Holidays- how do you compromise?

[laughinggnomehahaheehee]

My partner and I have been on a number of holidays together over the years, all city breaks, as that's what he prefers. I've enjoyed visiting these places, and find the holidays interesting, but not really relaxing.

I've brought up the suggestion of a luxurious hot holiday next year, with pools and beaches with clear, warm waters, and he's absolutely adamant that he would hate it.

My siblings have young kids, so couldn't go with them. My friends either have their own families, or wouldn't be able to get the time off when I have time off.

AIBU to expect him to come with me for a holiday of MY preference for a change? Or should I go alone?

You’re not being unreasonable at all. He’s had his pick enough times now

YANBU but surely there is a compromise - a beach resort near a city with some day trips? You could do a day or two together and he could do more alone if he wanted?

Have you discussed the details of what a beach holiday might look like? Some people think its all sitting by a pool with a book, but ignore the fact you can go snorkelling, watersports, beach walks, water parks, etc etc...

Does he play golf? Get one with an inclusive golf course. Life changing!

A friend of mine always books Neilson holidays. She can relax by the pool all day while her OH frantically sails/cycles/windsurfs.

Do you want to spend a week on the beach or some of the time? I am more of an explorer and DH likes the beach so we do some days of each. We always book villas/Airbnb/apartments because we know we want to be elsewhere all day but I appreciate that’s different if you want to be by a pool.

We usually holiday with friends too so we can share the compromise

I have similar issues with my dh. Not so much city breaks though, he likes remote holidays in the countries use with hill walks etc. He hates pools and beaches. Literally can’t bear them (partly to do with being scared of the water).
we have compromised in the past by being based somewhere near the beach/pool but doing lots of trips out and about. And not that much time by the beach/pool!

but yeah if you’ve literally always done what he wants it’s time for him to do what you want to do.

In the *countryside

So go somewhere you can do both? Eg Dubrovnik , or Greece where you can lie on the beach while he explores ancient sites

My DH is mad on birds and wildlife and whist I enjoy these sorts of holidays when i was working the 24/7 obsession got a bit wearing, our compromise was that for some of the trip we would be somewhere where i could opt out by staying at the hotel and chilling or going into local town myself while he went off alone. Once i retired we can do longer trips so plan ‘down days’ in towns or in a nice resort where we can chill or potter round the markets, shops and cultural sites.

Relationships are all about compromise and he isn't doing any.

Most of these luxury resorts, you can go off site and explore locally so you can still do the thinks he likes.

I don't like how you've dismissed your siblings with young children being able to go to this holiday. Unless the hotel is adults only, then there's no reason why they couldn't go.

You can also go alone. I've travel alone loads and love it but I know some people don't like being on their own.

I would add the costa brava to maddy68s list. Lovely beaches, and Girona and Figures both interesting places and Barcelona not far.

I'm glad it's not just me! My husband's like a shark- got a constant need to be on the move on holiday. Days lay by the beach or pool are his idea of hell, but staying still with a cocktail in one hand and a book in the other is my idea of heaven

So we compromise- usually two centre holidays with a city stay and then a beach stay (as long as the beach resort has places he can go off and visit while I'm on my 3rd day of horizontal)

The best place we've every found that suits both of us is Las Vegas! There's so much to do there and amazing restaurants but they also have amazing pools to sit by. A close second was Nice- he could stroll through the city streets while I sat by the sea.

Next year, we're looking at either a California tour (with two nights in Malibu so I can sit on the beach) ending with a road trip to Vegas. Or 5 nights in Vegas and then flying on to an all inclusive in Mexico

Thank you, everyone.

Yes, I think he thinks that kind of holiday would just be sunbeds with nowhere interesting to visit. Thank you so much for the suggestions.

@Dinoswearunderpants, the reason I said that about my siblings and their kids, is that they would want different things from the holiday, and have a different budget. I would prefer a less child-focused location for a relaxing holiday, and they like to camp to stretch their money. It just wouldn't work.

Be honest, would you actually enjoy a holiday that your husband has "compromised" on attending with you knowing he's resenting spending money/using annual leave being stuck in a boring resort with nothing to do but lay about?

Even if you find a halfway place that has activities he can go off and do, would you be happy being left poolside/at the beach alone whilst he does something that interests him?

I'd honestly rather holiday alone than have the pressure of knowing the person I'm on holiday with is hating every second of it.

You lie on the beach and he heads into the city.

I've never compromised on holiday. I just do what I want and people can come along or not. Mostly they do because I don't know any beach/sunbathing people. But if someone was I'd just say OK then. They can go to the beach but I absolutely won't.

Try a cruise… best of both worlds!

we've had success with beach/pool places within an hour's commute of a city - Lisbon Coast, Lido di Ostia (for Rome), Cape Cod (Boston). Lazy mornings by the pool, siesta, and into the city for late afternoon/early evening.

You can easy combine both types of holidays. I love a mixture of R&R and sightseeing/doing activities. He could do more of the sightseeing and you do as much or little as you want.

You can certainly combine. We (two adults a teen and a primary age child) tend to do a day mainly relaxing (beach/pool/ local stuff) and then a day out, then repeat. It works well as it's neither too frantic nor risks getting dull. We've just got back from Thailand but we've also done similar in Greece, Majorca, Portugal etc.

Or a coastal resort near Lisbon.

Malaga! Find somewhere with a pool near the beach to relax whilst he explores the old town then meet up for cocktails and a beachside bbq at one of the many beachfront restaurants 😎

We did the combo type holiday in holiday in Cape Town and then in Rio de Janerio , both were great holiday.
My DS just got back from Paphos and did half chilling and half sightseeing.
I have been on lots of cruises and many places I’ve visited world work well for combining both your interests. You could look at cruise itineraries and see if there are any places you fancy. Any cities near a beach or with hotels with nice pools would work.
How about Marrakesh?

Those holidays can be a compromise though of day trips and relaxing by the pool; my DH isn’t keen on just sitting by a pool but we go to hot destinations and do a variety of things

Barcelona has a great beach area and lots to see and do in the city.

Would second Barcelona or Lisbon. City at the doorstep nice beaches and you could get a hotel with a pool. There's definitely a middle ground here.