To feel so much guilt and regret

[Cloudydayz]

So, I had an abortion almost 4 years ago when my daughter was 6 months old, I know lots of people don’t agree with my choice and I completely respect that. My husband had walked put on me and felt it was the only choice I could have made at that time to protect my existing baby and give her the life she deserved. I feel guilt that I got in that position as I was always so careful but the way my husband and I was at the time (I just wanted things to work) I guess it just slipped my mind. I think about what could have been everyday and have had therapy, I’m really struggling.

You did what was right for you at the time.

Its easy to look back on ourselves and think we should have done something differently but we’re not that person anymore.

Don’t be hard on yourself.

Such a difficult position to have been in. Just focus on your intentions at the time. You did it as you felt it would be best for you and your daughter and that is all that matters.

Have you had any therapy? You did the best thing you could possibly have done with what you had at the time. You did the right thing for your baby. You did. I promise. Please be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you would a friend you love in the same position.

It must be very hard but you made your decision in light of the circumstances you found yourself in
Did therapy help
Do you have any one up can talk to in real life
Try not to be too hard on yourself 💐⚽️

I didn’t make the decision on a whim, I did pro’s and con’s lists and analysed everything. At the time my daughter came first and it would have been selfish of me to go ahead. My daughter is the most beautiful little girl and I am so proud of her, I honestly hope she never has to make that decision.

By my reckoning your husband was 50% responsible for u being pregnant in the first place, and 100% the cause for you getting the abortion.

So I’d say put the guilt in its proper place, ie not on you.

As already said, it was the right thing for you to do at the time, and as you said you needed to be able to support the child you already had.

I would have done the same. What would you say to a friend if this had happened to her?

Its so easy to look back years later and wish we’d done things differently.
But we make choices that are right for us at the time. You made the choice that was right for you and your daughter at the time.
Allow yourself to move on.

I think I am going to look at more therapy, I have tried everything to move on, I think about it at least daily and shed a tear. What kind of mother would make a decision like that, it was just impossible!

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, it sounds like you were going through a lot of trauma at the time. You did what was best for you and your daughter at the time.

OP, most women who have abortions are married with children already. I am one of them. We could absolutely afford/have space for another child and thought we wanted it. When it came to it though, it turned out I absolutely desperately did not. We are fortunate to live in a country where we get to make a choice. It’s ok not to want more children, or not want more children right now. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mother. being physically or financially able to doesn’t mean you should or that you want to.

I strongly urge you to seek additional therapy with someone who has expertise in this area.

You shouldn't feel guilty.

Blimey OP you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your first duty is to the child you have and yourself.

You and your husband are both responsible for birth control, so that’s no more your fault than his, and he’s the one that walked out.

I know it’s a tough decision but it was clearly the right one. There are over 200,000 abortions a year in the UK. Many of those women are mothers. Do you think they are all bad mothers? Or do you think many are good mothers for choosing to terminate when it’s in the best interests of their existing children? A responsible parent doesn’t have more kids than they can handle.

Go back to therapy with the aim of putting it to bed. Perhaps you were too close to event to have perspective the first time, and that will be easier now. Remember you owe it to your DD as well as yourself to focus on the future.