Things have changed so much , so quickly?!

[doodlywoodlydingdong]

I just had my grown up kids around for dinner, not unusual but it got me thinking how much things have changed in the last 3 years. We are a very typical family. I'm 45 , 4 kids aged 13-25. Between me and my DH we have an income of around £34k but very soon it's going to drop by £4k annually.

Three years ago I would go food shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted. If I fancied it, it went into the trolley. Full English breakfast every Saturday, big fat roast dinner with a nice joint every Sunday. Two v cheap foreign holidays a year. I enjoyed making our money stretch as far as it possibly could with holiday bargains etc. Christmas was always glorious with loads of food and some nice gifts. Lots of entertaining. fast forward 3 years.

Today I was stood in the kitchen picking the meat off 6 chicken thighs to feed seven adults and a baby. The roast dinner was totally packed out with veg and spuds. Barely any chicken compared to what I would have served 3-4 years ago. I can't stretch to a joint of pork anymore, a whole chicken is a rare treat. So thighs it is. My kids are eating more and more pasta /noodles based dishes with hot dogs as protein. I have to think twice about what is the most efficient method to cook whatever meal it is to save money on the electric. My dogs are now on the cheapest possible kibble I can find. I was actually relieved when my lovely old cat suddenly died (?!) as I wouldn't have to find the extra money for vets fees as she was knocking on a bit. Thats now £ 18 a month I'm saving on litter and food and I feel like a monster for even typing that.

I use the l local food waste project wherever I can, save every penny I can, but ultimately I'm going to have to give up my mobility car as the money would be much better in my pocket . The trade off is that I will then be house bound and that "freed up " money will be going straight to EON from October .

AIBU to have a feeling of almost grief over all of this? It's been very slow and gradual trickling of price increases etc but suddenly it's taken 6 chicken thighs to push me over the edge and be ridiculously angry and upset about how our money can purchase so much less these days?

Good grief.

Honestly, this attitude just amazes me, what happens to a person to make them think in this inhumane way?

what happens to a person to make them think in this inhumane way?

No idea. Absolutely sickening that it does.

I know you’re not asking for sympathy, but I’m so sorry. That sounds really hard.

This will be the new definition of working class, which is the old middle class. First Blair came along and his followers told all us working class people we don’t exist: the new version is that middle class people are working class really because they still have to work.

This is the age of newspeak.

We can't avoid the drop in income, but I can cancel it out by not renewing my notability car in November. If I keep the mobility party of my PIP as cash, that will be roughly the same amount BUT the vast majority of it will be going to EON for the price rise in October.

It sounds like the motability car isn't essential? Would you be able to do without it?

I'm a carer for my mum and we considered the motability scheme but it costs me £40per month to run my car (excluding petrol and new tyres). It just made no financial sense for my mum to lose £400 pm in PIP, when I can just take her places in my car. I totally appreciate circumstances differ for everyone though.

And yes, mum will have to pay higher gas/electric in October, but so does everyone.

I'm worried about you giving up your car OP. I did some research. The lodger idea has some merit could you investigate? You may have to ask permission. It's likely they will say yes. I hope.

Also - another extreme idea but have you considered fostering or perhaps offering weekend respite? Only you could decide if you are able to do that and if yes you could be matched with someone who you can care for within your own limitations

It seems your large house (which you must hold onto due to the adaptations made) is an "asset" you should make work for you.

Other than that your situation is shit. I'm so sorry. There but for the grace of god go I and many others too.

I wish you all the very best and a lottery win in the future.

I wouldn't give up the car. Motorbility is a really good deal all things considered. I'm sorry but with such a low rent and the income they are on I have no idea how they can't manage.

OP has highly complex healthcare needs ( her words), too severe to work from home. She also has PTSD. Imagine this was you, would you want a lodger living with you in your house? I’d imagine her days are long and hard enough without having a stranger there with them. It also sounds a very poor situation to put foster children into, even if OP was able to physically look after them, doubtful in itself.

A five bed council house isn’t a mansion in the country. It’s likely to be poorly maintained by the council ( having to shut off the top floor because it’s freezing doesn’t sound like a beautifully maintained, well insulated home) and may be in an undesirable area. It may equally be in a fantastic area but we don’t know.

Thank you. I’m leaving the thread now, as OP has. The hate on it for disabled people is horrific.
I hope none of you who think you’re so much better than those living with disability and needing help ever find yourselves in that situation yourselves.

Completely agree @Wowyourebitter. Sometimes these people seem to forget that there are real people with horribly challenging lives behind their posts. You sound like an incredibly strong woman, I hope you’re more angry than hurt by these heartless fuckwits.

