Hello,
Just looking for some advice re a situation in my home right now.
My ex and I coparent our baby. He has issues that made me leave him, including abusive tendencies. We've been broken up a while and I am in the process of moving to avoid him other than parenting.
My exs dad and his wife were also abusive to me. Due to this, I don't consider them a support. They've never even apologised instead slyly continued their abuse through him. It was quite vile what they said and did to me.
My exs mum and my ex had a difficult relationship due to her leaving his dad when he was 14. He has told me he was very abused by her because (these are legit the reasons)
She went out and left him money for pizza but didn't cook sometimes. My ex lived on chicken nuggets and beans by choice at this age by the way. He told me.
She made him go on holiday (he was 16) with her partner and his 5 year old. He forgot to tell me he took his best friend and they left them alone all holiday and did their own thing. His dad actually moved another woman in mere weeks after the split but this is accepted. She also told him he didn't have to go.
She wouldn't let him have drugs in the house. Kicked him out when she caught him doing coke. He now claims she kicked him out every 6 weeks and demanded he come back because of child benefit. This wasn't said originally. It's now been said constantly.
She had a breakdown when her marriage ended, she sold her house and she found out his dad cheated and it was most definitely to victimise my ex absolutely only that (according to him) she admits and apologised to this and has received therapy and support. She has asked him to go to therapy with her.
She didn't buy him a birthday present and instead asked him what he wanted which he didn't reply to.
She wouldn't let him bring women back to the house, his grandmother did though.
She called his dad to ask about him when he cut her off because she was worried.
That's most of her heinous crimes.
My ex previous to their falling out (because she didn't get him a birthday present, something he did to me mere months before) had asked if she could help with our child as she's a childminder. Suddenly she's now not safe around children according to him. He insulted me his dads side of the family for months whilst speaking to his mums side... now his dads side can do no wrong.
My ex has stated he wants nothing to do with her. So a week ago I asked if he would mind me maintaining the relationship between my child and that side of his family. He said fine go ahead. So I spoke to his nan on that side and arranged to pop in. Had he said no I never would have instigated contact. I respect and would have continued to respect his choice.
Today I told him I'd messaged her and he has had a full on abusive narc meltdown. I am evil, I'm doing it to spite him, I'm controlling. He isn't comfortable. So I asked him why he originally agreed. He can't justify it, he's just now changed his mind and I'm not to go anywhere near them.
I literally asked him first and he said yea. He has now completely flipped out and sent me abusive and shitty messages all day. I'm confused. He did however do this a lot during our relationship.
He's made me feel like I was wrong. So I wanted to ask, AIBU to feel he has no reason to be angry? Should I just leave this alone and hope my child meets them one day?
Thank you