To feel that I am being taken advantage of?

[Happibeagle]

I am a solicitor. My friends always come to me for free advice and I am always happy to do them a professional favour.

Until recently, I start to think that am I being taken advantage of for being nice?

It happens that 3 friends have recently contacted me for help on 3 different occasions. As usual, I told them what to do, problem solved, thank you! (and I will let you know if I need more help!). But I can tell that they were embarrassed when they noticed that they inadvertently told me they hired someone else to act for them instead of their friend (i.e. me) who is also a lawyer. I also don't quite understand why they did not seek advice from someone they had already paid for.

Of course there is no rule that says you should only eat at your friend's restaurant or have haircut at your friend's hair salon.But I am just feeling a bit uncomfortable. After all, whether a friend of not, I am providing professional service and professional service usually doesn't come cheap. And it seems to me that they would rather pay someone who cannot fully execute a task than a friend who also needs to make a living.

I know you would probably say "Well, if you want to charge them, why don't you make it clear from the outset?". The thing is, I believe that if they want to pay me, they would have made the offer. I don't want to put myself in an awkward position by asking for money.

AIBU ?

So which is it that you’re unhappy about:
a) giving free advice?
b) them hiring someone else?

Without knowing the details and thinking from my own perspective, I could understand how they’d ask for your advice/opinion as a friend that is in a profession that they need help in. I was a veterinary nurse for years and would often (and still do) get phone calls/messages asking my advice about pets. I only get pissed off when they them choose to ignore it! But I wouldn’t then expect them to come to my practice. Maybe they don’t want to cross that ‘friendship’ boundary and change the dynamic of the relationship. Especially where money changes hands. I generally think that friendships and professional relationships should be kept as just that due to risk of fallouts so maybe that’s what they’re thinking. Have you mentioned that you’re struggling for business? Are you?

I assume they want your free advice, but they aren't hiring you because they'd rather hire someone who wasn't a friend because that can get awkward. (And the law does get a lot more awkward than eating a scone in your mate's tearoom.)

I think really it is down to you to set the boundaries now. Just say you've taken on a lot of new cases at work, so you just don't have the time to look at cases outside your workload, and then recommend they talk to a colleague.

Hmmmmm.... firstly, why do you do it? I am also a solicitor and would find it very unusual for 3 separate friends to come to me for advice on the same area of law (..never mind the area I practice!). Of course, giving advice (especially under your capacity as a solicitor) in an area which is unfamiliar may go against professional conduct - or any insurance you might have?? I hope a friendly chat is all you're having.

Regardless of above, when friends, "friends" or family come to me for advice I very quickly shut it down if it's not my area of law and point them to the direction of other colleagues, or other firms, for which they will have to pay - or perhaps even CAB etc. depending on issue. If it is, which it can be sometimes, I will merely offer my thoughts (as a high level overview and never get technical) but if I feel it needs further evaluation etc I will tell them that they need to become my client, go through usual steps, and not charge my full hourly rate - like a painter and decorator mate who needs you to pay for the materials and will do labour for 3/4 of the price (for example).

If you set above boundaries then rarely will people argue / consider it unreasonable - especially if you mention your prof. conduct. This will make you feel like you're not being used.

It's like friends/family think we must have loads of spare time

Unfortunately you have one of those jobs where people feel they can tap into your expertise. Unlike say plumber or childminder where there would be a justification in charging. I personally wouldn't use a friend as a solicitor in the same way I wouldn't see a gp who's a friend. It usually is regarding personal information that I perhaps wouldn't want a friend knowing. Plus if anything goes wrong it could cause issue in the friendship.

"Hi Friend, I'd be happy to discuss that with you. Give me a call Monday and we can arrange an appointment."

Really not difficult.

Just stop giving free legal advice. Say you aren’t allowed to. If something happens because of someone misinterpreting some of the advice you gave them, you’d be in a lot of trouble.

