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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the childminder?

36 replies

Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 14:49

Hi all,

Need outside perspective on this. Trying to leave contract with childminder. Told her I was removing him with immediate affect. Contract stated flexible days until first week of September where it will switch it fixed days full time. Baby started settling in days but we have decided to pull him out. The contract stated that we have to pay 4 weeks fees if child does not settle and has to leave. However he did seem to settle but as we were still in settling in period and leaving I told her we will pay her the full 4 weeks. She’s come back and said that it’s 6 weeks fees if child has settled and than leaves. I agreed to the 6 weeks of payment. She has now told me that I’ve got to pay her for the remaining ‘flexible settling in days’ which is 2 days full time for 2 weeks and the contract kicks in 1st week of September and the 6 weeks of payment starts from that date. So 8 weeks of fees. I can’t understand how she came to this conclusion. AIBU to say no. I will only pay the 6 weeks fees starting from the week I pulled him out and not the date he was due to start on the fixed days plus the 2 weeks he was doing the flexible days.

OP posts:
Blahdyblahblahblahblah · 24/08/2022 14:55

Seen as she initially countered your 4 weeks with 6 and you agreed to that I'd pay her that and nothing more.

Blahdyblahblahblahblah · 24/08/2022 14:55

If it was 8 weeks she should have said that initially. But she didn't, she said 6 so that's what she should accept imo.

RHOAD · 24/08/2022 14:56

Shes lying and taking you for a mug. Pay her 4 weeks as that's what's in the contract.

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/08/2022 14:59

If the official contract does not start until 1st September, I don't know why you're paying anything.

Why are you removing the child?

Mumspair1 · 24/08/2022 15:00

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/08/2022 14:59

If the official contract does not start until 1st September, I don't know why you're paying anything.

Why are you removing the child?

This. All you have done is settling in days, you haven't even started.

Theillustratedmummy · 24/08/2022 15:03

Nope contact has not started if still in settling in period.
Plus if your removing him due to concerns of care shes lucky you are paying at all.

girlmom21 · 24/08/2022 15:10

She can't claim you owe her because he's settled and for settling in days. It's one or the other at most.

NippyWoowoo · 24/08/2022 15:14

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/08/2022 14:59

If the official contract does not start until 1st September, I don't know why you're paying anything.

Why are you removing the child?

Agree with this. Also, surely 'settling' is subjective? Maybe baby appeared to be getting on alright at CM but has been having sleepless nights at home so therefore he is unsettled.

I'd pay 4 weeks max if I was lying anything at all

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:14

When I signed the contract I assumed it had already kicked in hence me agreeing to paying her the full 4 weeks. When she came and said it was 6 week I was still going to pay her as it was a contract. However she’s really thrown me off after saying my contracted start date is in September and the 6 weeks starts from then. Feels like she’s taking the piss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:19

I’m removing my child because we saw her lose her temper with another child. She wasn’t aware we could see. I get that looking after kids are hard but knowing she can act like that and my baby isn’t old enough to talk worried us.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 24/08/2022 15:22

Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:19

I’m removing my child because we saw her lose her temper with another child. She wasn’t aware we could see. I get that looking after kids are hard but knowing she can act like that and my baby isn’t old enough to talk worried us.

Oh no I'd be paying nothing at all and reporting her to ofsted in this case. She's not fit to look after your child - that's not yours or your baby's fault.

Pumasonsatsumas · 24/08/2022 15:24

Wouldn't pay anything. Would outline what you say - serious concerns about her looking after your child. Even asking for six weeks is a joke.

RHOAD · 24/08/2022 15:25

Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:19

I’m removing my child because we saw her lose her temper with another child. She wasn’t aware we could see. I get that looking after kids are hard but knowing she can act like that and my baby isn’t old enough to talk worried us.

I wouldn't pay her diddly squat!. You have good reasons for withdrawing your daughter, well done.

LumpyandBumps · 24/08/2022 15:27

Following your update about why you are leaving I think you have been very generous to agree to pay any additional fees other than those earned for days so far.
Presumably she provided the contract, and it is her responsibility to make sure that it is clear and unambiguous. She also needs to make sure it is not unfair.
Have you asked her to point out the relevant part/s of the contract which makes her think she is entitled to 8 weeks?

MimiSunshine · 24/08/2022 15:41

I’d tell her that has she has now confirmed that the contract doesn’t officially start until the September date, you will pay her the 4 weeks notice and that’s it.

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/08/2022 15:41

Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:19

I’m removing my child because we saw her lose her temper with another child. She wasn’t aware we could see. I get that looking after kids are hard but knowing she can act like that and my baby isn’t old enough to talk worried us.

You owe her nothing. Explain you will not be paying anything and say what you saw. She's lucky you're not reporting her.

NippyWoowoo · 24/08/2022 15:43

Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 15:19

I’m removing my child because we saw her lose her temper with another child. She wasn’t aware we could see. I get that looking after kids are hard but knowing she can act like that and my baby isn’t old enough to talk worried us.

I'd be upfront with her and not pay a thing. You can report her to ofsted.

thing47 · 24/08/2022 15:56

She's expecting you to pay for 8 weeks for a contract which hasn't even started yet? Nah, I'd not be doing that.

4 weeks max. And if she kicks off, I'd tell her what you've told us about witnessing her unacceptable behaviour and suggesting she is lucky you are paying her anything as she clearly isn't suitable.

Connie2468 · 24/08/2022 15:56

What's the actual wording of the contract?

JustLyra · 24/08/2022 15:59

What does her comment about the contract actually say and what does the contract say?

because if she’s said your contract doesn’t start until September then I’d question if you should be paying her at all.

And if you saw her really lose her temper with a child in an inappropriate way please report that - the child’s parents may have no idea.

tootiredtoocare · 24/08/2022 16:02

You seem to be taking her word about the contract, have you read it? Whatever you signed (I presume you did), that's what you have agreed to. If you didn't understand it, lesson learned, don't ever sign something you don't understand. If you need help understanding it, ask citizens advice to read it and define your rights. If you do understand it, pay exactly what the contract says.

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2 · 24/08/2022 16:51

I have read the contract but annoyingly I didn’t get my copy. I do clearly remember reading 4 weeks. However when she said 6 I reluctantly agreed as to be honest I just wanted all interactions over with and to just move on from the whole thing. We did tell her what we saw and She did try to explain what happened and said that she was been firm but we still didn’t feel right leaving our child. I have told her I will pay her 4 weeks starting from the week we left and nothing more but she has now gone on to tell me I have left her out of pocket by taking a space than pulling out. So looks like I’m not ‘contracted’ to pay anything.

OP posts:
BadGranny · 24/08/2022 16:59

You might mention that you are considering reporting her to Ofsted for losing her temper with a child?

thing47 · 24/08/2022 17:16

It's not your problem that she now has spare capacity, and in any case it's as a direct consequence of you witnessing behaviour which you consider unacceptable. I think you've had a lucky escape @Unluckyinlove2. I'd possibly pay the 4 weeks, but certainly nothing more than that.

UniquelyBoring · 24/08/2022 17:16

I'd ask her for a copy of the contract, the actual one with your signature not another copy.