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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be unsure about baby #2

14 replies

Newmama93 · 26/08/2022 04:15

DH and I always agreed on two kids, he has two brothers, he loved growing up with his brothers, playing sport in the yard, holidaying as a family and all that comes with it. I on the other hand am an only child, it never bothered me as I’m so close to my mum who is a single mum and we always were together growing up!

now I have a 20 month old son, DH is charging about a sibling for him and another baby for us, I feel really opposed to it. I feel sick at the thought of the time where it is me and my boy everyday ending, I feel like I’m taking something away from him and his childhood and won’t have the same relationship as I do now with him. Instead of being able to solely focus on him and enjoy every bit of him, I’ll be having to put my attention to two and it just won’t be that 1:1 bond that I am loving at the moment. I’m not fond of the idea of a 4/5 year + age gap and would rather have just one and done instead of that.

what are your thoughts? I want to cry at the thought of having another one as my son is still so needy and clingy and I’m loving these days together + I really really struggled 0-12 months of his life and had a traumatic birth.

OP posts:

vegang · 26/08/2022 04:32

If you want to cry at the thought of another then I think you are pretty sure! If you don't see any benefits then don't do it

Shoxfordian · 26/08/2022 05:35

It sounds like you don’t want another one; have you spoken to your husband about it? I don’t have kids but if I did then it would def only be one so I understand your opinion

Original poster

Newmama93 · 26/08/2022 07:07

Husband wants two! we agreed on two so I guess it’s very confusing for me to have changed my mind

OP posts:

Catch21 · 26/08/2022 07:10

Don't have another baby if you don't want one! It's disappointing for your husband but you are entitled to change your mind.

Pleatherandlace · 26/08/2022 07:13

I don’t think that number of children is something that can be decided on prior to actually starting a family. It baffles me that people make these “arrangements” and are then expected to stick to them no matter what? How are you supposed to know how you will find parenthood ahead of time.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 26/08/2022 07:19

The thing is I’m a sahm and adore being a mum, I love my son so much. I manage pretty well. I would love to give my son a sibling if it meant he would enjoy it. I guess I’m scared of losing our connection

OP posts:

DuneFan · 26/08/2022 07:21

I couldn't have considered another baby at 20 months.

Roll on ds being 2y3m and I was suddenly ready, and really broody. Don't feel you have to make the decision now (unless you are 40+), give it time and see if things change

GoAround · 26/08/2022 07:28

Don’t have a baby just to appease your husband. That said, 20 months is a really tough age and I wouldn’t be ready for another one so soon! I have a 3 year age gap between mine and it’s lovely because the eldest was at preschool and much more independent when baby arrived so balancing their needs wasn’t a problem.

WoodlandMummy · 26/08/2022 07:29

I’m pregnant with a little boy and we are stopping at one. DH was an only child and loved it, he enjoyed being the only child that his parents doted on and he’s v close to his parents now. He’s also super confident and talks of his childhood with great fondness. His friends now are so close they are like family. You can choose your friends!

I have sisters and brothers but was independent and had my own very close friendships growing up. I didn’t socialise with my siblings. In fact I just remember fighting with them as a child! I can’t think of any benefits of bringing a sibling into the world. Our son will be very loved and will have a great network around him as he grows up.

You sound v opposed to the idea of another child so don’t do it. Trust your instincts.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 07:31

I feel sick at the thought of the time where it is me and my boy everyday ending

You can decide not to have another but the above will eventually happen regardless, I assure you.

maeveiscurious · 26/08/2022 07:41

I think we raise our children to be independent of us. At some point your DS will scramble off your knee and not want cuddles or you if there is something interesting going on. It's just part of development.

I think you get broody as they grow from babies. Just tell him you are not ready and see how the next few years go.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 26/08/2022 08:13

Lol I know that, obviously.. I’m saying as a two year old I think it’ll be a lot for him to deal with! I love when he’s independent and off playing. I just feel slack dividing my attention when he’s little

OP posts:

Original poster

Newmama93 · 26/08/2022 08:16

I think as he still wakes 4-5 times a night, wakes at 4am and breastfeeds 5 times a day I still feel like I very much have a baby. Time will tell! Thanks everyone

OP posts:

PeloMom · 15/05/2023 06:48

We also agreed on two before marrying. Had one and I decided I’m done (various reasons including some you mention). Communicated this to DP who initially wasn’t too happy. For me was clear- he could have two kids (another one with someone else) or be with me. He chose the latter and seems quite happy now enjoying every moment with our DC.

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