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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to complain about this?

7 replies

Welshmaenad · 23/08/2022 10:50

Recently returned home from a hospital stay post surgery.

Towards the end of my stay a lady was admitted to our 4 bed ward. She and her DH were from another European country and had been in a car accident. He was on the same ward on a mens bay but ambulant, she was bed bound.

He seemed to spend every waking minute in our bay - he would literally arrive at 6am as were waking up and stayed until gone 10pm when we were all trying to settle down to sleep. He would even sit by her bed whilst she was off having a shower and just stare at the three of us.

I complained to the ward sister as I felt it was inappropriate given that it was a women's bay and he was there listening during ward rounds or intimate care provision even if curtains were drawn. It made me feel really intimidated and uncomfortable. He was spoken to and we got some respite from him but he was still there well beyond visiting hours.

I was telling a friend about this snd she said I was unreasonable as his wife probably wanted comfort as she was in hospital in a foreign country. I was very unwell and traumatised and would have liked my own DP with me more but was restricted on one hour visiting per day. Both spoke perfect English so no translation help need.

WIBU to insist that a single sex space should be respected or was a mean to deny her the bond rant presence of her husband?

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 23/08/2022 10:53

YANBU - I think it would have been ok for him to have a bit more leeway than other visitors but the 'He would even sit by her bed whilst she was off having a shower and just stare at the three of us.' really wasn't ok.

Soubriquet · 23/08/2022 10:55

I would have complained too. If I wasn’t allowed to draw my curtains.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 23/08/2022 10:57

That’s not okay and I think that a letter to PALS as well might be a good idea.
These little infringements have real life consequences for other women and I’m sick of it.

Welshmaenad · 23/08/2022 11:00

Soubriquet · 23/08/2022 10:55

I would have complained too. If I wasn’t allowed to draw my curtains.

I wasn't able to walk so couldn't get up to draw them, and staff didn't like having curtains closed as they were less able to observe we were ok.

OP posts:
RosiePosie27 · 23/08/2022 11:02

Hi @Welshmaenad speak to PALS - on my ward we have to go by the visiting hours. That’s not right that he could stay all day - surely if he is well enough to be away from his bed / obs then why is he in hospital taking up a valuable bed space?

Chamomileteaplease · 23/08/2022 11:06

Yes, just because he was a patient doesn't mean he wasn't acting as a visitor. And therefore should have to abide by the usual rules.

I agree perhaps a little leeway but I think you were let down by the ward sister here.

Welshmaenad · 23/08/2022 11:11

To be fair as soon as I raised it she dealt with it, I don't think they realised just how constant his presence was as there were different staff in and out.

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