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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have a home birth, if you lived across the road from the hospital?

32 replies

VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 22:53

Recently moved to a lovely new house and I'm pregnant.
Baby is due end of December. We live across the road from the hospital. I've had 3 terrible births there and just don't want another birth spoiled by them again.

I'm wanting to know of people who's had one, what was it like? How did it go? Did you feel it was the right choice?

I'm worried that god forbid something could go wrong or that it would be too stressful as we have 3 other kids who would be here too. (Hopefully in bed) and who's to say it would happen at night it could be during the day. But also I have precipitate labour.
My first was 45 minutes,
Second 15 minutes and third 25 minutes so I'm also worried the midwife wouldn't make it in time.
Just don't know what to do?

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 24/08/2022 22:54

I would have done with DS2. But we’re half an hour from any maternity unit even by ambulance so I wasn’t up for it.

Snugglemonkey · 24/08/2022 22:57

If I were that close I would definitely go with a home birth. I would love one now but I just feel it is too risky given my previous section.

Original poster
VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 22:58

I'm so nervous about it. I don't know a thing about what to expect and would I be able to use gas and air at home? I'm just not sure. But this hospital is so bad.

OP posts:
Akite · 24/08/2022 23:01

Yes I would. I had two lovely home births in a birthing pool. Also precipitate but not as quick as yours! More like 2.5 hours. You can have gas and air at home, I had planned to but didn't need it, the pool was enough.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 24/08/2022 23:02

Dd29 was a planned home birth, 10 mins from a choice of hospitals, it was fabulous (especially compared to the nightmare birth of ds32) and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I wasn’t a bit old for childbearing.

you’re an astonishingly quick deliverer though, would you even get across the road?

Original poster
VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 23:02

Did any of you have the kids popping in and out? This is another issue as mine are so bloody nosey they'd have a field day 😂

OP posts:
holidayhonesty · 24/08/2022 23:02

I had both mine at home and I'm 10-15 mins from the hospital. They were both very positive experiences.

Were your other births complicated or relatively straightforward?

Original poster
VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 23:05

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime
I have no idea! I've always gone in as soon as I've felt a pain after the first birth. The first birth I was induced and it didn't work, so they kept me in and said they will try again in 24 hours.
And just before they was about to start, the labour started and out she came. We did have a car then to make life easier and we didn't live as close as we do now to the hospital.
So wasn't too bad.

OP posts:
HorribleHerstory · 24/08/2022 23:06

I’ve only ever had babies at home, never tried a hospital. What would it bring to the experience? Would you even get there in time? How did you ever get to try gas and air with such quick labours?

holidayhonesty · 24/08/2022 23:07

VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 23:02

Did any of you have the kids popping in and out? This is another issue as mine are so bloody nosey they'd have a field day 😂

😅no my eldest went to my mum's. I didn't want him to be in the house. Although I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd gone into labour at night. But I know that other families do like to have their other kids there so it's not unusual to do that.

Sibleycress · 24/08/2022 23:08

My second was a planned home birth and we moved house to a different country the weeks before she was born! DC1 played in the garden with her nan while her sister was born in the lounge!

DC3 also a planned home birth, an hour away from the nearest hospital. Dd1 and dd2 played outside whilst baby was born.. All three were water births. Bit of a theme going but we stopped there with the babies 😅

USaYwHatNow · 24/08/2022 23:08

Midwife here-what are your concerns when you say that the hospital spoiled your birth experience previously? The midwives who attend your labour and delivery at home will be employed by that hospital, unless you employ an independent midwife? You can have gas and air at home 😊 the midwives will bring it with them, along with a delivery kit and basic life support equipment for you and the baby. You could also hire a pool if you wanted to for pain relief? Some community midwife teams have pools for hire.

They will need space to set up for any baby resuscitation so bear that in mind and you will usually have two midwives in attendance unless you are super duper quick!

ArielFelix · 24/08/2022 23:08

I had a homebirth for my second and it was so lovely. The midwife brought gas and air with her, so if the midwife reaches you in time (my midwife was about 30-45 minutes from us calling to her arriving but we are in a small town with no hospital) then you should have it available to you, presuming it doesn’t differ by NHS trust.

My 2 year old slept through the whole thing (Labour started at around 2am until 7:30am) and his bedroom was directly above where the pool was 😂

YellowRoad · 24/08/2022 23:10

I generally don't like the idea of homebirths, but if you live across the road from the hospital, then I would probably consider it.

Original poster
VanillaIce1 · 24/08/2022 23:11

@HorribleHerstory I couldn't deal with the pain so they've always just given me the gas.

I asked for an epidural with all 3 but
obviously never got that far to have it.

My last birth whilst I was screaming for the epidural the head was already out.
The midwives kept ignoring me and saying I was only 6cm dilated and had their backs to me. It was only when my husband looked and see his head out they spun into action.

Just as I'd delivered the Anesthetist? Can't spell, was at the door asking if it was us who'd asked for him. Was the worst experience ever and the most painful one I've had Sad

OP posts:
knackeredagain · 24/08/2022 23:12

Yes, I did. Hospital was 5 mins away so I had him at home. My neighbour, a doctor, made the very good point that if I needed emergency surgery the midwife would call ahead and I’d be in theatre in the same time as it would have taken to go from the delivery suite.

