To not want this promotion when back from Mat leave?

[MatLeaveHelp]

Want to get opinions on whether I am being unreasonable as DH and my family all think I am

I am currently 6 months into my first maternity leave, and have been offered a large promotion when I go back to work.

It's such a big step that I'm a little bit scared (especially since I would have been off for 14 months prior) that I will have lost my ability to work at the level I am now, let alone a higher one.

Another issue I have is that if I don't like the new role or suck at it, I can't leave for 12 months otherwise I will need to pay back my enhanced mat leave (full pay for 6 months and they also offer half pay for the following 3 months so it would be a sizable amount to owe)

Third biggest flag for me is increased travel, I enjoy traveling and have already been on a few flights with DD already but it would be international travel at least once a month, with a strong likelihood of an international move in the next couple of years based on how they see the role progressing.

DH thinks I am selling myself short and doubting my abilities, he is also shocked I would snub such a large pay rise (currently earn £80k a year and the new role is on £150k a year plus 20% bonus, car allowance etc.)

My family and friends all agree with DH but I just have such a niggling doubt on whether this is the right move for me based on not knowing what I'm going to be like at work after mat leave, what if I get epic baby brain and can't even type a coherent email! The new role also involved people management which I have never done before and not 100% sure if it's for me either.

So AIBU to 'waste' this opportunity or are my concerns valid/would you take it?

Hi OP. Firstly, congratulations on the baby and now the chance at promotion!

In short: the only thing I would have a problem with was the international travel once a month. I mean it sounds great, but with a baby? Probably not ideal. Do you think you could make it work?

But in terms of not being able to do the job - please don't doubt yourself! You've got this! But I do understand it is probably very overwhelming!

What I meant above was do you have the childcare to make this work

Thank you, it's so overwhelming and I have no one irl who is objective to discuss this with

DH is a relatively high earner but in a manual role and I grew up in a council home and so my family aren't the most objective as they hear the salary and just say go for it and think I'm silly for being scared.

Work already have a breast milk transport package for new parents when they return if they have to travel for work (so they cover the cost of chilled transport for expressed milk if they ask for travel up to 12 months after any mother returns to work) but outside of that I have no idea how traveling so much with a young child will work.

I might love it, I might also hate it and as I can't predict the future I'm leaning towards expecting the worst and making my choice based on that which is unreasonable apparently!

Ah sorry read this after my reply

On the child care front DH would just have to cover it

He can work flexibly so it helps and has said he doesn't mind 100% of the responsibility for 4-6 days/nights a month but again, he says this now but if he changes his mind a few months in we are stuck a bit.

Goodness me. If you have ambitions for your career I would NOT let this one slide.

I got a decent promotion up the corporate ladder whilst on maternity leave and went back at 9 months. Yes it was harder going back into that than my old role but no way was I going to go mummy track. I also kept BF until 18 months.

I wouldn’t worry about the idea of an international move at some future point. That may or may not happen and if it does but you don’t want to go then deal with it then - at least you’ve had better paid years PLUS better paid to get senior well paid roles elsewhere. Also if you want another child you’ll be better paid for that Mat leave.

I also wouldn’t worry about the what if I don’t like it or can’t do it well bit. First the time period will fly, second if the whole thing is a disaster I would be very surprised if they didn’t sort something else out for you, whether a different/lower role or an agreed exit. Can you really envisage them having to say “yeah we overpromoted a woman on Mat leave, it hasn’t worked out, we want her out and we are demanding contractual Mat pay back”? Very unlikely indeed, it would look awful. Also - would a man be saying “ what if I am no good at it”? Would he hell.

what you DO need to do through ensure is (1) you have excellent childcare in place, ideally a nanny and (2) that your husband is fully on board and willing to be a hands on parent and equal household manager rather than expecting you to do 80% of it and expecting a medal when he loads the dishwasher. Also outsource cleaning and Landry, putting Tesco delivery away, all those sorts of things.

Thank you for this, really helpful reading through

Regards ambitions honestly I've never thought about it, I have been extremely lucky to get where I am (never went to uni, grew up in a council house and never wanted a big job or career and just managed to fall into it)

But the more I consider this promotion the more I feel I want to do more, but I'm just not sure if straight back from Mat leave is the best time to do it.

I flit from one side to the other so much and I'm worried the fact I even have such concerns is a bad sign.

