Why are in-laws like this?!!

[summerdays12]

So visiting my in-laws this week with my DD who is about to turn 4.

I haven't seen them in over 2 years as they were living abroad, now back.

Anyway! My DH had to work so I went to visit them just the two of us..
All fine until day 2 when father/in-law after a lovely walk at the playground - he didn't come along! - starts saying to my DD "come here and teach me the alphabet"
DD was tired and thirsty from the walk, didn't say anything.
I then said to her to come and have a drink of water, some snacks..
Just got her away from him.

Later there was some comments about how their neighbours grand daughter is 4 and already been at school for a year or more.. I tried to explain that must be daycare...children don't start school until 4..

Anyway the point I'm making is why do some people try to make a point of testing your child!

By the way my DD does know her alphabet, I'm not worried about her at all.

I'm staying with them for a few days.

I'm wondering if I should ask direct why the sudden interest in her knowing the alphabet !!!

Your phrasing “got her away” is really weird and over-protective unless you’re about to drop a massive backstory. Her grandparent hasn’t seen her for 2 years and tries to interact with her so you whisk her away, that’s not nice at all.

If she doesn’t know the alphabet yet, you could have said something like “she’s still picking that up but she knows her numbers/is great at colouring/whatever she likes doing” and redirected them to do something else. If she does know it but wasn’t in the mood to recite it, again you could have redirected more kindly than you did.

Kids learn through play. Learning the alphabet is a perfectly normal grandparent-grandchild interaction. As is learning colours/numbers/songs/fairy tales. I don't see the issue here at all.

I feel sorry for your inlaws. They wouldnt be able to do anything right. Youll find fault with everything

My Grandad taught me loads, how to tell the time, fasten shoelaces, read to name a few. He even taught me how to wire a plug at about 7 lol. I have great memories of our time together.

A lot of older people call pre-school/nursery/whatever 'school', especially the ones that have uniforms. He's clearly not suggesting there's anything wrong with your child, FFS. He's literally just making conversation about the school system and how it works.

As for you thinking you need to 'get her away from him' because he wanted to engage with her and let her show off her alphabet knowledge... sorry, but what is wrong with you? He's just being a grandparent? Most kids absolutely love being able to 'teach' adults things and show off what they've learned. My nephew's absolute favourite thing when he was four was for us to ask him to show us how to count to 100 because 'we'd forgotten how the numbers went' and then he'd do his counting, to rapturous applause, and be incredibly pleased with himself.

You say yourself that she does know her alphabet, so that's not an issue, and I'm not sure why you imagine everyone should be aware that at the age of four she needs a drink and a snack to recuperate between playing and having a chat. Plenty of kids would be absolutely fine to tell grandad the alphabet while you were making her a drink or whatever, and you can't expect people who haven't looked after a four-year-old for about thirty or forty years to have the same instincts as someone who is with small children every day. She's your kid, so of course you can read her moods and you can immediately tell when she's getting tired or hungry, but you can't expect other people to do that.

FGS you're being massively oversensitive. He wasn't testing her, he was engaging her in conversation over something she probably knows. And most kids would love showing off 'listen grandad, I know the ABCs' and the grandparent then gets the chance to say WELL DONE you clever girl.

Yeh sounds like someone without loads of experience with kids. I don’t have DC but have often said to friends kids “can you count to 5/10/20” as an activity and something to talk about. I generally have zero in common with a 4 year old so not sure what else I’m supposed to start a conversation with.

I agree with everyone else. 'Teaching me the alphabet' is just a random tool he grabbed to engage her in conversation as he doesn't know her well. I've actually used that myself to engage a child. It usually works unless they're too shy with a new person. Not for one second would anyone think he was 'testing' her.
He wanted a chance to praise her, probably, to make a positive vibe for her.

YABVVU

@Crayfishforyou ah ha! Current advice is spit, don't rinse! So you did actually win 😀

I'm wondering if I should ask direct why the sudden interest in her knowing the alphabet !!!

Oh come on!

I think this too... If he wants to teach her the alphabet or to read/write, why don't you suggest that he develops a whole educational programme for her in the mornings while you have a lie-in? Assuming he's a loving grandparent and not an ogre, he'll soon learn to chill out with a child that age!

My PILs are lovely but very anti-screentime so I tend just to hand DC over to them to amuse and have a secret smile to myself sometimes when I come back to find that they've caved and DC is having 'just one' episode of Paw Patrol before they ice cupcakes/build a wormery/do painting in the style of Picasso.

Am thinking @summerdays12 won't be coming back