Half arsed DH

[halfarsedDH]

I need to have a moan.

By the time my H gets home from work, the baby is usually asleep. The toddler is on her way to going to bed and rarely in bed, by the time he comes home.

Toddler is going through a phase where I need to stay in the room with her until she falls asleep or she'll scream endlessly.

H comes home from work, eats and then plonks himself on the sofa, TV on loud- as if he has no worries in the world. Toddler is running around, I'm holding baby as baby is fussy.

H looks chilled. TV on loud. I ask him his me by putting the bay to bed.. yes yes fine. He keeps on letting baby cry. At some point he just decides he can't be bothered and goes downstairs. I can still hear baby crying.. just a half arsed job really. He didn't get baby to sleep at all.

I ask him what he's doing and why he's left and he just starts screaming at me to leave him alone, really loud screaming.

I rarely ask him to help me put the kids to bed. He shouldn't have abandoned the baby and left it to me to sort out. I asked him again the other night to help me settle the baby while I was eating. He tried for about 5 minutes and then aborted the operation and just left. I was in the middle of my meal and he just went for a cigarette and again, left me to sort out the baby. I had to abandon my food.

We are going on holiday with the kids next week and we talked about needing arm bands etc and a few more things. He just signed and looked so sad. He said it's going to be an absolute nightmare and how hard everything is going to be and ' such a massive effort ' etc.

I let him get away with not doing that much around the house and with the kids, because he has a very demanding job and isn't home much.

But come on! The couple of times I ask you to settle the baby you F Off and then lose your shit with me when I ask you where you've gone. And the one time you're actually able to spend time with us on a holiday, you're already loathing the fact that you're even going ? Like we are such a nuisance for you ?

I just can't help but feel he's an absolute man child and just can't get his head around family life and what it entails. Surely a loving father should be jumping for joy that he's going to finally spend uninterrupted time with his kids he never sees ? He shouldn't already be loathing it.

I get it, I'm stressed too and I want a break too. But I wouldn't behave like. I just think he's really selfish and only thinks about his own comfort levels at all times and not ours.

You need to get it out of your head that you are not asking him for help , you are asking for him to pull his fair share.

I think you need to talk to him about this not at the time of need but maybe after the kids have gone to bed. Talk through all the house hold duties, child care duties, also acknowledge his work too and then agree on how to divide up the work.

When you're both at home the house hold and child care duties need to be split roughly 50/50.

Bloody hell you need to change the dynamics of this relationship.

How demanding his job is really doesn't matter to - he's still a parent and if he gets home and there are parenting jobs to do, he mucks in and does them.

I think it's also his attitude that bugs me big time

He needs to learn when you have kids holidays outing etc become more about them than you. He needs to learn to enjoy activities with his kids. Does he spend time alone with them? Maybe he needs opportunity to be more hands on when your not there.

He needs to learn that indeed. He's barely been on his own with them. I don't think he's really bonded with them much. That's not because I don't want him to, it's time that he never has. Or when he is home, he always has something more pressing to do that can't wait ( house stuff or car stuff for example ).