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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fund my own Mat leave

33 replies

KL921 · 25/08/2022 04:38

Lying awake worrying about money so thought I’d ask the views on Mumsnet….

I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant with DC2. Long way to go but just starting to think of costs / what we need to be saving now for Mat leave.

Up until recently me and my DP earned roughly the same so have always paid equal for everything. For DC1 we were each able to put an amount each month into a special savings account which I then used to cover my share of the bills etc while on Mat leave, essentially paid myself a salary from it.

Obviously this time around we have a lot less disposable income due to childcare and a massively increased income. We manage, but neither of us have any aside at the end of the month to save.

I’ve just had a pay rise so will now be taking home around £200/ £300 a month extra.

My plan is to put this aside over the next few months and during the full pay part of Mat leave and then use this money (alone with nursery fees saved when our 30 free hours kicks in) to pay my half of the bills while I’m in the statutory / unpaid part of Mat leave.

Does this sound reasonable? Or should I be asking my DP to try to contribute?

We each put in a set amount a month into a joint account to cover bills, food, DC1 etc. The rest (maybe £200 each) is currently ours to do with what we want.

We each have equal savings of around £5k.

I can’t think of any other way around it unless I go back to work after the full pay period of Mat leave is up.

YANBU = sounds like a good plan

YABU = DP should be contributing in some way / it’s not just on you to cover the costs (ideas welcome!)

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 25/08/2022 06:29

Why don’t you have joint money? It’s madness not to when you have kids.

StripeyDeckchair · 25/08/2022 06:39

Of course your partner should contribute towards funfing your maternity leave.
It's your joint child, joint hope, joint DC and finances should reflect that.

hearmywomanlyroar · 25/08/2022 06:41

Joint money is the only fair way once children are involved. Also, don't go PT unless you're married.

DisforDarkChocolate · 25/08/2022 06:42

If you both have £200 a month free he certainly should be able to contribute in some way. I think saving it all yourself sets a precident for treating childcare etc as your expense.

ILoveAnOwl · 25/08/2022 06:45

I earned more than my ex during pregnancy (and before and after) so I saved up so I could could keep contributing my share. He couldn't save money he didn't have.

ChloeKellyIsAnIcon · 25/08/2022 06:50

So you currently both have around £200 for yourselves, but after the pay rise you'll have £400? In that case it seems reasonable for you to put aside the £200 to fund your maternity leave. I'm surprised the above posters don't agree. Surely that's the definition of shared money (because you'll both be left with exactly the same for spending money after meeting all costs)?

Morph22010 · 25/08/2022 07:07

Just make sure you know exactly how much you will be saving when the 30 hours kick in as it’s not always as much as you think

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2022 07:09

ChloeKellyIsAnIcon · 25/08/2022 06:50

So you currently both have around £200 for yourselves, but after the pay rise you'll have £400? In that case it seems reasonable for you to put aside the £200 to fund your maternity leave. I'm surprised the above posters don't agree. Surely that's the definition of shared money (because you'll both be left with exactly the same for spending money after meeting all costs)?

Agree with this.

category12 · 25/08/2022 07:10

Of course he should contribute, he's half the reason you need to take maternity. You're supposed to be a family and a team.

Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:19

Our money is definitely joint for the most part, as I said we have a joint account that the bulk of our money goes into which covers food, anything for DC, days out, take aways, plus bills and childcare. We both then have around £200 each we keep on our personal accounts, to be honest this works well as it means if he’s going out for drinks then he’s paying for it himself and likewise if I want to buy something new for myself I don’t feel bad dipping into the joint account.

He will still be paying his 50% of everything and obviously if we need to use savings that would be split.

But it feels unfair to ask him to contribute further than that when he only has £200 a month for spending on him (and in all likelihood with bills etc going up it will be less than that next year!)

However I’ve read threads on MN of similar situations before and seen that people have different views to me so thought it would be interesting to see what people think.

OP posts:
Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:20

And yes @ChloeKellyIsAnIcon I’ll be taking home £200, maybe slightly more, extra than him a month when they pay rise kicks in.

OP posts:
Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:22

@Morph22010 good point! I’ve had a rough guess based on what friends have told me but do need to check that out.

OP posts:
Intothewoodland · 25/08/2022 07:24

It seems completely fair to me. Say as an alternative you each saved £100 a month towards your maternity leave and your pay rise is £200/month, well that then leaves your husband with £100 a month spare and you with £300. If I was your husband I would very much resent that but I see married couple and families as a team.

user1471457751 · 25/08/2022 07:25

Given that the pay rise will see you have £400+ a month compared to his £200 you should either save the discrepancy yourself or split the increased income with him and then you can each save half.

Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:30

@hearmywomanlyroar out of interest why shouldn’t I go PT? Asking as someone who is already PT but genuinely curious!

OP posts:
Tonysopranosghost · 25/08/2022 07:33

Seems fair to me, you both a already have the same spending money each so anything over hours into the joint pot. It's just that this extra will be getting saved for maternity. As long as he does the same if he gets any pay rises/bonuses then i don't see the problem.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 25/08/2022 07:33

Will the money you save be enough to get you through your entire mat leave?

Haus1234 · 25/08/2022 07:36

Is £200 pm enough for the period you need? If not, any extra saved should be from both of you - eg if £300 is necessary then £250 from you and £50 from your DP, then you still have equal spending money left.

Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:37

@loveisagirlnameddaisy It would tget me through the statutory bit (along with money saved from 30 free hours kicking in for DC1) and then we’d probably have to look at both using savings for any unpaid Mat leave. So it depends how long I want to take really. Very fortunate that I get almost six months at full pay.

OP posts:
Classicblunder · 25/08/2022 07:37

KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:30

@hearmywomanlyroar out of interest why shouldn’t I go PT? Asking as someone who is already PT but genuinely curious!

There is an assumption on Mumsnet that going part time means that you have less job security/promotion opportunities. I am sure that is true for some jobs - it isn't true for mine (public sector), I have been promoted several times while part time and could go full time any time I wanted if I needed the money quickly

Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:38

@Haus1234 That’s a pretty good shout!

OP posts:
Original poster
KL921 · 25/08/2022 07:39

@Classicblunder Same here, I’ve been promoted since going part time and I could go back to full time if I wanted. Part of this reason I’ve stayed with my employers so long, they’re very flexible and supportive.

OP posts:
RoobarbandCustud · 25/08/2022 07:40

What @ChloeKellyIsAnIcon said.

LionessesRules · 25/08/2022 07:41

Why does DC1 need nursery if you are at home?
Just use the 30 totally free hours, and book FT places for both kids when maternity ends.

As above, is 200 a month enough savings? I agree with equal spends left, so your 200 pay rise should be the first contribution, but nothing to say you both don't then co tribute a further X.

hearmywomanlyroar · 25/08/2022 07:41

That is a good point to be fair @Classicblunder. I suppose what I meant is don't give up your career without marriage. If you have a secure job and can drop to 4 days and retain the ability to go back to FT if necessary then that's one thing. What is a terrible idea (unless you have the security of marriage) is stopping work altogether or dropping hours dramatically or taking on eg a low paid job that fits around school hours.