Things have changed so much , so quickly?!

[doodlywoodlydingdong]

I just had my grown up kids around for dinner, not unusual but it got me thinking how much things have changed in the last 3 years. We are a very typical family. I'm 45 , 4 kids aged 13-25. Between me and my DH we have an income of around £34k but very soon it's going to drop by £4k annually.

Three years ago I would go food shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted. If I fancied it, it went into the trolley. Full English breakfast every Saturday, big fat roast dinner with a nice joint every Sunday. Two v cheap foreign holidays a year. I enjoyed making our money stretch as far as it possibly could with holiday bargains etc. Christmas was always glorious with loads of food and some nice gifts. Lots of entertaining. fast forward 3 years.

Today I was stood in the kitchen picking the meat off 6 chicken thighs to feed seven adults and a baby. The roast dinner was totally packed out with veg and spuds. Barely any chicken compared to what I would have served 3-4 years ago. I can't stretch to a joint of pork anymore, a whole chicken is a rare treat. So thighs it is. My kids are eating more and more pasta /noodles based dishes with hot dogs as protein. I have to think twice about what is the most efficient method to cook whatever meal it is to save money on the electric. My dogs are now on the cheapest possible kibble I can find. I was actually relieved when my lovely old cat suddenly died (?!) as I wouldn't have to find the extra money for vets fees as she was knocking on a bit. Thats now £ 18 a month I'm saving on litter and food and I feel like a monster for even typing that.

I use the l local food waste project wherever I can, save every penny I can, but ultimately I'm going to have to give up my mobility car as the money would be much better in my pocket . The trade off is that I will then be house bound and that "freed up " money will be going straight to EON from October .

AIBU to have a feeling of almost grief over all of this? It's been very slow and gradual trickling of price increases etc but suddenly it's taken 6 chicken thighs to push me over the edge and be ridiculously angry and upset about how our money can purchase so much less these days?

@NellesVilla I do get your point but in reality it's rarely the case. It sometimes feels like it due to housing costs- rent gets partly paid /fully paid if income dips below a certain amount (and depending totally on what the local 'allowance' is- whereas mortgages don't. In other cases it feels like it because they have a lot of kids or allowances for disabilities etc. but it's rare you get a couple or a single person on low income who are better off not working - unless they are telling porkies because the system even now is designed to make work pay. Although I fully admit the differential is sometimes not huge! And work comes with costs. - travel or car needed etc The biggie to me that is causing huge issues is the lack of remotely affordable decent quality housing especially in southern half of UK and more popular areas further north.

However people forget that Blair brought in tax credits that even some middle income earners could get and the Tory's got rid- same with child allowance over a certain income level.

There are also a lot of people who know how to play the system and aren't always very honest about their circumstances.

@Ithinkthatisenoughnowthanks And yes, the fact is a lot of people receiving benefits are indeed working too .

Why should people on any form of benefits be better off than anyone working? Can anyone genuinely answer this?

The state pension is now classed as a benefit. Are you seriously suggesting that no pensioner, regardless of their private pension provision, should be better off than someone on minimum wage?

Even without the pension angle - surely, if we think people on benefits should not be "better off" than people working full time then the answer isn't to attack those who require benefits or try to knock them down. The answer is that wage stagnation in this country has done great damage to most of us, to benefit the few. Working should pay more. Wages have failed to keep up with productivity gains, have failed to keep up with house prices and failed to keep up with price index inflation, Meanwhile tax boundaries have been even slower in moving, drawing more and more people into the 'top' tax band.

Or the fact that the individually biggest claimers of benefits are not people like the OP - they are the billionaire landowners claiming millions of pounds a year to 'subsidise' their land being kept private for shooting and the like.

We have had successive governments convince us all how little money there is in the pot, while squandering billions on vanity projects, corrupt loans that are never repaid and handouts to the already-insanely-rich. They have us all turn on each other for the pennies while they trot off into the sunshine with all the gold.

@Tabbouleh and why should we? We pay tax upon tax, 1st rate taxes for 3rd rate living. The argument that "someone, somewhere has it worse" is nonsense. We are supposed to be moving forward not backwards - if we all sit back and let it happen the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Working a 50 hour week and can't afford a whole chicken - and your response is get used to it, not a chance!

With such low rent, how do you think the rest of us will manage. On your income and rent I'd be more than happy. If your struggling, you l need to learn to budget better. We live in a small 3 bed council house and that costs more than your 5 bed one! I've never known a 5 bed to be that cheap!

