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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to start trying for a baby the day I start a new job!

26 replies

pinkballonsandbabies · 22/08/2022 09:57

Can’t work out if I’m being unfair or not?

DH and I have agreed we want a second baby . DH and I are not getting any younger and all we want is another baby .

I am starting a job share in September. I interviewed In March and it seemed fine and I am looking forward to it .

In my head I told myself I would not start TTC until January so at the minimum I would have been there 5 months before I conceived . This would allow me time to get stuck in. It might take me months if not years to conceive .

I can’t stop obsessing about a baby. I want to do it asap . I have done the sums and we can do it . But I’m sure my employers won’t be impressed if after 3/ 4 months I tell them I am pregnant !?!?

I don’t know . Am I taking the piss?! If want to return to work once the baby was9 months . I know I am a good worker . I however know I will not be on full form whilst pregnant .

I know I need to be employed 26 weeks before baby is born .

AIBU?

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 22/08/2022 10:04

it’s usually 26 weeks by the 15th week before the week you are due which starts the Sunday I believe. It generally works out that you have to have been employed for a week or so before your last menstrual cycle but I wouldn’t cut it this fine. This is only to qualify for basic SMP and Leave.

do they not have an enhanced mat package? I waited 6 months before ttc to qualify for better mat benefits so I get additional pay, sometimes you have to wait a year.

It could take a while, or, like me we got pregnant first cycle off contraception without actually trying.

Original poster
pinkballonsandbabies · 22/08/2022 10:18

Hi , I am happy just to receive the standard SMP. I have saved abit to cover loss while on maternity. I’m more just terrified of what they will say or think of I get pregnant within a few months of working in new role …

OP posts:
Dinoswearunderpants · 22/08/2022 10:22

I guess this depends if it's simply a job or career. If you care about your role and experiences there, then I'd hold off TTC.

Saying that, you might not become pregnant right away so you might be there a long time before it happens.

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/08/2022 10:22

pinkballonsandbabies · 22/08/2022 10:18

Hi , I am happy just to receive the standard SMP. I have saved abit to cover loss while on maternity. I’m more just terrified of what they will say or think of I get pregnant within a few months of working in new role …

If your boss is like me when a member of staff (I was a secondary school headteacher) came in to tell me she was pregnant within a short time of starting the job - it happens more than you probably think - they'll arrange their face into a smile, say "Congratulations! When is it due?" whilst internally thinking "Oh, bollocks..."

It happens. Unless you're on a contract which means they can terminate your contract within a relatively short time regardless of pregnancy, why are you "terrified"?

anotherpotoftea · 22/08/2022 10:25

I wouldn’t put TTC on hold, especially if you’re not that young. You don’t know how long it will take.

DogsAndGin · 22/08/2022 10:32

Go for it OP. You can’t have your reproductive life dictated to by employment. I’ve worked as a recruitment consultant and have successfully placed visibly pregnant women in high-powered, high-paying roles. If you’re the best for the job, your employer won’t mind losing you for up to a year. The whole point of employment law is that it’s there to protect pregnancy - because being pregnant is no good reason not to employ someone. So don’t give it another thought. Best of luck TTC and in the new job

HotDogKetchup · 22/08/2022 10:42

I have been in a similar position and just wanted until I passed probation.

Youve got to live your life OP. Get on with what makes you happy. If you’re a good employee maternity leave and having a baby is a very small break out of what could be a long employment.

HotDogKetchup · 22/08/2022 10:42

DogsAndGin · 22/08/2022 10:32

Go for it OP. You can’t have your reproductive life dictated to by employment. I’ve worked as a recruitment consultant and have successfully placed visibly pregnant women in high-powered, high-paying roles. If you’re the best for the job, your employer won’t mind losing you for up to a year. The whole point of employment law is that it’s there to protect pregnancy - because being pregnant is no good reason not to employ someone. So don’t give it another thought. Best of luck TTC and in the new job

This is so refreshing to read. Thanks for sharing.

mumofbun · 22/08/2022 10:43

In my experience, its always awkward telling your work that you're expecting and will be taking a chunk of time off. I'd just start not not trying if that makes sense and if you get up to the end of the year then step it up a notch. Just be aware that as well as it taking longer than you think it might happen sooner than you think...

Original poster
pinkballonsandbabies · 22/08/2022 10:47

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/08/2022 10:22

If your boss is like me when a member of staff (I was a secondary school headteacher) came in to tell me she was pregnant within a short time of starting the job - it happens more than you probably think - they'll arrange their face into a smile, say "Congratulations! When is it due?" whilst internally thinking "Oh, bollocks..."

