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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hiding under the table

31 replies

Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:05

If we take Dd, just turned 4 out for a meal etc, she hides under the table. She isn’t shy at all, very outgoing etc.
Is this normal?

OP posts:
MrsSplendiferous · 24/08/2022 10:06

If she wasn't causing a disturbance, I'd leave her and not pay her extra attention

abovedecknotbelow · 24/08/2022 10:07

My nephew did this, diagnosed ASD a couple of years later.

SunshineLoving · 24/08/2022 10:09

I wouldn't have that. She sits on the chair.

Unless you think she displays other behaviours that could be ASD?

DenholmElliot1 · 24/08/2022 10:16

No it's not normal.

Going out for dinner involves sitting around a dinner table surely?

Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:17

@SunshineLoving Yes, I tell her to sit on the chair but she disappears under the table

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Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:17

@DenholmElliot1 Yes, I don’t think she’s trying to be naughty, that’s why I’m checking on here, not sure why she’s doing it.

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GrandSlamFinalee · 24/08/2022 10:17

No, that’s not normal

trevthecat · 24/08/2022 10:18

I wouldn't say asd. Its fun under the table. Seeing the world from a different angle

Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:19

@abovedecknotbelow I worry about this, don’t understand why she’s doing it. What were the other signs?

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trevthecat · 24/08/2022 10:20

Not something I let mine do, even the one with asd, but I think it's just a thing some like to do

Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:20

@MrsSplendiferous She wasn’t causing a disturbance but would prefer her sat with us all at the table

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Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:20

@trevthecat Is it more of an ASD thing, would you say?

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5foot5 · 24/08/2022 10:21

When you go out, is this to somewhere where the table has a long, or longish tablecloth? If so, maybe she likes the sensation of being in a tent.

Beamur · 24/08/2022 10:21

I'd think your child is telling you she's very uncomfortable.
Personally I would stop taking her out for meals for a while as she's not happy doing this. Try again in 6 months and maybe spend a little time building her confidence and ability to articulate her feelings.
Don't ignore this. She is communicating with you the only way she knows.

trevthecat · 24/08/2022 10:21

No. My kid doesn't do this. I work with asd and wouldn't say it was a sign at all.

embod · 24/08/2022 10:22

My brother always spent meals out under the table when we were growing up…it’s become a family joke. He’s now 40, married with two kids. If there are no other issue I wouldn’t overthink it.

oneisoneandallalone · 24/08/2022 10:22

Is she used to sitting to eat on a chair at a table at home?

Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:22

@5foot5 There was no tablecloth

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Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:23

@Beamur Uncomfortable in what way though? She’s very confident and this was with family etc

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Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:24

@trevthecat Ok thank you

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Hasstrictlystartedyet · 24/08/2022 10:25

@oneisoneandallalone She does at times (always used to) but has been having issues with tummy aches, could be related to this perhaps. At home, she has more space to move around I suppose, so doesn’t go under the table, she moves around more

OP posts:
RealBecca · 24/08/2022 10:26

Normal- yes. Sounds like she is playing rather than hiding. And every child would rather be playing than sat at a table waiting around.

Acceptable- No. You talk about preferring her to sit at the table, well as her parent you are able to make that happen. And take it as a lesson next time to bring activity sheets or books or a toy she doesnt normally get to play with so its a bit more interesting for her.

Put yourself in her shoes and remember that going out for food isnt the fun activity it is for adults and we would get bored if we were just waiting for food with nothing to do and being told no when we try amusing ourselves (for example by playing under the table) then it isnt much fun for her.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 24/08/2022 10:28

You know your child, but I suspect you might be overthinking. My DS is also very confident, but can have times/moments where he really needs his own space, cut off from everyone. And this can happen anywhere.

notsosoftanymore · 24/08/2022 10:30

I agree with those who think this is communication. I wonder if something has happened that has slightly shaken her confidence. Some behaviour or person or happening?
I remember thinking with my kids that four is actually a difficult age, emerging from the storms of a two year old yet not yet into being 5ish and the socialisation experience of school and mixing with others.
I have memories of sitting under the table and I think it was a secure place, like a tent, where I could watch the world. Children change all the time and I don't think it's good to force things so I'd leave her to do what feels good for her right now.

jalapenita · 24/08/2022 10:32

No not normal, especially if she isn't shy.

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