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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pissed me right off

12 replies

dogface44 · 23/08/2022 21:44

Dh is a lovely man but can be incredibly pig headed at times. One of these 'his opinion is fact' types when it comes to certain issues. I am more of a live and let live type. Other peoples opinions don't bother me unless they impact me or others negatively. I'm trying to raise my kids to be the same and just form their own opinions and let others have theirs without arguing or forcing your beliefs on others.

Got into a bit of a debate tonight surrounding religion. Dh is a staunch non believer. I don't live a religious lifestyle but I like to believe there might be a god and a heaven. However implausible it seems it gives me comfort to believe those things.

Dh started ranting in front of ds11 about how it's all rubbish, the bible is a story book, being quite rude and mocking of anyone who might think differently and it's really pissed me off. It's not so much about the subject matter (he is entitled to think what he wants) it's more the arrogance of thinking his opinion is the only credible one and anyone who disagrees must be wrong or stupid. I especially didn't like him ranting on like it in front of ds for this reason.

He continued to go on about it once dc were in bed and in the end I've just come into another room as I have no interest in debating with him or conceding that yes indeed he is right and everyone else is inferior to his enlightenment. Aibu to find this really annoying. How do you approach such issues with people in your life? I have to stress he is a good man and there's only a handful of issues that we vehemently disagree on so this isn't a regular occurrence. But why do some people feel the need to ram their opinions down your throat?

OP posts:
SurfBox · 23/08/2022 22:01

Agreed very bad example to your son too, he can have his opinion without being forceful/arrogant like that. I'd address this with him.

Original poster
dogface44 · 23/08/2022 22:06

I did try but he kept coming back to the religion debate failing to see that the difference of opinion isn't my issue. My issue is trying to force his opinion on us. Not as clever as he thinks he is clearly.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 23/08/2022 22:08

It's a bit like with Sheldon Cooper, I think options are agree to disagree, or fake agreement with their perspectives to keep the peace, or do research and go to war.

JulioVonMatterhorn · 23/08/2022 22:10

He's right though.
There MAY be something out there, but it's highly unlikely.

allinatizzy · 23/08/2022 22:15

I'd explain to him that he needs to be respectful that other people (you, for example) have a different opinion and don't appreciate being insulted or mocked. It's not an effective strategy for changing anyone's opinion, and anyway, many people don't want to be convinced. The decent thing to do is to leave them alone and go find some like-minded person to rant to, instead.

If you explain this (something someone so intelligent as he thinks he is should actually already know) and he continues, I'd speak to your son privately to give him balance (and so he won't grow up to be a bullying bore on the topic of religion). Refuse to engage with DH when he brings up these sensitive issues. He can keep talking, but you don't have to listen.

Original poster
dogface44 · 23/08/2022 22:17

JulioVonMatterhorn · 23/08/2022 22:10

He's right though.
There MAY be something out there, but it's highly unlikely.

It's not about being right. I'm not sure how 'right' you can be regarding issues of faith anyway.

It's about understanding and respecting the fact that others can have different beliefs and opinions and not ridiculing them for it.

OP posts:
drbuzzaro · 24/08/2022 14:23

how did the discussion start?

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 24/08/2022 14:53

dogface44 · 23/08/2022 22:17

It's not about being right. I'm not sure how 'right' you can be regarding issues of faith anyway.

It's about understanding and respecting the fact that others can have different beliefs and opinions and not ridiculing them for it.

Show quote history

Exactly. Well done you for not letting it go. Choosing faith or not having a faith is a part of growing up. He has no right to interfere with your child's journey here.

Isitsixoclockalready · 24/08/2022 14:53

dogface44 · 23/08/2022 21:44

Dh is a lovely man but can be incredibly pig headed at times. One of these 'his opinion is fact' types when it comes to certain issues. I am more of a live and let live type. Other peoples opinions don't bother me unless they impact me or others negatively. I'm trying to raise my kids to be the same and just form their own opinions and let others have theirs without arguing or forcing your beliefs on others.

Got into a bit of a debate tonight surrounding religion. Dh is a staunch non believer. I don't live a religious lifestyle but I like to believe there might be a god and a heaven. However implausible it seems it gives me comfort to believe those things.

Dh started ranting in front of ds11 about how it's all rubbish, the bible is a story book, being quite rude and mocking of anyone who might think differently and it's really pissed me off. It's not so much about the subject matter (he is entitled to think what he wants) it's more the arrogance of thinking his opinion is the only credible one and anyone who disagrees must be wrong or stupid. I especially didn't like him ranting on like it in front of ds for this reason.

He continued to go on about it once dc were in bed and in the end I've just come into another room as I have no interest in debating with him or conceding that yes indeed he is right and everyone else is inferior to his enlightenment. Aibu to find this really annoying. How do you approach such issues with people in your life? I have to stress he is a good man and there's only a handful of issues that we vehemently disagree on so this isn't a regular occurrence. But why do some people feel the need to ram their opinions down your throat?

It's about respect more than anything. We all have our beliefs and it's unlikely that someone else is going to change it. There is no need for rudeness or condescension.

pointythings · 24/08/2022 15:06

This is a respect thing. I'm a hardcore atheist and in that sense I agree with your husband, but I wouldn't dream of trampling all over someone's faith and feelings like that. Believers take comfort from their belief that there is a god, I take comfort from my belief that there isn't. We all need something to get through these tough times and a little mutual respect goes a long way.

NovaDeltas · 24/08/2022 15:08

I just tell the kids not to listen to people who think only their opinion matters.

ClaryFairchild · 24/08/2022 15:16

Just say "That's enough! Stop trying to browbeat me into agreeing with you, it's a horrible thing to do and I'm tired of it!"

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