I do understand why people might feel uncomfortable hiring a friend to do legal work. So, I wouldn’t take that personally, but Knick the free stuff on its head.

I'd just say "I no longer give free legal advice due to a previous complication". Then don't go into it.

Are you even allowed to give legal advice without them signing some kind of agreement. My financial adviser makes us sign something before the advice process is it not similar for law?

Agreed that it sounds like they're happy for you to signpost them in the general direction of what they need to be doing but then they prefer to work with someone a bit more detached for the bulk of the job. I understand that, it's a lot of personal information and could be a strain on the friendship if the outcome isn't as desired. I doubt it's that they don't trust you to do a good job.

How much of your time are these conversations taking, and how much do they vary? I'm guessing you do something like conveyancing as so many ask you (unless you have a lot of dodgy friends needing criminal defence advice!). Would it be worth putting together a one pager of FAQs that you could give to friends if the advice is usually similar and process based rather than case specific? Nothing they couldn't find online but just in one place. You could say 'I can't really give specific advice unless you engage me professionally in case there's a problem as a result of that advice, but these pointers should give you an outline of next steps'?

I know that 'no is a complete sentence' etc so if you just want to stop giving free advice just say the first bit. However this could save time and raise the suggestion that they come to you on a paid basis.

My first take is that it’s a very different thing, for most people, to ask advice compared to engaging services. Your friends may be concerned that if things go wrong or they don’t feel confident in what you tell them it will upset your friendship. Whereas if they hire someone else and don’t feel confident they can get a quick second opinion off you without feeling like it jeopardizes anything. They think you’re happy with giving free advice so don’t think they’re taking advantages.

That they seemed uncomfortable to have let slip that they have engaged someone else does challenge that interpretation, though.

I’m still not sure it’s taking advantage, unless you’ve been doing these favours expecting work out of it. But you should probably but more boundaries on the favours you do for friends and start recommending they engage someone more often.

If you are giving them full and detailed legal advise, then surely you should know about liability and so on and hence know better? Or are they just getting pointers off you? I am a professional too, an accountant in my case, sometimes people will get opinions / directional advice off me, but I certainly wouldn’t prepare a full set of accounts or a tax return in a casual capacity.

I would imagine a lot of people gets asked for opinions relating to their area of work and whether it is an issue depends on whether you are drawing that line between general pointers or full tax return.

YABU in expecting them to pay for something you do free.

I'd stop giving advice saying

• my insurance is for when I'm working & diesnt cover advice given free of charge outside work and therefore if you want me to act for you please contact the office.

I have a solicitor friend who has had this a lot and has really struggled with it. Another mutual friend used her for unpaid advice during a divorce and the solicitor friend, who initially was happy to do it, ended up feeling drained and used.

I totally get this and I think people are being disingenuous when they say they don’t know where the boundaries are.

It’s about basic respect for people’s time. It’s one thing to say: “can I pick your brains for some general advice on how to approach this fit ten minutes?” And quite another to say: “can you draw up my divorce petition (pro bono).” It’s common sense.

In terms of what you do I think you just need to say: “I get these sorts of questions a lot and I am happy to provide general background but I don’t have time/bandwidth to do unpaid work so can we keep this to x minutes and then I can make a recommendation?”

If they're coming to you for advice about a divorce then perhaps there are things they want to keep private.

Hi I recently answered an add for a lady that needed her dog walking.
I work part time and said I’m happy to walk her dog around my work load. She agreed. I also said I would do it for free. She only live local and it would keep me fit etc.
anyway we have become quite friendly.
but now she has started asking me to help her with things. Eg. I took her Christmas food shopping, I’m always taking parcels to the mail to be returned for her. Now she has asked me to take her to a doctors appointment. Do I stop it now, I’m just worried the more I do it will become regular am I being unreasonable?

I’m so sorry didn’t mean to post this as an answer. I’m new to this.