I need to tell work in the next few weeks so I've had pro con lists coming out of my backside to try and force me to decide one way or another.

The only positive I have in my mind is that it's a new role so I don't have the stress of being benchmarked against a previous role holder.

DH is very hands on anyway, he took 3 months paternity leave and is more than happy to take on 100% of the load when I am abroad, but my concern is he is saying this with our current baby in mind, not a demon toddler that she might become

Hardly the only positive, is it? Almost double your money, major career progression, management experience, international exposure etc. loads of positives!

I get you might like this later but TBH my experience, personal and from watching it play out around me, is if you say not now you probably won’t get asked again. I suspect that you’re suffering from imposter syndrome and looking for an out. Up to you of course but you may kick yourself later if you don’t.

Any hypothetical demon toddler is future you and DH problem. By that time it will be the established norm you go away and if it really becomes too much for him (and remember many women cope with covering partners working away) you can always up the childcare arrangements then.

It sounds like you are a really capable valued employee. Go for it! Ask for some additional training if you feel you need it, but don't sell yourself short. Power mama - love it!

I'd go for it. It's an amazing opportunity for you and your family and it sounds like you're just doubting your own ability

It's really tricky. I took on a new Head of position in a new company after maternity leave, excellent pay, bonuses, car etc and it ended up being too much for me personally (and I've very career focused). I was travelling frequently to London (from North of England) working FT plus extra hours in the evening. My DS was a bad teether and woke a lot between the ages of 1-2, I was absolutely exhausted. My DS started hitting me (I think for attention as I wasn't around) and that was enough for me. I found an 'easier' job still in my industry and left within a year. I have then spent a number of years working in roles 'nearly full time' 4 days per week 28/32/35 hours per week, increasing over time as he's got older.

You don't have a new company in the mix, so at least you know the culture, but I would say this may only work if your DH can step up/you look at more flexible childcare like a nanny. The idea of international travel sounds off-putting, are you confident that your DH or any family can support all childcare/pick ups/drop offs as well as illnesses? Children tend to get ill frequently in the first year at nursery picking up all the bugs. How do you feel about not always being there for your child. If you're pulling in that type of salary, I would imagine you may find it hard to take lots of emergency time off.

I'm 8 years on now, and only just making it back to the level I was when I had my son. I was chatting to him about it the other day as I'm looking at new jobs and a promotion. I told him I'd made sacrifices and could have been earning £xxxk amount when he was little, but decided it was better for us as a family to be there for him.

It's a really personal situation, I also think you will only fully know how you feel about returning to work and leaving your child when you do it full time.

Best of luck whatever you decide

Do. It.

It's the only major positive as I'm not convinced I want management experience, I've coached people before and didn't overly like it so not sure it's the direction I want to go into.

I also already have international exposure just not every month.

On the salary front yes it's a big increase but not out of reality that I will get there in a few years if I do pass this promotion up now. There are opportunities for a full international move (with much higher salary in line with this promotion) over the coming years which I am confident I'd get.

Thank you for this alternative view it's really helpful seeing others experiences as I have no one in a similar situation to speak to irl

Culture is another slight concern, my workplace is very fast paced and I somewhat lucked out in my role and team that we seem to be shielded from the demands, but the new role would be a lot more stressful and I'm worried I've become a bit too comfortable.

Going to play devil's advocate here as someone who earns significantly less than you. I am due my first baby this October and I have never been more pleased about my very plain job. My work life balance is wonderful and I have zero regrets about choosing this path, especially now with my little one on the way. I'll be going back after 6months but know that when I do, the pace will be comfortable, the work familiar and my day will still end at 4pm before I make the 5 minute walk back home. I may look at moving up in the future, but for now I'm so happy this is what my lifestyle is.

I too gained a promotion whilst on maternity leave with my last baby. Whilst nowhere near the same sort of pay scale as yourself, it did involve a move into a management role.

I initially accepted but as my return to work date neared I got cold feet and withdrew my acceptance, returned to work into my old position. 2 years on I now regret turning down that opportunity, I could have done it but I let fear of the unknown dissuade me.

I'm not miserable in my current job, nowhere near in fact, just a bit miffed I let this pass me by.

This is another niggle for me

My current role is relatively easy for me to do, I used to put in a few hours work a day and have so much flexibility which I think would be beneficial when back working with a young child.

I was also planning to put a flexible working request in when I came back which wouldn't be doable for the new role based on its remit and travel requirements.