In laws, Covid and pregnancy

[oneOff12]

I’m having a lot of mixed feelings here and would like some outsider opinions please.

Im currently 18 weeks pregnant with an existing 1 year old dd. We have come to visit the in laws abroad at their home, and on arrival at the airport we are collected only by the MIL as FIL is in bed with a cough, temperature and positive Covid test.

His positive Covid test was last night and he had two negative ones afterwards. I’m honestly slightly horrified that they didn’t tell us before arriving especially considering my pregnancy, dds age and dh being asthmatic. I am very sure they were worried that we wouldn’t come if they’d told us as they are obsessed with dd (first and only grandchild). We have previously fallen out about this obsession but since made up. (Though I have to try and ignore when MIL calls herself mummy to dd - not intentional but subconscious I think).

AIBU to be outraged that they’ve put our health at risk so that they could see dd? Or because he had two negative tests does that counteract it? MIL has also been coughing. I’m actually in shock and so stressed and have no idea how to put on a pleasant face tomorrow.

You travelled on a plane, who knows how many on there have Covid, known or unknown. You can't hide yourself away from it. Get on with it.

Unforgivable, really? Having an opinion is unforgivable?

It's not all about you, FannyFlapz!

You can post whatever you like on Mumsnet, however silly. I'm sure Coconutpie and Aquamarine meant that OP's MIL!

No you can't avoid it entirely.

However you can actively avoid a known positive case where you will be in close quarters, especially if you are more vulnerable.

Covid put me in hospital.

Covid doesn't really worry me anymore, had the vaccine, had covid twice, it was fine. That being said, I thought the general etiquette now is if you have a cough or cold and are planning on seeing people, you let the other person know and let them decide if they're comfortable with meeting or not. The fact that your FIL tested positive and your MIL did not tell you before you set off, is really shitty. I would be annoyed as it was incredibly inconsiderate and selfish on their part.

I would be furious and tbh , not got in the car!
I wouldnt be forgiving PIL at all.

Covid is not good for asthmatics, but downright dangerous in pregnancy, for you and the unborn baby.

I could not forgive this either. They have put themselves before the health of your whole family.

I second @Natty13 comments. Please research parental alienation.

Absolutely unforgivable. I could never forgive this and I would never go to see her again

This argument makes absolutely zero sense to me.

When I get on the train, it's entirely possible that someone could get on with a bomb and kill us all. It would be a bit silly to never get the train because of this, though.

But if someone got on the train and said "hello everyone, I have a bomb that I may or may not detonate", I think it's fair to say you would probably leave the train.

I would be furious. This would be bad enough at the best of times but you're also pregnant, your DD is young and your DH is asthmatic! Your PIL have been very selfish here.

Also, watch out for her behaviour with DD. A relative of mine was like this with her GC and it got worse, mum says no, grandma says yes. If mum tried to stop her child from having something, grandma just bought it or gave cash. The teenage years were awful.

If you have a cough/cold and are planning on seeing people, out of courtesy you surely let the other person know and let them decide if they're comfortable with meeting (or not)!
I suspect she thought you'd not visit so kept her mouth shut. I'd be booking into a hotel and "visit" them outside at a distance! Certainly wouldnt want them breathing all over you all !

Mil was deceitful to the people she should be most loyal to.
Good enough reason to go home.

If he has had 2 negative tests then I personally don't see the issue. I appreciate others are more anxious about covid, but I'm totally over it having had it several times, as has most people I know.

I'm so curious as to your partners thoughts on his parents decision to not let you know beforehand?

This is where I’m torn, but I think even having one negative test and symptoms is reason enough to tell people at risk? So they can make the decision on whether they want to risk it or not?

He’s really not happy. He raised it with her before we left but in a very calm and measured way. Which is probably good in the long run but to be honest I wish he’d been a bit more harsh as I just don’t think she really grasped what she’d done wrong

That’s really selfish of them to do this to you and not pre warn /or even give you the choice to think about it.
I have just had covid at 20 weeks pregnant but I was lucky it was just a blocked nose it can be much worse so I have been told.
if I were you I’d get dh to tell them that you are both very disappointed with them
and you won’t be seeing them again until they can have some consideration and respect for you as a family.

I would hit the roof and move to a hotel straight away.