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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD to go back in her room

16 replies

Heinz9 · 22/08/2022 19:44

So my DS (18 months) is a nightmare to get to sleep, I don’t know why but my 5 year old DD really plays on it and constantly comes into the room to disturb him and gets upset saying she is thinking about bad things. I only need 20 minutes or so to get DS to sleep and I will go right to her but I feel bad telling her when she is frightened?

OP posts:
GenevaJoey · 22/08/2022 19:47

Can you put on an audiobook or something for her while you put the baby to bed?

Russell19 · 22/08/2022 19:47

YANBU but can't you put your DD to bed first while the 18mo plays or something? No idea how it would work without knowing what your children are like so ignore me if that's just a daft suggestion.

MsChatterbox · 22/08/2022 19:57

I had a very similar issue. (son older, daughter younger)... In the end I had to have my son watch something on the laptop in the corner of the room whilst I got my daughter to sleep. It's not ideal but it was necessary! Something else I would do is hold my daughter and try and get her to sleep whilst sitting with my son and waiting for him to fall asleep. It was much easier once she went through to his room as they could both have me at the same time! It didn't last forever though. Now my daughter is a bit older she goes to sleep super easily whilst my son watches cbeebies, then I go down and watch with him for a bit then put him to bed. I'm not saying you're not unreasonable to tell her... But my son certainly just didn't have the ability to stay put and I would get really triggered by him constantly coming in just as I got her to sleep. So I had to find a way to be with both of them somehow even if one was staying awake at that point. Good luck! It shouldn't last forever but it's definitely a hard phase when you're in it.

Original poster
Heinz9 · 22/08/2022 20:01

I’d like to not use screens if possible, I have just gone in to check on her and she is snoring! Haha now I feel guilty

OP posts:
drkpl · 22/08/2022 20:03

Kids play on things for attention. She was probably fine.

Original poster
Heinz9 · 22/08/2022 20:04

I get frustrated because it is always JUST as DS is going off she starts 😩

OP posts:
annoyedneighbour1 · 22/08/2022 20:05

Just create a boundary.
You can't be available 100% of the time. It's 20 minutes out of her day. Tell her to wait!

BeanieTeen · 22/08/2022 20:12

No I wouldn’t feel bad. Comfort her, as PP said pop an audiobook on maybe, then tell her to stay in bed. Mine went through a phase of saying he’s had a bad dream despite not having even been asleep. Also ‘I’m thirsty’ or needing the toilet but then there’s barely a dribble. Newest one is ‘I’m sad because I bumped my head on the pillow’ 😄 Kids do play on stuff, it’s ok to call a day on it. I would take it all with a pinch of salt. An 18 month old isn’t going to have any particularly profound bad thoughts, unless you’ve been showing her something not age appropriate on the tv. With an older child I would look into it more - but again if they refused to elaborate and tell me exactly what’s up I’d tell them to just get back to bed.

SiblingDespair · 22/08/2022 20:14

Don’t feel bad, she is just vying for your attention.
dd always needs me when I’m putting DS to bed…. there are clear rules and consequences for giving me uninterrupted time to get him settled.

Timeforanewnamenow · 22/08/2022 20:45

I’m with you on limiting screen time but when I put my almost 3 year old to bed it takes about half an hour and my 6 year old would be really lonely for that length of time by himself so I let him watch something gentle on TV. I’d rather that than risk my child feeling lonely or scared. But as pp’s suggest, an audio book might work better

SiblingDespair · 22/08/2022 22:15

I usually ask DD to wait in our room as she feels it’s a bit of a treat to be in our room, tucked up in our bed with either a book or iPad. She doesn’t want to be downstairs by herself which is fair enough.

Floweryflora · 22/08/2022 22:17

But you can’t put your issue with screens above her need not to feel scared or lonely? Right?

Foldinthecheese · 22/08/2022 22:31

We have a Yoto and it was so useful when mine were a bit smaller and these situations arose. The bigger kids new they could choose a story after I had read to them, and it helped keep them occupied while I put their little sister to bed if they didn’t fall asleep straightaway. We’ve had it for a couple of years now and they still use it daily, so a great investment for us.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/08/2022 22:39

if its a lot of the time then its attention seeking, similar to coming downstairs for a drink. You need to get firmer with her. She's old enough to understand if she's at school.

YellowPlumbob · 22/08/2022 22:42

Tonie box. Life saver here for my youngest who has hated sleep since the second she was born.

SkylightSkylight · 22/11/2022 22:48

@Heinz9 Could you give her the choice of waiting quietly (book & Ted in bed) and going to bed after her sibling, or going to bed before the baby

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