was definitely not a judgment on your parenting. I doubt they noticed your body, you are just another customer. If you are used to noisier family-friendly places I guess you might have felt a bit exposed, like all eyes were on you and you couldn't be anonymous, but I don't think they did anything wrong.

Had completely the opposite experience at a restaurant last night when we were out for DD's birthday. We were shown to the table and someone was over within seconds to offer drinks - we weren't ready so asked if we could have a couple of minutes, she didn't come back for about 15 minutes. We ordered (eventually), it was one of those places where you order a range of little dishes to share. They completely fucked up the order and mine never arrived, everyone else was eating, food was arriving, no sign of mine. Waiting staff couldn't give a shit. Ended up telling them not to bother and ate DH's leftovers.

The actual food was OK but the service was just appalling.

I have not noticed any difference in other places we've been though, no huge differences in service standards.

It sounds like they assumed you'd need extra help so visited your table more often. Making sure your child is warm and comfortable is a lovely thing for them to do. You could have just told them you'd call them if you need anything else

They might be thinking that more activity equals higher tip.

You must of went to a very fancy restaurant if they had blankets for the kids.

Try someone less upmarket next time kids waste food most of the time anyway.

Okay 🤨

Restaurants can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes. They were trying to be helpful. It wasn’t a criticism.

I agree that overly attentive waiters are annoying. There's a happy medium between when you are shifting about in your seat, head swivelling to find a waiter and make eye contact because you need something and having them constantly interrupt your meal asking if everything is ok and trying to chat to you. I went to an upmarket place a couple of days ago (although it is something of a chain) and the staff were impeccably trained. It does make the experience more enjoyable when you don't really think about the staff at all and just really enjoy your meal & the company you are with.

I’m not sure what your body image has to do with service in a restaurant?

You also don’t have to stop eating and say thanks every time they to
up your water. Smile and acknowledge them. It’s enough.

Our local harvester has blankets for those sitting outside

Hardly the tell tale sign of a super fancy restaurant

You must of went to a very fancy restaurant if they had blankets for the kids

Is this a joke? 😂

What has body anxiety got to do with attentive wait service? This is bizarre.

Good service should be unobtrusive. I agree it’s annoying when waiters are constantly interrupting- surprised to hear it though as so many places are short-staffed at the moment and have the opposite problem.

Feeling like a bad mum and the body image stuff sound like your issues though.

Oh yes. I am not a fan of eating out here in the UK.
Europeans seem to have it just right, but it's obviously much more ingrained into the culture there.

Went to a posh restaurant and was pestered every few minutes.
A lot of it was trying to 'upsell' our meal with extra sauces/more water/wine/coffee/dessert.

Would honestly rather stay home with baked beans on toast infront of The Chase 😁

The best places the staff are almost invisible so your conversation isn't interrupted