DH out every Sunday evening

[RubbishSundays]

DH has a hobby that involves getting together with a few other guys. This used to usually be a Friday or Saturday evening for a couple of hours and he usually went out after the kids were ready for bed etc. This was fine.

Now it has changed to Sunday evenings and instead of him leaving about 8pm it's now more like 6pm and he gets home about 10.30 or even later. So basically now dinner has become a rush and then he dashes out and I'm left to sort DC, Ddog and any other jobs that still need doing. If it was another evening I wouldn't mind but I suppose I have always seen Sunday evenings as time to chill together before the next hectic week starts and I look forward this one small bit of downtime that we get. Suppose I feel a bit of a mug now that I valued this time and he clearly didn't 😔

For context, we have two young children, the youngest still can be very difficult at bedtime so it's not like I will get a nice evening to myself. Last night I spent most of the evening trying to get DS to settle and then tidied up a bit, feed dog and felt like going to bed myself after that feeling a bit miserable as, well it just feels a crappy end to the weekend really.

AIBU?

I would try to make this work and be pleased that your DH is doing a hobby that he enjoys and that only takes up a few hours a week.
In fact I would be quite happy to have a few hours to myself .
I know that I am not you but life and timetables change all the time , particularly with DC.Being rigid about things just makes life more stressful as it can never be controlled.

I would way prefer it to be Sunday than Friday or Saturday You can't begrudge him one night a week. Maybe you both need to sit down and discuss your work/life balance and find a way of getting you some downtime hours too.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel about Sunday afternoons/evenings. Time to reset, unwind and get ready for another week of it and hopefully a couple of hours to ourselves before it all kicks off again Monday morning.

Because a couple of new guys have joined in and they already got together Sunday's now so DH and his mate have agreed to change to fit in with them. Now involving a fairly long round trip and being out much longer than he used to.

I don't begrudge him one night a week, it never used to bother me at all until it changed.

Do you get a regular child free evening or some time in the day to do a hobby or go out? If you don’t, maybe you should organise something similar, say Friday when he is home early, so he understands the impact on your Sunday evening.

But who wants to have to do a hobby on Friday night when you're knackered...

I personally don’t think you are unreasonable for feeling this way. If you are working all the time and looking after the kids all the time at the weekends, obviously you are going to feel this way. If he has a hobby that’s important to him obviously it is important he does it, but I personally feel it’s more important he finds a time to do that hobby that fits around you and your family. If you value Sundays the most then he should find another time to do it. End off. Relationships are all about compromise.

My husband plays golf weekly. It’s not a fixed time and he can change it which is good. But he ALWAYS asks me when is best and when would fit in with our plans. I really appreciate that!

You are a team at the end of the day - and it’s not like you are asking him to quit! Just move it to a day you would prefer which would make your life easier! Not unreasonable at all.

Not everyone feels like that about Sundays though. Maybe her DH doesn’t. I don’t see Sundays like that. It’s just another day.

If you value Sundays the most then he should find another time to do it. End off. Relationships are all about compromise

Not much compromise there. Aka.. He needs to change it to suit you, end off 😂
A compromise would be doing alternative Fridays and Sundays so it’s only 2 of each a month.

The 6pm given evening meal seems to me the worst bit, not the evening concerned.

You need a night out every week too.

Sounds like you need to swap your relaxing evening together to Saturday, and just make the effort to be home on time?

I don't think you're being remotely fair on your DH.

You didn't mind him going out on Fridays' because it suited you, but now it suits him to go out on another night, you're annoyed.

Just have your quiet night in another night. If you're that busy, scale back your Saturdays.

YANBU OP, DH has a hobby that he loves, that he gave up completely when our children were very little. I encouraged him to pick it back up when our boys were 6 & 4.