To not want to spend my whole birthday with my toddler?

[lineandsinker]

Bit of context first…

Single (but amicable co-parent) to toddler DS3. Share childcare 50/50. I’m a teacher so have looked after DS full-time throughout the 6 week holidays. Ex-DP has taken the weekends as had no annual leave left to take.

It’s my birthday next week. Not a significant birthday, just a birthday. Ex-DP is off on that day due to Bank Hol.

Ex-DP and family have been acting like I’ve grown a third head when I’ve suggested that I want to do my own thing on my birthday and not spend the whole day with DS. I was thinking a nice morning / brunch out with DS and then afternoon/evening with friends on my own.

AIBU to want to spend a large proportion of the day with my friends and not my DS? Don’t get me wrong: I love him to pieces and he’s the light of my life, HOWEVER, he’s at the lovely age where everything is a negotiation and every decision in my day revolves around him and his needs (rightly so). I would just like to take some time to enjoy my birthday on my terms.

It wouldn't be for me but you're not unreasonable at all, it's your birthday and you should spend it however you want.

Yanbu. Your entire identity isn't your child, it's perfectly reasonable to want to go out with friends to celebrate your birthday.

Yanbu

6 weeks in whole charge of a toddler is very intense. How can your ex not have any holiday to take in the entire summer? If you're doing all the weeks in summer surely you're saving a fortune on childcare? He can do one extra day surely

I can see why you want some time without DS after 6 weeks full time, but are you suggesting not spending your birthday with DH? So you have a family morning and then swan off to celebrate leaving DH at home with DS? Because I’d find that a bit hurtful if my spouse did it.

Different couples have different relationship norms, so may be it doesn’t apply to you, but we’ve always celebrated things like that together. Time to yourself, great, I understand, fully support, and DH should probably make sure you get that (by taking time off work when he does have holiday available if necessary. But heading off to celebrate something personal without me I’d see as a bit of a pull back from the relationship. Is that his perspective? Or does he have form for just trying everything he can to avoid being in solo charge of DC?

@NumberTheory It’s her EX-DP not her DH!

@NumberTheory did you miss that it's her ex partner? They may be amicable but I don't imagine she wants to spend her birthday with him

Stop talking about it with him. Ask him what time he's picking up/having sprog dropped off.

This is the answer! Keep your business to yourself x

I think you’ve been too kind having your ds for 100% of the holiday when your ex dh should have been sorting out 50% of the childcare. I wouldn’t be making the same mistake again.

it’s a totally normal thing to want to
relax and spend time with friends on your birthday. Especially as you’ve just had 6 weeks of full on ds time! Do
nor feel guilty or unreasonable about this.

So when has your ex DP taken his holidays? Obviously not to look after DS?

Definitely NU. I worked school hours, and when I switched jobs to "normal" I booked my October (usually term time) birthday off. My DH asked if I wanted him to take the day off too and take our then 2 year old out of nursery for the day. I said it was a lovely idea, but absolutely not! I wanted a rare day to myself to sit on the sofa, watch trash and eat cake and that is exactly what I did! Definitely go and treat yourself to some well earned time off!

For Fucks sake at least read the post properly before writing such a detailed reply!!

I did totally miss that, rereading I’m not sure how! Sorry OP. Your Ex and family are nuts.

No way are you BU. Absolutely bloody not. A few hours to yourself on your birthday out of the whole year is minuscule.

You deserve it.

So you’ve helped ex with 6 weeks of weekday child care and he is questioning your one day for your birthday?

Do they think your life should be about DS only, whilst his isn’t?

It’s good you guys are amicable, but does ex realise what a massive favour you did for him?