@Teacaketotty I would love to hear your suggestions on what the OP or anyone else in this situation should do, while I kick back and let the rich get richer.

Anyone that gives a toss about a disabled person and partner who works 50 hours a week taking their kids on a break needs to take a long hard look at the clowns in charge of this country.

They want us to turn on each other, it's not the OP or ANYONE on benefits that is the problem - it's the ultra rich, the companies making billions of profit and paying little tax, profiteering, billions wasted on nothing.

As long as we are so busy pointing the finger and fighting each other - we aren't looking at them. They've done such a good job of demonising anyone claiming anything, when you forget the government claim expenses for nearly every meal, travel, accommodation going- cost of living crisis and they're on "summer break".

And no I don't claim, but have when times were hard so know it's no great sit on the sofa lifestyle despite what the documentaries might want you to think. Of course there will be those who abuse the system - but most are genuine.

😀👍

Honestly, these posts make me angry. While I've been slaving away at work, someone has been enjoying their nice life with 2 foreign holidays per year, courtesy of the taxpayers. Reading lots of books, probably. Having nice slow mornings, instead of commuting to the office. Going for a walk, instead of being stuck in yet another stupid meeting.

Too disabled to work, but not too disable to vacation abroad and have lots of kids?
Get a job, maybe.

"I’m surprised at the amount of people on here who defend people on benefits and I’m sure they do it because they’re either a.) on benefits themselves and feel entitled/ashamed to receive them or, b.) very wealthy so don’t need/understand them." Defend people on benefits from what? People being mad that disabled people don't live on gruel?

@YellowRoad Well, why don't you go and get seriously ill then and see how you enjoy it? And OP's husband works full time!

Oh stop it! Nobody does give a toss. Just pointing out its bad form to complain that you aren't getting two foreign holidays this year while other people can hardly afford food. Especially in your 5 bed subsidised house!

@Tabbouleh the sad thing is I don't think there is anything we can do, or the OP. Things will only get worse from here. There isn't any fight in the English people, and for us devolved nations we have no power really.

@YellowRoad , many people will agree with you but not brave enough to say it in case posters turn on them. I agree with you and although I wouldn’t change working for a living, it is ridiculous someone having such an easy life of leisure plus holidays all paid for by others.

Right. So we tighten our belts and wait for a change in government or world circumstances.

Which is exactly what I said.

Or alternatively she could try getting a job she enjoys so she’d be a bit less resentful.

@Tabbouleh Sadly for many the belt cannot be tightened.

My only point on your post was to say that we shouldn't be resigned to a lower standard of living, we deserve better - but agreed on the point we are powerless.

Did you miss the bit where OP had cancer and became disabled, after having her kids? Can you imagine what life’s like under those circumstances. Being able to go to work is a privilege . Also OP may well live out in the sticks and that makes a huge difference with house prices and demand. And … knowing what I know about OT assessments , LA adaptions and transfers I can assure you that there will be no urgency for the LA to help her to move . It’s shrouded in red tape and the admin behind the scenes causes huge delays. Heating that home is a burden to her household but she’s stuck there for the time being. What’s with the bitterness towards families who supplement their earned income with benefits for disabilities and stuff? Do you know that very little of our taxes go towards this? A tiny tiny percentage in fact. So much anger pointed in the wrong direction here .

It's 4,800 pa plus a small car. It's not an easy life of leisure it's SEVERE DISABILITY.

If you envy this life, it can be yours in a moment. Simply hack at your neck until you partially sever your spinal cord. You will be quids in, and best of all, enjoy the scorn and derision of your community.

As a full time carer to a newly disabled dh, and a mother of 4, the bitterness from many people on this thread is fucking scary.

DH gets full high level PIP. I can’t work any more because I have to look after him, do everything for him, including wiping his bottom, so the government very kindly pays me less than £70 a week to do this, instead of the 20k pa job I had. He obviously cannot work ( I’m sure some bright spark will suggest some amazing work from home job he can do from his bed in the three or our hours he’s alert enough each day)

We have four kids, we could afford them at the time without claiming any benefits. Tbh we meant to have 3 but 4 came along and we were lucky to be able to afford her. (What a horrendous sentence to write - lucky to not have to abort a child we would love due to poverty! )

We have applied for a mobility car, it will be ready next May, if there are no holdups. So pps saying swap to an electric car etc, there’s a years wait for them on mobility. And electric actually worked out more expensive to run than petrol on the model we discussed at the dealers.