Wow. A lot of this has been really shitty.

hope you are Ok op x

Surely it depends on how essential the car is?

We have no idea what OP's life was like before she became seriously ill and disabled. Maybe she was working FT, earning very well. Maybe they even owned their own house but had to sell up after they couldn't continue to pay the mortgage. Maybe they had to relocate, kids changing schools.

Or maybe OP wanted to be a mum of 4, gave up her job after the first and never fully returned, or only very PT. Maybe they got a council house after their first child and always relied on tax credits.

We just don't know. No one can resent someone who has gone through loss, fear of losing their life, uprooted the family and being left severely disabled.

What I think gets to people is the tone of the posts that make it sound as if all the support received was taken for granted and that it is not fair that belts now have to be tightened.

This is the part that gets to people because many many families will have to do so too but accept that it's part of life, that sometimes we have it quite good, and then we go through recession times and we have to do with less and give up on most luxuries.

It's no grieving. It's being grateful that we do live in a society that looks after the most vulnerable but that when times are hard, we all have to tighten our belts, poor and less poor. Yes the rich will be fine, but many of these are where they are because of the sacrifices they have made. Yes some are just lucky, just as some poor as just lazy but it doesn't justify being so resentful because of the minority.

We have had it good for so long, so it is normal to feel some grief about it all.

Everyone, apart from the rich, are having to make sacrifices in some way over the coming months. That might be holidays, it might be Netflix, it might be spreading 6 chicken thighs between 7 people... it does not matter.

I am fed up with people saying that they made sacrifices, but then go on to say it was for saving up for a house etc. There was a pay off at the end of that. There is no pay off with how things are right now. You can cut out your holidays, Netflix, then sell some items. What do you do when you have nothing left to give up or sell?

Some people will say that you should be happy to sit in rags and eat gruel. At least you are alive. That is not living. We all deserve some nice things in life. Otherwise, that is the point?

I am sorry you have had so many shitty comments on this thread. I want to throw at the poster saying that because you have had kids and have managed to go on holidays then you can just get a job. People have no clue.

Totally agree

The tories and the msm have really done a number on people and convinced them that unless 2 people work full time they shouldn't expect to afford holidays or nice things.

My mum gave up work and became a housewife in the 60s when she had me and my sister. They had a mortgage on a 3 bed bungalow in a nice area (currently valued at approx £700k) and we went on holiday every year, we had pets and hobbies.

Why have expectations dropped so much and people seems to hate it if anyones having a half decent life without working 60 hours a week.

So much this.

The outright ableism on this thread is stark. As a disabled, chronically ill person I now know that I should never go on holiday, that I lead a life of leisure, that I take handouts and that I should just try harder.

Those posting such bile on this thread have no clue what it is like to live with long term illness or disability. They have no clue of the daily pain, the exhaustion that goes beyond any kind of normal tiredness, the disappointment of missing out on so much, the stress and worry of degenerative disease. They have no clue that what they deem a life of leisure can be a life of sitting in agony while each breath tears you apart. Even on those illicit holidays you dare to go on.

This thread has made me sad. It reminds me of the skiver/striver mentality of the early 2010s when the Tories first pushed the austerity narrative. The deserving and the undeserving, the workers and the shirkers. Just no compassion or simple human empathy for other people. It comes of as bitter and jealous and it isn't a good look.

Ableism in plain sight.

I hear you OP. I’m on highest pip rates too and also have a household income of £16.5k which is my salary, and top up Universal Credit. Single parent with two teens. My rent is £1,100.00 a month. I’ve already stopped having meals and I’ve not got a clue what will happen when the energy bills go stratospheric. Misery.
Take care OP.

Absolutely THIS!

I agree too. I am fortunate enough not to be disabled, but I’d feel so much happier living in a society that wanted to protect the most vulnerable. Mark Haddon has expressed how I feel

I know we’re not specifically talking about the NHS, but that principle of holding one another up at the point of greatest need is one I like.

Yes I agree with what he says too.

Me too. I’d like to think the majority of us do.

This just shows how unfair the benefit system is.

You should have been penalized for having savings by having to cover this yourself. If the govenment pays out money for people to help with this, it should be fair and equal, not just asking people who tried to save and be sensible to pay up.

It's not inhumane to recommend people exercise common sense and long term thinking rather than assume they'll always be healthy, able and in full time employment.

Which most people seem to do and then say "well I didn't know this would happen".

How could you not know these are very real life scenarios?