Is this grief weird?

[AceSpades54321]

Sorting through the attic and going through the kids old baby and toddler stuff, crying my eyes out. They are still alive, just older! I feel like I’m grieving toddlers that don’t exist anymore though. Is this weird? I absolutely don’t mean to diminish how parents of children who have passed away feel. Just feel great sense of loss, but feel unreasonable for feeling it.

I don't think I would cry about it 😊but I do know what you mean. Because as you said, those gorgeous little toddlers just don't exist anymore and yet they were our children! It is weird.

I don't have kids but I think lots of parents do experience what you're experiencing. My own mum definitely did.

Totally understand, very normal I'd say

I think this is fairly normal (well that's what I tell myself, anyway!) for certain personality types.

I'm quite a sentimental person, although I didn't know this until I had DC. It's a beautiful thing watching your children grow and learn and become their own people, but there is a also a tinge of sadness in their growing away from us too.

The child you knew back then has gone. They will never be back. They are a completely different person than the little baby you held to your chest and snuggled. Of course you can grieve them. I often cuddle my 15 year old but also get sad thinking of when I used to be able to pick her up and kiss her little toesies!

Tbf the thought of those tosies now fills me with horror. I'm those shoes get left inside her bedroom for a good reason 🤢

The toddlers don't exist because you've been fortunate enough to have watched them grow and move onto the next phase of their lives. It's a true privilege to be able to do that and see the people they are becoming.

Feeling nostalgic is fine, but 'grieving' is very odd.

We’ve just moved house, when clearing the loft out I found a lot of baby things, and although I didn’t cry, it definitely dragged up some strange emotions.

My girls are 18 & 15 now.

Totally understand, mine are more or less up, and yet still find myself harking back to the toddler days ( I seem to forget how hard they really were!) but still find myself reminiscing.

Unhelpful but things like this make me think I really need to stop and enjoy the moment so much more with a 3 year old and another on the way. It’s all too easy to constantly focus on the next stage and miss the one you’re in - and eventually they’re all gone and they are just adults and it’s too late!

Normal for me!

I think it can feel like mild grief or loss, parenthood is about giving your kids the increasing independence to gradually separate from you and live their own lives.

I found the toddler years difficult and I love DDs as teenagers so much but it's easy to get teary over old photographs.

There was a time when I couldn't listen to "slipping through my fingers" by Abba without bawling my eyes out.... didn't affect me at all for years before that!

It passed for me, but it is not weird at all.

I’ve got a four year old off to school and an 8 month old. I shouldn’t be this emotional about it already but it’s definitely real. There’s a quote in Modern Family which always sticks with me… literally dreading the day 😭

Jay: You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.
Waitress: Jesus.
Jay: Oh, I don't mean to be a bummer. I'm just saying it goes fast. Like the expression... "You never know the last time you pick up your kid."

I used to take my DD (now 8) to a baby/toddler music group, it wasn’t the usual well known nursery rhymes, it was their own original songs, she loved it and we also had their CDs at home, used to sing them all the time. When I’ve had my second DD, now 18 months, that group wasn’t on all that time to covid. Then one day they were doing a special one off session at a family festival thing, so I took both DDs along. When I heard those songs again, and saw my older DD half pretending to roll her eyes at to uncool-ness of it all but secretly loving helping her toddler sister shake the maracas and join in the actions, the tears were involuntarily rolling down my face!!!

@ChickinMarango oh gosh, that's just set me off! So true.

Parenting is a series of letting go, a little further each time.

I think "bittersweet" is the word to describe it. Also, the rose-tinted specs are strong when gazing backwards - I'm currently on holiday and there a lot of parents being tested by their toddlers nearby! I'm sure we had the same battles, I've just erased those memories 😂

Yes. Mine are teens and while I found the toddler stage hard I regret not spending more time just playing with them, and wish I'd taken more photos and especially videos that I could enjoy now.

Ffs that's me away 😭

Ah OP you're so cute. I get it. I once had a (PMS-induced) cry about how I'll never be a little kid happily parked in front of Brum on a sick day off school again!!

Haha my DM and I can't even look at each other if this happens to come on the radio when we're together!

Sorry @MorrisZapp @SingingSands I don’t like to suffer alone 😂

Thanks everyone, you’ve made me feel so much less alone 🤗 and you’ve made me feel less weird. I love the support in this place 💕