To think FIL was not joking

[Footbal]

MIL had a medical procedure last Friday after being unwell for months. She is not in good health but refuses to do anything about it even though she has all the resources available to her. My DH has been worried about her for months and feels guilty that he doesnt spend much time with her.

Anyway FlL text in the group WhatsApp that the procedure had cost more than expected and could the family contribute. My DH has three brothers. They all said yes of course they would. A couple of days later FIL replied saying that he was joking as he just wanted to see who he was keeping in his will.

My DH told me last night,I was pissed of because DH had offered to contribute without consulting me first. We have 3DC and have only just secured a remortgage to build an extension. We are in our current home 12 years so long overdue. We have never asked for a penny of any relatives and would never.

MIL and FIL are extremely well of. I just don't think it was a joke from FIL. It looks like MIL will require more looking after and I think he was testing the waters for the future. I'm pissed of with DH and FIL.

The whole point is that they can more than cover their own expenses but if they think they can get money of their sons then they will. We had a bad leak in our home two winters ago. Not one offer of help from them. My next door neighbour offered us showers ,use of her bathroom and gave my children tea and biscuits whilst we were having the house repaired. PIL live 3 minutes walk away and did nothing. We actually stayed in a hotel for 5 days whilst the boiler was fitted and kitchen was ripped out along with the ceilings. PIL have three spare bedrooms by the way.

This.

He didn’t say how much he’d put in.

It really does sound like he was testing the waters.. Maybe thinking out loud to himself 'what if these bills pile up' and the first thing he thought of was 'maybe the kids will contribute, I'll ask' and now he knows they will so he pulled back and said it was a joke..
He can use this now going forward 'oh remember you said you'd pay for that, well now your Mam needs this so can I have your contribution'..

If this procedure was free how can he say it cost more than expected then ?

@Rowen32, exactly

i am one of 5 children we all have different disposable incomes. Although we’d all contribute certainly the expectation would be what we could afford. I might be able to put in a couple of hundred my sister a few thousand for example. It’s lovely he was willing to contribute and help out but that doesn’t mean he was going to Over commit.

I don’t see eye to eye with my in laws and it can make me very sensitive to some silly things they do. I wouldn’t read too much into it and just say to DH that you’ll need to agree on any sort of help or contribution they might need in future given how tight things are time wise or money wise.

I'm worried when the time comes that MIL needs more help that my DH will want to contribute.

If course he will want to help, it's his mother!

@KrisAkabusi, He shouldn't be asked up contribute though when his parents have the money. We have 3DC and a mortgage to pay.

Before my father died I contributed quite a lot of money to his care. My family are quite wealthy in terms of assets but probably not cash rich. I would be furious with my husband if he objected to the money I spent. I did not discuss it with him.
I also paid for his funeral. It is about my love for my father, not about counting up the beans. My parents brought me up, they don't owe me anything as an adult.

@Footbal I see where you're coming from.
It's his DM but when the chips where down they didn't help you.

Of course your first priority is to your own kids.
If the GPs we're never there for the GC well you get what you sow.

Spell it out to him.

Of course you want to support your mum, in any way she NEEDS.
Would you like your DC to give up an after school activity so your parents can feel financially supported?
Would you like your DC's home to be half finished, while you help your parents maintain their lifestyle?

Sounds as though the inheritance is a carrot being dangled to ensure compliance, even if it was all a very poor joke. I, for one, could do without strings like that attached. And if OP has taken nothing from others whilst they're alive, I don't see why she would need to start once they're dead.

I'd have a few words to say if my DH allocated funds from our joint finances to his parents - who did a less than exemplary job as parents but that's incidental - without even consulting me. That's a joint marital asset and income, and with the necessity of other expenditure needed for her household and children she is justifiably pissed off, as I would be.

The hell with 'that's his mother', that's her money too.