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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother in law overstepping?

2 replies

BroadBeer · 22/08/2022 14:35

Hi everyone,
just looking to see if anyone has had similar problems.
Just to give you some background - my MIL has never been a hands on gran to our children. Maybe she will see our two kids (9&10) for an hour or so once every other month. She is however fully in control with my step daughter (17) husbands daughter from a previous relationship.
Her fingers in all the pies, and tries to override our parental decisions, she has even gone as far as to tell us off in front of teenager when she’s done something naughty with a long list of what my husband did silly as a teenager. It has really undermined us.

Our teen has now moved in & to be honest she’s great! it’s been fab having her here full time.
however now my MIL now shows up unannounced all the time.
We work from home and she will rock up mid meeting just to see SD and pretty much other looks the other two.

last week was particularly bad, so my husband asked her if she would please give us a text before she comes over just so we know not to schedule meetings when she is there.

well, all hell has broken loose. She’s now saying she won’t come to SD birthday meal, won’t bother with our kids again and has thrown every insult.

im so so hurt today. My mum messages before she pops over, so do my sisters.
she’s now messaged SD saying that we’ve barred her from the house!! Which has made us the baddies with SD.

are we being unreasonable here guys? I’ve not stopped crying because it’s always one drama after another with he. We certainly are not trying to hurt her, we just need some boundaries.

thanks

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 22/08/2022 14:39

Explain to your sd that all you’ve done is ask her to give you the heads up about coming over as you wfh, it’s only fair of her. She cannot expect to pitch up when she feels like it, it’s absolutely rude.

redskyatnight · 22/08/2022 14:41

Surely this problem will go away at the end of the school holidays?

I can understand you wanting to "ration" the amount of time she spends at your house. But messaging in advance doesn't seem to be a fix to that problem. And I can't see why it's an issue that you and DH are in meetings if she can hang out with the DC?

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