I’ll try not to let this be a ramble,
apologies if it’s a bit long though. I would really appreciate any help or advice.
I have horses at the most amazing yard with fantastic facilities. It’s fairly rural and a massive property- there’s an owner living at the yard but the arenas and fields (turnout and riding) isn’t within eyeshot and it’s at the side of the yard so whilst I could run there for help, if I was in the fields or back arena I would be totally alone until I could run back..
im absolutely fine going myself and I actually find it really peaceful- there’s floodlights and it’s just me and my horse. I bring a hot flask of coffee and once we’ve ridden, I do his bed and groom him and as daft as it sounds, its how I unwind after work.
but I’ve got a family member with a bad history. They haven’t bothered me for a while and I’ve no reason to think they would start now, but I guess it’s always in the back of my mind that they’re unpredictable and anything could spark it all up again. They were previously violent and once we got away from them, stalked and threatened us and just generally made life hell. We had a panic button at one point because they threatened to cut my throat (it was just an empty threat just to scare us)
Like I said, they haven’t bothered us in a long time but it’s always in the back of my mind that they potentially could. They have contacts everywhere and could easily find us if they wanted, but we’re not that far away anyway.
I guess the tragic case of Gracie Spinks has made me realise how vulnerable an environment like a rural yard can make you, and it should be safe but potentially it could not be, especially for those with history of stalkers or abusers and so on.
just to clarify, I am NOT saying I’m scared of what happened to Gracie happening to me. I don’t believe that will happen. He’s not going to bother us anymore, but I suppose my family member has always been in the back of my mind (I avoid going to the town he lives in and don’t really like going out myself or being home alone because he’s always in the back of my mind) but for some reason I was never scared of him when I was at the yard myself because I love it and it was like my safe space and I wasn’t going to let him stop that. I guess hearing about Gracies story has made me realise that even that’s not safe too.
Im in my early 20s and still live at home with my family and I’m the only rider so whilst I can ask someone to come with me sometimes, I can’t drag them with me everytime especially in the cold dark winter nights. They don’t like me going myself anyway (they don’t think it’s safe for girls/woman to be alone in the countryside, as sad as it is because it should be) but I have to go myself in the dark sometimes because it’s dark at 3.30 in winter and I have to go after work.
i know I can’t let this family member affect my life or control me anymore, and like I said, he’s left us alone for a long time now, but it’s always been in the back of my mind that one day it might start up again.
when I was a child I had basically accepted at one point that one day we would be one of those families on a documentary where the stalker/abusive family member killed them, as tragic as that sounds. It used to terrify me but I really thought he would ‘get us’ and I just had to accept it. As I got older I stopped letting him control me or scare me, and he since started leaving us alone
I don’t want to be scared in my safe place with my horse. I have lights, I text my family when I’m there, I usually go when others are there but that’s not always possible from work, I check in with the owner and I take all safety precautions, but it’s so rural and I suddenly feel so vulnerable and I guess I’ve scared myself now
I don’t really know what I’m asking for, but does anyone have any advice? Thanks so much in advice.