Recently an elderly relative of mine died. My great aunt, my dad’s aunt. We weren’t particularly close, she lived 2 hours away my whole life, and I never knew my Nan (her sister) because she died before I was born.
We were at the exchanging Christmas card/visit once every couple of years level.
My dad was very close to her and phoned her every week, took her out for lunch a few times a year etc.
However, I’m sad she has died.
It’s her funeral next week. I originally wasn’t going to go because I don’t have anyone to have my children and I don’t want them to come. Also, I recently had to attend a funeral of a close friend and it’s really knocked me for six, so I a, reluctant to go to another one so soon.
Now, it materialises my brother and his girlfriend have decided they are going.
My dad is giving them a lift and another relative and there is no room in the car for me.
My brother hasn’t even sent my aunt a card in his life (he mentioned a few years ago he doesn’t see the point), has never visited and hasn’t even mentioned her in years.
His girlfriend never met her.
But my dad happened to mention that his cousin (my great aunt’s son) has put £5000 behind the bar and wants everyone to have a good time to remember his mum. Suddenly they are going.
My dad said yesterday he might not go to the wake, my brother said “You are joking? A two hour drive with free food and drink and you want to miss it?”
So it’s obvious what they’re thinking. Now I know his reasons for going, I feel angry at myself that I didn’t arrange childcare, thinking there was no way of getting there.
I am toying with the following - do I just not go and do something else that day, rather than cause a scene?
Do I take my kids but leave them in the car during the service - I absolutely do not want them to attend for various reasons. My kids are 7 and 12.
Do I just go to the wake and take the kids? Or is that effectively gatecrashing? I have various relatives I would like to see, but surely that makes me an even bigger hypocrite?
My biggest concern is the impression it gives to the rest of the family if my brother and his girlfriend are there but I’m not. Like I couldn’t be bothered.
And before anyone asks, this is nothing to do with inheritance, it’s to do with what is acceptable in this situation.