To be upset with managers for not saying congratulations after I got married?

[PrpleRain]

I’ve been with the firm almost 10 years. Got married 6 weeks ago.

They’ve probably forgotten and it probably wasn’t that high on their radar anyway.

unless they came to the wedding then you’ll just have to get over it

Which managers?

I suppose its a social nicety to say congratulations if you are close to your manager, do you work with them 1-1?

But largely, most people wont be that interested. Do you work from home now? It sort of has diluted how people tend to interact with each other I find

i think this is unreasonable but I’m prepared to be flamed.

I had been working at my firm for nine years when I got married - to someone else who had worked there for a similar amount of time. Never occurred to me that managers should congratulate me (apart from those I considered friends, and they were invited to the wedding).

Yes, that is a bit shitty. Are you working from home? I find WFH has made it harder to keep track of what your colleagues are up to.

They probably just forgot. Unless they are friends of yours, most people aren't that interested in your life.

Most people don't remember to celebrate every detail of their colleague's lives - that's what friends and relatives do.

Companies don't care. You're just an employee who earns them money. It's shit but it's true.

I had the same, but it was because I didn't invite anyone from work to my wedding

It’s not really a big deal though to other people though. Unless they were invited then I think YABU.

I just thought it’s a polite thing to say after you see someone changed their name! Now I know it’s just in my head 😆

It's called your PRIVATE life.

And I'm guessing you didn't cross that line and invite them to the wedding either.

Unless you work for a very small company, I don't think you can expect it.

They might not realise you got married and thought it might be a divorce?

Most people don't remember to celebrate every detail of their colleague's lives - that's what friends and relatives do

It's not 'celebrating every detail of their colleague's lives' just to say a simple 'congratulations'. I am not at all a popular or sociable person at work but when I got married (many years ago) everyone in the office who knew me acknowledged it when I returned from my honeymoon; to say 'congratulations' or make a point of jokily addressing me by my married name etc.

I fully agree that it would be nice for them to say congrats if they remember. But they're just work colleagues... they won't necessarily remember to.

And being married is relevant to your job - how?

Having put my foot in it with a colleague who'd changed her name following a divorce, I now don't comment at work unless I'm close enough to someone to have heard them chat about wedding prep or similar

I think it's a bit shitty of your actual manager not to say something. And, for everyone else who finds out about it, "Congratulations" is just the standard, not that hard to say, thing to do. And I am completely a not interested in weddings and wonder why so many women change their names person.

I wouldn’t congratulate someone for changing their name any more than I would any other utterly backwards practice.

Are you WFH?

I ask because we always did a whip round and made a big deal of staff going off to get married but I was just thinking the other day since Covid how that isn't a thing anymore and it's a shame!

But yes I'd be really pissed off

My managers certainly wouldn’t congratulate me if I ever married but I work in retail 😂

Why would they know you got married? It’s hardly going to high on their list of priorities. I suppose it’s be nice for people to say congratulations if they meet you in passing -and know about it - that’s normal. But I wouldn’t expect a manager to go out of their way to do so.

I would just assume they were away with the fairies, looking at the office heating bill or otherwise distracted. Bit remiss if them but don’t let it bother you.

The sooner you accept that your coworkers don't give a shit about your life, the happier you'll be.

Do they know for certain you got married rather than, say, divorced?

This is interesting, I was at a conference recently and the speaker was introduced along with a 'congratulations' on her recent marriage and I thought how inappropriate it was. It really jarred, as I don't think a male speaker would have been introduced like that. I think it's time we stopped seeing getting married as a big achievement for women. But I realise that's a bit off topic from what you asked, just made me mull it over..