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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do councils worry about your job?

17 replies

escapeplanstruggles · 22/08/2022 10:46

Not an AIBU sorry but posting for traffic - and I don't know where to ask. slowly. Currently in private rented accommodation that I cannot afford to keep on my own - nor can I pick up more hours, childcare is extortionate, my workplace doesn't have more hours for me, and I have no family who can help. He will not leave that is not an option. We are not married.

I'm fairly sure the council won't leave me on the streets on with my children (6 and 3) but I don't know where they will put me, do they take the children's school and nursery into consideration? And do they take my workplace into consideration? I don't drive so if I can't get public transport then I can't work at all which seems a bit counterproductive. My 'plans'so far have just been to pack a get out bag with enough clothes for a week and our important documents in, and pack a lot of mine and the childrens clothes into suitcases for 'storage'.

I've looked up what I might be entitled too benefits wise but I can't see how accurate that is and I don't even know where to go when we do get out but it's a start. I just need to know if I'll even be able to continue working, and if my children will still be able to go to school and nursery. I know I'm in a terrible position and that I've been an idiot, I know that I have made some huge mistakes that have now left me in dire straits, I don't need to be told how stupid I was to get myself into this mess, I just need some advice on getting out.

OP posts:
SiblingDespair · 22/08/2022 11:13

Sadly, I think they often have to go with what they have available and it may not be at all convenient to school / nursery / work.

I know in the small city I live in that people are often put in hotels, most are in the city centre and away from where the family need to be.
It will vary from place to place though of course.

you would have to have been evicted though, do not make yourself intentionally homeless. And you have to pay for housing provided by the council - some emergency hotel accommodation is expensive and no cooking facilities etc.

Original poster
escapeplanstruggles · 22/08/2022 11:16

This is my worry though, he won't leave so basically I can't leave or else we won't get help so we are stuck here. I also know how expensive the accommodation they provide is and so if I can't work I don't know how they would want me to pay for that. I genuinely feel like the only way out for me would be to die, I go to sleep hoping I've got some unknown condition that means I won't wake up but then my children are left behind. I don't know what to do, there is no getting out is there.

OP posts:
CanDo92 · 22/08/2022 11:20

It’s not clear what your situation is. You say “he won’t leave”, so are you living with your partner who also works and contributes to living costs?

If your current home is too expensive are you able to find anything that costs less?

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 11:20

I know a friend who ended up housed 2 hours drive away from work as its a they had it was a right pain for her luckily work understood and they came to an arrangement re WFH. It's an emergancy arrangement so they expect you to just take the next thing available really.

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 11:21

Have you tried contacting citizens advice?

SiblingDespair · 22/08/2022 11:23

Is he abusive? There can be ways around leaving if he is or ways to have him removed.

if this is the case perhaps talk to Womens Aid?

Original poster
escapeplanstruggles · 22/08/2022 11:24

Yes I live with him and he pays the majority of the bills. I work part time due to the cost of childcare and the fact that he doesn't like me working as much as I do at the moment so picking up anymore hours at the minute isn't possible. I also can't work from home due to the nature of my work, my manager is lovely but if I can't show up then I will understandably lose my job.

OP posts:
Original poster
escapeplanstruggles · 22/08/2022 11:29

Not according to my health visitor he isn't abusive. He insults me, he throws things, punches things, tells me I'm making him ill, he gets nasty whenever I pick up extra shifts at work and will threaten to not look after our children so I worry about whether or not I can go but he's never hit me, he's never hit the children, he tells me I'm abusive and it's all down to my mental health. So I've never phoned the police, the only professional I've spoken too has told me he isn't really abusive so the council definitely won't believe me I have no proof, other than possibly a few nasty messages but thats not proof is it. Its nowhere near as bad as what many, many people go through so no he's not really abusive, just nasty.

OP posts:
HippyDippieTrees · 22/08/2022 11:29

Unfortunately you won't get a lot of choice with emergency accommodation and if you're working you'll be paying an extortionate amount.

You say you're not allowed to work, this is abuse. Ring the national DV helpline and they will signpost you to support in your area.

Who's house is it/named in are you married or just living together, rented, HA or mortgage?

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 11:31

@escapeplanstruggles He punches you and you have been told this isn't abuse?! I am shocked.

I would speak to women's aid.

Original poster
escapeplanstruggles · 22/08/2022 11:32

@fufflecake no, not me, just the walls.

OP posts:
SecretVictoria · 22/08/2022 11:34

IME, no. I remember when I lived in Kent; an old army barracks was bought by a London council and used to house their tenants who’d been on the waiting list.

Locals were furious as Canterbury is vv expensive but no one actually from the area was allowed to live there.

The BBC interviewed someone who’d been placed there with their DC. She could
no longer work due to the commute and the cost of it and had no childcare options/family support as all her family were in London and she’d used them for childcare.

Unfortunately, they’ll just place you where they have availability.

cantcope88 · 22/08/2022 11:36

as mentioned on your other thread, you need to contact Shelter & Women's Aid for advice

fairgame84 · 22/08/2022 11:39

No they don't care about work or schools. You will be given whatever is available at the time. I was in temp accommodation for months when DS was a baby and then moved into a house in a different area. Luckily I drove otherwise it would have taken me hours to get to work on public transport.

HippeePrincess · 22/08/2022 11:56

He definitely is abusive, you don’t need the health visitor or the council you need womens aid. Call them.

SiblingDespair · 22/08/2022 12:10

He is definitely abusive.

HippyDippieTrees · 22/08/2022 12:14

Punching walls is still classed as physical violence. There are frequent examples of abuse on your post and your health visitor is shocking.

Please ring the national DV helpline or arrange for them to call you. You can request a call back and times that are okay for them to ring you.

You don't have to move, there are plenty of ways that you will be helped to get him out the house. If it's just your house then I'd kick him out, change the locks and ring the police if he kicks off outside. Otherwise there are other ways that you can be supported with.

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