Im so glad I did too. My first birth was fairly difficult and medically managed whereas my second was lovely. I don’t regret a thing.

DS went to my mum’s when labour kicked in. Mine took a lot longer than yours though.

Fifthtimelucky · 24/08/2022 23:16

I had one with my second because I wanted a water birth and that wasn't possible at my local hospital.

A home birth wouldn't have occurred to me but one of the midwives suggested it and, as my first labour had been straightforward, I thought I'd give it a go.

It was much less stressful than the first and I highly recommend it. I did think carefully about the length of time it would take to get to the hospital in an emergency (30 mins) but if I lived very close as you do, I would have no hesitation at all.

I was given a list of the senior midwife who would be on duty on each day in a 2 week period, and it all worked very smoothly.

A couple of weeks before my due date one of the midwives came round with a box of stuff including gas and air, which we kept in the garage until needed. If I'd had wanted any pethidine I'd have had to ask for a prescription and collect it in advance, but I hadn't needed it for the first so didn't bother for the second.

PinkPlantCase · 24/08/2022 23:16

I had a Homebirth and I don’t live across the road from the hospital 🤣

It was pretty great, I am so so glad I was at home.

There was very little mess as I had a birth pool, the midwives did all the clearing up and putting the pool away. It was my first baby and I needed stitches by they could do those at home too.

It wouldn’t hurt to contact the Homebirth team and talk it through. You can always plan a Homebirth but decide to go to hospital when the time comes if you want to.

DashboardConfessional · 24/08/2022 23:16

I might if I'd had 3 low-complication births, but had I had a second I personally wouldn't have stayed at home. I also had precipitate labour and associated uterine atony/PPH with a lot of blood loss. So did my mum - she went into shock. I suspect number 2 might be the same.

Howmanysleepsnow · 24/08/2022 23:24

No home births, but I also had precipitate labours (55 minutes, 50 minutes, 35 minutes…. 2.5h for dc4).
We discussed home births for my second and 3rd but I was told that all they could guarantee was a midwife attending within 6-8 hours (so basically, no midwife). I lived 5 minutes drive from the hospital. Have they given you any idea of the likelihood of a midwife actually getting there in time?

Mossstitch · 24/08/2022 23:26

I insisted on home birth for my second for various reasons. Nobody to look after first and hated the hospital experience that I had had having him. Baby number one slept through 4 hour labour, woke up on cue about 3 am after his brother was born, dad went to settle him and fell asleep with him🙄 Was much more relaxed, didn't even need gas and air as I could do my thing which is pace and squat (not strapped to hospital trolley with monitors and drip😐 I find the pain much worse on my back) and nice to be in own bed afterwards. Although was a little surreal having GP stitch me up with husband holding a lamp for them to see clearly😳

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 24/08/2022 23:29

Yes.

I wanted a homebirth with my DD (first baby) but had GD and was induced early so wasn't possible.

Honestly even though I wouldn't do it due to safety, what I really wanted was to just have the baby at home, completely by myself and then call the MW afterwards to check all ok. I didn't want anyone to be with me.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 24/08/2022 23:33

I was put off home births because someone I knew at university had cerebral palsy as a result of his mum having to be moved and taken to hospital during his delivery. In such a case it wouldn't matter whether you lived across the road or a few miles away.

That said, I know lots of people who have had very successful home births and felt it was a much better experience . But it was too difficult for me to overcome the fear knowing how it had affected this one person's life, I know that rationally such eventualities are probably quite rare.

SnooozyTree · 24/08/2022 23:39

Precipitate labours here too. Would have loved a home birth, but decided with the speed of labour I'd rather get to them than be stressed waiting for a midwife.

Had 2 very stressful experiences where staff didn't believe I was really in labour only for baby to be born a very short time later. Not as bad as yours, but so stressful and I was very resentful afterwards.

On the 3rd, I rang ahead to say I was on the way in and have a history of very fast labour. As soon as I arrived, I asked to be examined straight away due to very fast labours. I was ready to keep repeating that and make a nuisance of myself to make sure I was taken seriously, but I didn't need to. Straight to the delivery ward and even though baby was born within the hour, I felt very relaxed and happy. The baby's arrival still caught the midwife by surprise, but because I felt relaxed it was a very positive experience.

It sounds like one of your biggest issues/fears is pain. Especially after the trauma you describe. Let's face it, you're very unlikely to have time for an epidural. So it might be worth doing some hypnotherapy, or similar, to give you some coping mechanisms and help you get through it more comfortably.

Hadjab · 24/08/2022 23:42

I had my third at home. I vowed I would never set foot in a maternity unit again, after having encountered a really shitty midwife with my second. She was adamant that I wasn’t ready to push, when I could feel my son’s head practically by my knees. I told her to fuck off, which she did, and my son was born five minutes later. One of my best friends is a midwife - she delivered my daughter, and it was absolutely the best thing ever.