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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP

26 replies

eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:39

Has accepted offer of interview in another location without even discussing it with me.
We do not live together and the other location is the same distance from each other.
Just feel a bit Hmm.
He said he has no interest in accepting this job offer if terms and conditions are right but I don't feel very much part of a partnership right now.
He wants to see what the offer is like and is curious more than anything .
AIBU?

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 23/08/2022 20:40

I don't understand the problem.

How long have you been together?

Original poster
eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:41

Just over two years.
I am a bit upset that he didn't discuss it with me. We would always discuss these type of things usually.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 23/08/2022 20:45

Presumably he's told you about it before the interview?

I'm not sure why this bothers you. It won't affect how often you see each other, won't increase his travel costs, doesn't impact you in any way other than knowing where your DO is potentially employed.

takealettermsjones · 23/08/2022 20:46

Well I can't comment on how you'd normally do things but I've been with my husband for 15 years and if he told me he had a job interview I'd say "that's great, good luck." We'd discuss the logistics etc at the point the actual job offer came, if it did.

It's not a bad idea to go for a job interview just out of curiosity: gives you an idea of what kind of salary other firms might offer, gives you interview practice, etc. I know lots of people who apply for jobs regularly, just throwing their hat in the ring without thinking much of it. If that's what he was doing then he wouldn't have necessarily discussed it with you first.

Original poster
eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:46

He told me that they contacted him many times but didn't tell me he was going for interview.
He just dropped that into conversation yesterday and interview is tomorrow.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 23/08/2022 20:47

If you don’t live together and it wouldn’t mean that you were any further apart then I don’t understand what you are so upset about? Maybe he didn’t tell you because you have a tendency to be overly controlling, considering this post.

takealettermsjones · 23/08/2022 20:47

But if you don't live together, don't share finances etc - does it really need to be discussed? It's his career.

thelittleapple · 23/08/2022 20:48

Completely reasonable to expect your DP of two years to want to talk to you about long-term plans.

yonce · 23/08/2022 20:49

It doesn't have significant bearing on you or your life does it? You aren't expected to move with him, it won't impact your finances or anything like that - he's mentioned they'd contacted him and wants to see what they're offering? I'm a bit confused, I understand people discuss things with partners - but he did, you knew they'd contacted him. He's also told you now, before the interview that it's happening. It's not like you've found out he's got a new job 6 weeks down the line?

Allinadayswork80 · 23/08/2022 20:50

What is exactly the issue? The fact that he’ll be in a different location or the fact that he didn’t discuss with you an important element of his life? I can understand the latter, I would want my partner to discuss it with me, even just for the sake of sharing/bouncing thoughts about/etc. as it’s what partners do. Not sure I’d be getting myself in a state about it though.

Original poster
eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:50

I'm really not controlling. We usually discuss this sort of thing and it wouldnt affect us as a couple and our time together.
It just came out of the blue.

OP posts:
Floweryflora · 23/08/2022 20:51

What is it you’re upset about op? So his work will be the same distance in the opposite direction to you? Are you Long distance? Are you controlling? You need to be clear on your issues.

Floweryflora · 23/08/2022 20:51

eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:50

I'm really not controlling. We usually discuss this sort of thing and it wouldnt affect us as a couple and our time together.
It just came out of the blue.

Ok you need to be clear as you’re coming across as quite controlling

Meraas · 23/08/2022 20:52

He has accepted an interview, not a job.

This is a non-event, I bet he is wondering wtf is going on.

Original poster
eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:53

As a pp said(this would be a big move with a big commute for him if her were to accept) so to share and bounce ideas around would be normal I would have thought.

OP posts:
Floweryflora · 23/08/2022 20:53

Meraas · 23/08/2022 20:52

He has accepted an interview, not a job.

This is a non-event, I bet he is wondering wtf is going on.

As are we all,,,

LaFemmeNicola · 23/08/2022 20:54

eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:41

Just over two years.
I am a bit upset that he didn't discuss it with me. We would always discuss these type of things usually.

He’s told you about it now though. Attending an interview isn’t any sort of commitment, it’s normal to just see what’s on offer, so I vote YABU.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2022 20:54

It’s an interview. Take a breath.

Mybestyear · 23/08/2022 20:55

eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:50

I'm really not controlling. We usually discuss this sort of thing and it wouldnt affect us as a couple and our time together.
It just came out of the blue.

What do you mean by “this sort of thing”? How many interviews have you both had in your time together?

KrisAkabusi · 23/08/2022 20:55

eucalyptuses · 23/08/2022 20:53

As a pp said(this would be a big move with a big commute for him if her were to accept) so to share and bounce ideas around would be normal I would have thought.

Which he can do if he's offered the job. For now it's only an interview. And he did tell you about it.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 23/08/2022 20:55

We’re you expecting to move in together soon or something? Otherwise what difference does it make if he’d be the same distance away from you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2022 20:57

Sounds like you're looking for issues.

user1471457751 · 23/08/2022 20:57

But he has discussed it with you, he's been telling you this company have been in touch with him. And now he's told you he's got an interview. What more do you want?

Flutterbybudget · 23/08/2022 20:59

I’m a bit confused
I thought you said that it was the same distance away as currently, but then said that it would mean a long commute?
Have I misunderstood you?

Floweryflora · 23/08/2022 21:07

user1471457751 · 23/08/2022 20:57

But he has discussed it with you, he's been telling you this company have been in touch with him. And now he's told you he's got an interview. What more do you want?

To be his mother and approve everything in advance it seems..

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