...to feel utterly deflated by job search and missing out on promotion?

[Abitlosttoday]

In another life I would have cried on a friend's shoulder but there's never the time to talk with friends anymore. I work in the NHS (not clinical), band 6 and I am 43. I have two degrees and 20 years's experience in my field. Around 4 months ago I was all but promised a promotion that was coming up. I did very badly at the interview and they went external. The person they've employed is ten years (maybe more?) younger than me, although she's at the same phase of life in terms of her kids' ages (5 and 3).
Since I missed the promotion, I have been trying very hard to get something else as I am worried about money. I have had a further two unsuccessful interviews (one for NHS, another one private). I have also applied for a lot of other work - jobs and freelance, none of which has come to anything. I think about it all the time - how to get on, how to make more of my abilities, how not to have a job that doesn't suit me. I guess I just feel very, very deflated by the entire thing.

I had my first meeting with my new, much younger boss today. I found it almost impossible to be cheery. I ended up sobbing like a self-pitying idiot following the call. I am utterly burnt out by work and life generally. To be honest, I couldn't care less about my job, which is probably why I didn't get the promotion. I feel undervalued and as if any skills I do have are being wasted. I also feel old and overlooked.

I don't know how to make myself keep on keeping on. I can't work out now which roles are worth applying for, and which are not for me. I had an interview with a very prestigious brand a few weeks ago but it turned out they had wrongly advertised where the role would be - it was the other end of the country! The two place names were similar. This sort of thing seems to be happening all the time. My confidence is rock bottom. I feel as if I have missed my chance to jump up a level by having children when I did, in my late thirties. Although, I was also made redundant three times in the decade before. I don't know what Mumsnet can do to help but I don't have anyone to talk to about this. When I do try to speak about it, people seem awkward and like they'd rather I didn't. I don't know how to turn it around. I feel a failure.

It sounds like you're not focused on any of the roles you are applying for and adopting a scatter gun approach in a panic to get something paying more.
I understand you're feeling under pressure but it would help if you really narrowed down the best opportunities and research and rehearse the interview.
It could be you're coming across as a bit desperate rather than having (or faking) a true passion for the roles you are going for.
You could try getting some career advice online particularly around how to interview well as whilst you've no doubt got the experience performing well at the interview is vital.
Good luck

I'm currently feeling in a similar position myself OP, it's a bit of a shock when you wake up one day and realise the people being promoted above you are starting to look younger than you!!

As I'm in the same position, I can't offer much words of wisdom, but I can share what I'm currently doing; printing out job specs for roles I'd like to apply for, highlighting areas I'd need more experience in in order to be able to apply, asking my line manager for opportunities to gain this experience, and overall trying to show myself as eager and willing as I can. I'm giving it 18 months, and if this hasn't resulted in a promotion, I'm going to look long and hard about what my options for a career change would be.

Hi there, that sounds really tough. It can be very hard to hit a ceiling and not know how to progress.

Is there any way through your work to access some one to one coaching? It sounds like this could really help you.

If there isn't, look online for some places that have coaching courses -- reputable providers.

A lot of course require students to do a certain number of hours as part of their course, and submit anonymised case studies.

If you look for places that have advanced coaching diplomas then the participants won't be brand new, they will have experience already.

It's normal to feel deflated. It's great that you are thinking about how to turn it around. This might help.

I did focus very hard on the ones I got interviews for, diligently matching every requirement to my experience. However, when there's no salary advertised, or it's only freelance work, or they might bring the closing date forward if they get too many applicants, and I have so little time or brain power left to commit to the search, I have become scattergun, yes.

If you're getting to the interview, maybe you need some development around your interview technique? I've recruited a lot and there is real skill to interviewing well

All my interviews have been online and I think it's a huge disadvantage for me! I used to almost enjoy interviews, but now I have lost the knack. I could perform a slightly different person before, dressed up and being shown around, but at home, crouched in my usual tiny office space I feel exposed and very humdrum. What's your take on online interviews?

Stand up, if you can!

Missing out on promotions can really knock your confidence. Best of luck for finding something great soon.

Do you know what it is that you’re looking for in a new role, OP? Sounds obvious perhaps but it might help to really give it some thought.

I found I didn’t have much success until I’d sat down and thought about what I really wanted and where I wanted it to take me. Once I had those requirements (and boundaries) in my mind, I could apply for stuff more discerning and perform better at interview.