To not invite whole class to birthday party

[PompeyTheGreat]

DS turns 7 in a couple of months and we're starting to make celebration plans. He hadn't had a big party before and it isn't in our budget to do one this year, but we're thinking of having a small one at home with just a few of his closer friends (max of 10).

The thing is, he's attended a lot of parties of classmates in the past year or so (since covid restrictions allowed) where his whole class has been invited. As such, I feel as though this is the expectation. Also, many of the parties were for children who he isn't particularly close to and likely wouldn't be among those invited to his smaller party.

What is the etiquette on this. AIBU to not invite them. And how do I go about inviting just a few without upsetting other children/parents?

I think it depends where the party is going to be. If it was a hall/somewhere bigger the maybe whole class but at home just a few kids they're closer to.

I think it’s ok as long as you’re not just leaving out one child; how many are in the class? I would make arrangements via WhatsApp yourself separately so it’s not him handing out invites to only some of the kids

I'd imagine with the increasing cost of living, and as children get older, whole class parties will reduce significantly.

Do what suits you OP.

I’ve never done a whole class party.

Generally we do 10-15 friends depending on where it is. Never been an issue.

I think it's fine. Invite 8-10 and as long as it doesn't just leave 2 boys out or something then fine.
The reciprocal for being invited to a party is a birthday present, not a return party invite.

Most people accept that some parties are whole-class and some are a few friends only. As long as you're not inviting all but two of the boys or something like that, it'll be fine. Avoid handing out invites in front of those not invited, and prep DS for if it comes up in conversation in front of non-invitees, so he can say "we've only got room for 10".

All my dc had one " big" party, which was a pub room , entertainer and party food so whole class got invited. If you can't afford it this year maybe you can next. After age 8 class parties died off.

If you can't afford it this year maybe you can next.

That gives the impression that you have no concept of how others live financially. Things don't change that much year on year if you're not big earners.

If anything, next year is going to be harder for everyone.

You’re not obliged to have a big expensive party just because that’s what other people chose for their child. It’s completely normal not to reciprocate every party invitation your child receives, especially at that age. So long as you aren’t leaving out eg one child in the class or handing out golden tickets in front of everyone else then a few friends at home is great.

Quite a few children have whole class parties in our two classes but I’ve never felt there is an expectation or obligation to automatically do the same. I always do what my child asks for and that is normally a small-ish party with around 6-8 friends. They have been to many of the same. As long as you invite them discretely and don’t leave one specific child out etc. I don’t see the problem. Lots of children don’t like big parties so I wouldn’t force it on them for their own birthday.

She did say 'maybe'.

Thanks all, you've reassured me that it will be fine. There are 20-something in his class so hopefully enough that not just a couple will feel excluded! I will try to invite via WhatsApp.

The unwritten rule is that you can have a party for up to half the class no problem, but if you instead invite most of the class, then that’s mean as you’re selecting a minority to leave out and basically creating a small excluded group.

So in a class of 30 it’s fine to have a small party for up to 15 kids. But in a class of 20 it is cruel to invite 15 kids and leave out 5.

I don't think we ever had more than 8 at my daughters parties.
She was invited to whole class parties but hated them. We actually started turning down the invites - although if it was a close friend we often still gave a present.
Generally I found no one (parents or the children) really cared whether someone had a whole class party in a hired all or half a dozen at home.
I think people worry to much about what other people think.

hall not all

Hell no would i invite the whole class.
Financiallu even i couldnt
But mentally i couldn't either

Just because they did that, doesnt mean you should op.

Whole class parties weren't a thing after Y2 here. Perfectly fine to invite ten out of 30, but not fine to invite 25 out of 30.

Agree with most other posters here. My son has been to some ‘all class’ parties and some smaller activity ones. Never heard of a parent who didn’t understand - lots do no party at all!

Invites either via WhatsApp or sometimes the class teacher will put paper invites into the child’s bag so they’re not given out in front of everyone.

As long as you’re not excluding a really small number i’d say that’s absolutely fine (and chances are not everyone will be able to make it anyway)