To do this anyway

[tireeeeeeeeeedofit]

DP and I have been together 6 years, I have 2 children to a previous relationship and he has 1.

I work some days during the week (term time for school hours) and every weekend (14 hour shifts Saturday and Sunday) He works away most weeks, Monday-Friday (10-4), stays in hotels, home Friday night until early Monday morning.

My sons go to their dads every weekend and I work every Saturday and Sunday and he gets his daughter every weekend.

I do not stop. I have very limited childcare so I'm either working or with children (absolutely fine of course).

He stays in hotels all week, has a very easy job compared to mine - now it isn't a competition and I won't say what because it could be outing, but think of an NHS job in an extremely busy hospital compared to a job that he is sent back to the hotel most shifts hours earlier than expected because the job isn't ready for his input.

I keep on top of the house, washing, appointments, schools for mine and his DC when his EX can't be bothered to parent (a lot) despite them going to different schools at different parts of the town, walking the dogs, vets... everything and probably more. He comes home on a Friday, tea made, fridge full, house ready for his daughter with things she's needed etc, bath ran blah blah .....

Now, I have a VERY rare weekend off work - first one this year - and I don't have my sons for 1 night of it and he has his daughter for the long weekend.

My question is, AIBU to book myself into a hotel for the night (Saturday) and just take myself off. Probably just in the next town? I wouldn't necessarily do anything but that's exactly what I want to do, NOTHING!

Well I thought it was a brilliant idea ... however, when mentioning it in passing to my DP he isn't happy at all. Doesn't understand at all where I'm coming from, thinking I'm wanting to be away from him, his daughter, he's done something to annoy me, is something go on etc and I'm just baffled by his reaction. I've explained, at length that I'm burnt out yet he doesn't buy it (?).

So, aibu to just do it anyway and sod DP not being able to think like a normal person and to see where I'm coming from? I want a full nights sleep (my sons are horrendous sleepers always have been - think 4:30am starts every day!) I want to have a long bath and to have no one banging on the door or DP shouting if I'm ok do I need anything am i getting out. I want to have a wander around and not think where are the kids, are they warm, cold, hungry, I want to sit in the hotel bar and enjoy a book and a glass of wine with no one asking me questions or having to entertain anyone, I want to go up to the room when I feel ready, get into some pyjamas and get comfy on my own, I want to sleep without having to nudge someone to stop snoring, I just want to be me for 24 little hours.

Is that too much to ask?

Oh and if it makes a difference - finances definitely allow for it

Go for it.

Goodness knows I understand how you need the sleep, but when do you ever see your DP?

My ex husband once booked me a premier inn, when our boys were babies and I was on the verge of complete exhaustion and it saved me I think!

do it. And make time to do it as often as you can!

We do see each other quite often despite at first glance.

We have Friday nights, we have before and after work on the weekends, he doesn't work away every week. Through covid he didn't work at all so we had a solid two years (other than me being at work but I kept this to weekends during covid because of the children) of being with each other. It probably evens out as 10 days of the month he actually works away, some jobs are close enough to home so he'll leave on a morning and travel home on a night

That's what I'd do! Just a clean budget hotel will do

100% do it!

Do it and blooming well enjoy yourself!!

Do it!! But if finances allow, go a bit fancier! Somewhere you can truly relax with a nice bath. Even better if they have the hotel with the bath in the room near a TV!

Oh that sounds heavenly and you totally deserve it. Go for it!

YANBU to go.

I've explained, at length that I'm burnt out yet he doesn't buy it (?). He doesn't HAVE to buy it. He's not in your body or your head. Of course he doesn't instinctively feel why you'd want a night off at a hotel, he stays in them all the time. But he's not a child; he can understand that someone who isn't him might sometimes like to do something he wouldn't. In your place, I'd not be impressed by his implication that I'm lying.

Anyway, you've told him the dates, he hasn't given you any reason why he needs you at home, so go and enjoy it and don't let him make you feel guilty for a moment.

Do it, but I'd book something that definitely has a bath. Premier inns sometimes only have a shower.

I can see both sides. I see how you're exhausted, but also I would be upset if my partner didn't want spend any of his time off with me. It sounds like you don't ever spend any time with your partner in a normal week?

Could going away by yourself Friday night and most of the day on Saturday be a compromise?

Do it and book somewhere fancy! 💐

I get you 150%. Do it anyway. He'll never get it. And leave him some housework to do at the weekend. Don't be selfish and take it all😂😂😂

Is that too much to ask?

No. But the fact that you felt you needed to ask is worrying.
You don't need his permission to leave your own house on your rare 2 days off.
You don't need his permission to take yourself to a hotel.

You also don't need to be his default childcare. Or the sole adult who does any bloody housework & life admin. How has it come to this - that he has it really cushy while you never get a break? Is he incapable of doing household chores, batch cooking for the week, organising dogs & kids on a weekend while you are at work?

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Then you can't have read OP's post very carefully.

You'd be upset if you'd managed to burn your partner out by expecting her to do EVERYTHING at home, while you work a soft job & stay in hotels, being looked after by staff all week, while your partner acts as unpaid staff in your shared home?

You'd begrudge them 48 hours to catch up on sleep, recharge, & get some much needed & well deserved personal space?

Also OP ... what is your living arrangement - do you own or rent, who is on the mortgage/tenancy, & did you set up home together, or one of you move in to the other's place?