It happens. Unless you're on a contract which means they can terminate your contract within a relatively short time regardless of pregnancy, why are you "terrified"?

Show quote history

@VickyEadieofThigh
im terrified that for 6 months the other staff will be critical of my choice and I’ll feel extremely awkward whilst pregnant! I’m sure they will say - we have to take on her work, why would she do it so quickly , what a piss take?

or maybe that’s just me being over the top!!!! But I was in my previous role 4 years and I got that response when I broke the news !!!!!!

I will be working in a teaching role but I won’t be Class teachers. So I won’t have the guilt of being off and a supply being brought in . I’ll be one of 3 teachers in an early years facility.

OP posts:
incognitopurple · 22/08/2022 10:49

@pinkballonsandbabies go for it, life’s short. I think it’s relatively normal

FallopianTubeTrain · 22/08/2022 10:51

I'd check your employers mat leave policy. I know you said you're not bothered but in my case conceiving in the second month of trying rather than the first meant that DH and I were able to take a year of shared parental leave at full pay due to how generous our employers enhanced packages were but there was a minimum qualifying time that met by a few days. We didn't check before I was pregnant which looking back feels like both fate and utter madness!

babyjellyfish · 22/08/2022 10:51

How old are you, OP?

Eixample · 22/08/2022 10:55

You might want to wait a month, what if your baby is born at 24w? Unlikely but not impossible.

LionessesRules · 22/08/2022 10:56

I'd wait one period after your start date before ttc, just to ensure you meet the SMP requirements.
But otherwise, go for it.

Imaginary · 22/08/2022 10:59

If this is your only consideration, then go for it.
I got pregnant about a month into a new job, and I wouldn't go it again, but it's because early pregnancy was very tough on me. Being super exhausted and nauseous while trying to onboard and learn all these new things was very tough.

But no one at work said anything negative about me going on maternity leave.

Seemslikeaniceday · 22/08/2022 11:06

As pp say wait until you have your first period after starting your new job to ensure you get SMP.

check occupational entitlement as waiting a couple of months could be worth ££.

Yes it causes a problem for employers but it is a routine one with many tried and tested solutions. It’s their issue to cover Mat leave not yours. Most will, as a pp, say congratulations whilst internally go oh crap.

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/08/2022 11:11

Just say it was a happy accident!

HippeePrincess · 22/08/2022 11:12

Eixample · 22/08/2022 10:55

You might want to wait a month, what if your baby is born at 24w? Unlikely but not impossible.

What’s that got to do with anything?

Eixample · 22/08/2022 11:16

HippeePrincess · 22/08/2022 11:12

What’s that got to do with anything?

Show quote history

She says that she needs to be employed for 26 weeks before the baby is born. Perhaps she needs the maternity pay? She doesn’t say that money is irrelevant

PicaK · 22/08/2022 11:27

Well there you go. You get the negative reaction no matter when you get pregnant. So don't let that sway you.
And time is not kind with fertility so that 3-4 months may be much longer. Or not, hopefully.
If you want a baby go for it. Work is work.

Original poster
pinkballonsandbabies · 22/08/2022 11:27

@FallopianTubeTrain
Hi, I know you are right but it is a small company ! I’m worried if I ask to see the Mat Policy in the first month they will be wary ! In my last job they had all the polices on website but not here !

OP posts:
Hopelessacademic · 22/08/2022 11:39

I say go for it!
Although... maybe wait a month, because otherwise, the way pregnancies are counted, you might miss out on mat pay by 1-2 weeks, which would be a bummer!

HelloAllll · 22/08/2022 11:45

DogsAndGin · 22/08/2022 10:32

Go for it OP. You can’t have your reproductive life dictated to by employment. I’ve worked as a recruitment consultant and have successfully placed visibly pregnant women in high-powered, high-paying roles. If you’re the best for the job, your employer won’t mind losing you for up to a year. The whole point of employment law is that it’s there to protect pregnancy - because being pregnant is no good reason not to employ someone. So don’t give it another thought. Best of luck TTC and in the new job

A high powered high level role is completely different to a "normal every day job". The people you refer to will be available in very small quantities and as such the employer, if they want/need this level of expertise and experience will have to be more flexible. It sounds like op is a teacher or teaching assistant, both of which are availble in much higher numbers. Supply and demand

HippeePrincess · 22/08/2022 18:30

@Eixample that’s not how any maternity policy works it’s always worked from the due week (Sunday before the EDD) not when the baby is actually born 🤦🏻‍♀️