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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family pay more attention to the dog rather than son now

25 replies

Forummummy93 · 22/08/2022 14:43

I got a dog several months ago - he is a lovely little thing that has completed our family. The only issue I’m having is that I think son is starting to feel quite left out because whenever family is over they tend to pay more attention to the dog now.

The puppy (nearly half a year old now) has always been crate trained, so he either has some chill out time in his crate or another part of the house (I have a room divider type thing so allow him free reign around my bedroom so he can still see through but can’t get through to the living area) for an hour everyday so me and son can sit down and do an activity together without the dog jumping all over it etc. So that’s how we handle things at home just to give son a bit of one to one attention and breathing space.

But how do I handle it when family come over and want to smother him with attention and not son? He is an only child so used to all the attention on him, and he understands he has to share that attention now but it makes me feel sad that all the attention has now diverted completely away from him and he is almost being ignored by others?

OP posts:

FairyLightAddict · 22/08/2022 14:56

Surely it's better for him to learn to share attention 🤷‍♀️

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 22/08/2022 14:57

To be honest, I'd be all over the dog and not the kid!

PritiPatelsMaker · 22/08/2022 14:58

I really wouldn't worry. It's not good for children to always be the centre of attention.

Mumspair1 · 22/08/2022 14:58

Now is the perfect time for him to learn that not everything is going to revolve around him. People will tire of the dog soon though.

Imsupertangirl · 22/08/2022 14:58

Dogs are much more fun and interesting than children!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2022 14:58

How old is he?

Original poster

Forummummy93 · 22/08/2022 15:00

He is 7 and I understand it’s good to share attention but you don’t just suddenly start ignoring the child just because a dog has come along? To the point where I have to remind them to say hello to him when they come in the house?

OP posts:

MaryMcCarthy · 22/08/2022 15:00

Kids who are showered with attention often grow up to be entitled and arrogant. Perhaps the dog getting some of the limelight will be good for the kid?

NellesVilla · 22/08/2022 15:01

Sorry, I’d be the same tbh- I love dogs. I once ran up oohing and aahing a puppy only to later see the owner also had a kid in a buggy which is failed to notice!

Completelyovernonsense · 22/08/2022 15:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

ArrabellaAM · 22/08/2022 15:01

I'm an only child and my son is too. As long as people aren't just ignoring him I don't see what the issue would be.
Why would you want him to be the centre of attention all the time?

NellesVilla · 22/08/2022 15:01

I’d, not is

MaryMcCarthy · 22/08/2022 15:01

Well if they're literally ignoring your child then they're terrible people. If family members ignored my child I'd promptly ask what was wrong with them.

EverythingHeadinSouth · 22/08/2022 15:02

Are you sure this is not more about your feelings than his? If it really bothers you though, put the dog away after a bit.

MomwasCasual · 22/08/2022 15:02

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2022 14:58

How old is he?

OP said- half a year old

budgiegirl · 22/08/2022 15:02

We had this with my FIL - when my 3 kids were small, FIL would constantly photograph and video them, paid them lots of attention. Then we got a puppy. Haven't had a single video from FIL of the kids since (12 years! ).

My kids found it funny, as they were obsessed with the dog too, but at least FIL would pay some attention them, and play with them, when the dog was asleep.

Can you pop the puppy in the other room, as you normally do, when the family visit (after a while so they can play with the puppy too). Be firm and say that the puppy must rest.

If this doesn't work, then point out to your family what they are doing. They genuinely may not notice how they are behaving.

Entwifery · 22/08/2022 15:02

I'm sure the attention will lean more towards your son again once the puppy is grown up.

Original poster

Forummummy93 · 22/08/2022 15:03

They are literally ignoring him - the other day they said goodbye to the dog and walked out and didn’t even say goodbye to my son. It’s getting to the point where the dog will be going in another room when they’re around because I think it’s nasty to suddenly change your behaviour towards a child that doesn’t know why you’ve done it (he has learning difficulties and disabilities)

OP posts:

BowiesJumper · 22/08/2022 15:03

Can you shut the dog away for arrivals so they do actually say hello to him properly? I would also remind them in advance to share the love!!

HistoryKitty · 22/08/2022 15:07

I get the points about the little boy learning to share the attention with the dog and its not good for him to be the centre of attention all the time, but not to the point of being fully ignored by his own family members and them not even saying hello or goodbye to him. That's a bit off and at a basic level just plain rude. You wouldn't do that to an adult whose house you were visiting.

Entwifery · 22/08/2022 15:44

Forummummy93 · 22/08/2022 15:03

That's strange behaviour...are they usually normal? Or is this on form for them? Which family members are these exactly?

PritiPatelsMaker · 22/08/2022 15:57

If they're not even saying goodbye ten I think you have the right to feel miffed, that's just rude. Have you said anything like "aren't you going to say goodbye to DS as well"?

Pixiedust1234 · 22/08/2022 16:05

Most people like dogs. Most people dislike other peoples children (including family). You are both going to have to adjust and get used to it...or rehome the dog?

cgandqt · 23/12/2024 15:36

Hi, I just thought I'd add that I'm in a similar situation to OP... I have a recently turned 6 year old boy, it is only me and my son at home so we stay over at my dad's often. My sisters and dad have been in my son's life since he was born due to a difficult situation with my son's father, who is now deceased.
Recently, my dad got two puppies and initially my son was very excited to meet them but since the puppies have been at my dad's, he only has time for them. My dad doesn't do activities as he used to do with my son. My sisters visit and stayover often as well to see the puppies and they don't like my son to play/ touch the puppies at all - bad language and anger is directed at my son and they don't hug him goodbye/goodnight anymore as they used to. I think I'm struggling with the sudden coldness towards my son. They constantly have a sour face at him if he asks to hold their lead on a walk. He can't kiss them but they can.. They visit the puppies every week but didn't see us for my son's birthday. It just feels like we're disturbing everyone and I have told them all personally to at least acknowledge my son's presence instead of scolding him to "go away". I've had discussions with my dad and sisters about their behaviour and have also had to talk to my son about the puppies not being ours when he gets upset why he can't do things for/ with the puppies. Is it better if we stop visiting family completely? I doubt they'd care.. My son was very close with my dad and their bond became broken in a second.

PritiPatelsMaker · 23/12/2024 17:28

That sounds really difficult @cgandqt snd I'm sorry, I don't have any answers but it woukd hurt me too

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