The cries of “move to a smaller property and stop living in a luxury home” . I’m not sure about council property but if you have adaptations paid for on a private home you have to pay the money back if you move within 5 years. OP says hers have been in place less than that.

We know 3 people unable to return to their previous homes from hospital due to their disabilities. All 3 have been trying to get an adapted council property for over six months, anywhere within our city boundaries. There are none. Even if a property becomes available it can take months for adaptations to be done. We know someone who has been housebound for 5 months waiting for a wheelchair lift to enter and exit their home. It’s no that easy to get an adapted home, everyone’s needs are different so what has been adapted for one is probably not right for another.

We were lucky we earned enough to have savings. We have had to pay out 50k to adapt our home, no help from anywhere. We can’t claim anything except PIP and my carer allowance until those savings are gone ( about six months we guess). Then we will be “spongers” living off benefits you are paying tax for. I’ll be sure to walk round in sackcloth and thank every person I pass in the street who is paying tax. We have both paid tax for 30+ years each but are not worthy according to Mumsnet. After all DH has selfishly become disabled and we have four kids.

@Wowyourebitter Hugs for you- I totally feel for you and you sound a fabulous person. I'm ashamed at the arses on this post - I thought women were meant to be the softer sex. I get that people are frustrated in life but taking it out on disabled people is utterly dreadful- still it's easy to see why the country is as it is and why people are happy to vote for cutting off their nose to spite their face.

People say it’s bitter but I don’t know maybe people have had enough, ever thought of that? People hating the “rich” who at 100k will be paying 70% of their income tax and NI, yet that’s still not enough and they are holding wealth and should pay even more? Fuck off with that.

The middle who are about to be crippled with energy and interest rises. 45k salary is the equivalent to what op is clearing after tax. Think of a family trying to survive on that paying £1100 rent, all the other bills, no uni maintenance support, they will need to top that up as well. The squeezed middle “rich” by MN standards are sinking and getting zero support. Yet it is expected they are living the life of Riley and should be paying more tax. It’s the people on middle incomes of 30k - 50k who are most at risk financially. This post is so tone deaf I don’t know where to start.

problem is OP described her household as We are a very typical family and then said her rent is only £97/month, she had 4 kids, while there are 2 bedrooms in her household they closed off (deliberately not used). And yes she’s been ill & I imagine is a wheelchair user. I dunno what a typical family is but OP is not typical. She has very specific challenges.

OP asked: AIBU to have a feeling of almost grief over all of this? She invited scrutiny.

I hope OP finds a way to keep her mobility vehicle. I’m still unclear why OP couldn’t have a young female lodger. This would make huge difference to her finances.

OP also asked how we as a country have sleep walked into this situation but personally I think I saw a lot of current situation coming for years now. It seems logical to me as outcome of govt spending so much in recent years on other things (that people wanted at the time) and the mania for energy deregulation. Maybe now OP wants the govt to take on huge debts to pay for cheaper energy etc. I actually think this is exactly what will happen, btw. Govt will bail out poorer households & SMEs, at least. That move will create other problems down the line (pay Peter 10x as much penalty tomorrow). But other people say govts can borrow huge amounts, there is no such thing as govt debt ever being a problem. Maybe they are right.

My household is comfortable, but ... is this wrong moment to say I know families that are similar to OP’s (featuring one disabled parent can't work, council, 4 kids) but they are more like 6 people in 3 bedrooms, a fab holiday would be a caravan at mate's rates in Skeggy, they don't keep pets, they always shopped carefully. Also “worthy” working poor. OP has the option of two lodgers for instance and has enjoyed some lovely hols. The other families never had those options. So my sympathies are also leaning elsewhere.

@NellesVilla it is ridiculous someone having such an easy life of leisure plus holidays all paid for by others

the OP has cancer which, if I’m reading it correctly, has caused her to have a permanent disability. Her husband has worked to support the family thus far. I can’t imagine anyone with cancer and a disability is living a life of leisure, can you? As for holidays, clearly they have been paid for through her husband’s hard work. Do you think you could just think a bit? Maybe apologise to the OP for your nastiness?

I’m surprised at the amount of people on here who defend people on benefits and I’m sure they do it because they’re either a.) on benefits themselves and feel entitled/ashamed to receive them

Absolutely I’m entitled because the legislation says so. No, no shame whatsoever. Why would I be ashamed when I work full time in a responsible job?