To leave post it notes

[TwitchyJerk]

I am very unwell and hardly have energy to do anything, in a lot of pain. Have constant twitching so can't sleep until exhausted. Been in a&e x2 requested by g.p in the last month and waiting for referrals.

I've had to stop my antidepressant, change contraceptive, cut out caffiene, and not allowed a glass of wine while I'm being investigated so it's fair to say I'm more than a bit emotional and stressed.

I don't know if/when I'll be able to return to the job I love.

Husband is lovely... in companionship and affection. But lazy. He has stepped up... to doing almost his fair share of the housework/ "cooking", and I'm still trying to do what I can when I can. E.g bulk cook a batch of pasta and sauce, and other very simple foods. Trying to make life easier for both of us, and accepting jobs like hoovering won't be done as often.

Today he is working a late shift. I emptied the dishwasher this morning and put some chips in oven, and veg on boil for our lunch.He served food and then took plates back to kitchen. Left for work.

Later I went kitchen and saw plates, mugs, pan, tray, tongs, salt all over the side. Then into bedroom: dirty clothes on floor next to laundry basket; airer still full of dry clothes, as he has taken his 3 tshirts (! Because he will sweat at work) from the drawer rather than the airer so the ones on the airer still need to be folded and put away.

This gave me the rage. Husband "forgets", "didn't realise" "doesn't notice" argh!! He's a grown man who holds down a job. So why like a child at home?

To be fair he did take the bins out this morning (forgetting to put new bag in bedroom bin and completely forgetting bathroom bin).

So I went on a slow and steady rampage around the flat with post it notes e.g.
Why is this on the floor?
Hang your bag up
When will you take these bits of salad out of the bottom of the dishwasher?
How many months will you leave this bag of stuff from cleaning out the car by the door?
Etc etc etc

It's made me feel a little less mad. I wonder how he will react and whether he will actually do all the things on the post its.

Argh maybe I'm being an ass and should now just accept living in squalor. I know it's stressful for him to, me being ill... but come on!

No LTB please, I need him to drive me to my appointments... lol. And love him also.

Can you afford to get a cleaner in for a one off or send the washing out to be done just for a week.

Does your husband work full time? It's a little unfair to expect him to do that and all the household jobs.

The post it notes would fuck me off and I would go on strike.

By the time you have written the notes, you could have cleaned the salad from the dishwasher for example.

I know it's aggravating and I totally sympathise with your situation but I think the post it notes will likely do more harm than good and just get his back up. Maybe you could write up a chores list or just write a daily things that need doing list on a whiteboard up in the kitchen?

Are these things upsetting you because your quality of life has been so diminished and now you're stuck in the house stewing? I don't mean that in a mean way but if you were able to sleep, enjoy yourself and work would you be upset or has he actually got worse?

If it's possibly the former I'd avoid fighting over it if you can. Write it down and let it go, your health is suffering and taken lots from you. Don't let it take your relationship from you too.

If you can work out practical solutions, cleaner/rota/splitting tasks differently it'll be better in the long run. Sickness can put a big strain on both sides of a partnership.

If he hasn't seen the post it notes I'd pick them up if you can. Maybe write them on a list as things you can tackle together and see which ones you think you can do.

Single people manage to work full time and pick their own clothes off the floor and wash their own plates. She's hardly trying to press him into hard labour.

A cleaner is something I would definitely like but at the moment I'm about to run out of sick pay so it's not realistic. :(

You'd think writing him a list would help, but I've tried. He loses the list. Forgets about the list. I buy him a diary so the lists can go in there and not get lost. He doesn't look in the diary.

I can't physically get down, reach in and get the salad from inside dish washer.
Yeah there are a lot of things I could do for him, but equally why should I be tidying up after him.

Yes he works full time. As I do when well, while I do all the house work. He is not doing all the housework now, a lot is just not getting done and I'm still doing what I can.

There's a few hours until he gets back from work... maybe I'll relent and take the post it's down...

Very passive- aggresive actions. I had a manager that used to do this. She was extremely unpopular with my collegues. If my husband did this to me i would not be happy.

Take them down, it sounds like last thing you really need is a fall out. Keep them though and hide them and use it as a tick list he doesn't know about. Ask him to do the first one as soon as he is in from work and hover awkwardly until its done. Them leave him a bit and ask him to do the next one in a while. One at a time will make him feel like he's helping without being treated like a child. I think often ( I'm generalising I know) men don't see the jobs like salad removal. Mine is amazing at the washing up to the point of putting it away. If I don't do it he just washes more presuming because he has no pants in his drawer they must all be dirty. The idea. That someone needs to remove it from the basket and put it in a drawer has never been considered.

Best I don't tell you what I would do if I came home after a day's work to pa post-it-notes around the house.

I'd take them down. But say to him (not as soon as he gets back from work) that there are a few things bugging you that you can't sort so when he's next doing housework can he let you know so he can do those jobs first?

On a practical level have you thought about getting a grabber, like the litter pick ones? My mum had one after surgery and since I'm at the "if it's on the floor it's dead to me" stage of pregnancy I've considered one. Not for doing his chores but just as a practical help for you.

Can you swap any jobs? I hate vacuuming and never ever do it, but he hates washing clothes so I do the clothes he does the vacuuming. I'm your husband in this scenario btw, drives my husband crazy how forgetful and messy I am.

@Oncilla that's a good idea thanks.

I've already ordered a stool so I'll be able to cook things that take more than 5 mins hands on time. The other day I sat on floor to chop up a bulk load of vegetables for roasting on a low table. Husband said he felt sorry for me having to do that, but didn't offer help. I didn't need his help, I don't want to become incapable of doing things for myself. I'm trying to work smart not hard.

Usually I do the tidying though, run around and do all the little bits that he ignores. But I can't do that any more.

The other day my mum visited and offered to do the hoovering... "that would be great, it hasn't been done for ages".... she didn't though.