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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Or expecting too much?

10 replies

Wonderingmum77 · 22/08/2022 08:21

ABIU? I don’t know if that’s the correct question. Maybe it’s more, am I too attached? Am I expecting too much?

Myself and DH had our DD in April this year. My DH has always played cricket. When I was pregnant he said he wouldn’t return to playing until I was ready. 2 weeks after DD was born he went off to cricket and that was that. He’s played every week since.

We did have an argument about that and it was all sorted.

I have been going to watch DH play cricket and have made a lot of friends who are also partners. Is become a real community space for us, I do enjoy going.

However, I do sometimes feel a bit better. He works all week, and gets the weekend off. I sometimes feel hurt that he only wants to dedicate 1 day a week (Sunday) to family time.

I sometimes get asked to see friends on a Sunday. DH is more than encouraging for me to go, however I’m really reluctant as I know it’s our only family day.

DH is amazing round the house and helps with all night feeds etc. he is well and truly involved. So it’s not that I’m doing “everything” that’s the issue.

I guess i feel a bit hurt he doesn’t want more time with us. He’s always encouraging me to see friends without DD but like I said I’m reluctant as I long for more family time!

The cricket season ends at the end of September, so I guess we’ll have our weekends back.

We have had many arguments about how I feel, but it’s hard because I do enjoy going. But I don’t feel like it’s quality family time, as I’m there spectating… and still doing the childcare!

I get that DH needs to have stuff that helps him be him. And if I ever have plans he is the first to drop everything to have our DD so I can go off out. But I want him to drop everything to spend time with us all.

Do you think this is hormones? Do I just need to bite the bullet and meet friends on a Sunday. Or do you think I’m right to dedicate Sundays to family time. Pls be kind x

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 22/08/2022 08:24

I don’t think it would hurt for you to have some Sundays out with your friends! Do you get any time at all away from your baby? I know they are still tiny but an hour to be you might actually do you the world of good. Maybe give it a try.

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 08:33

DH is amazing round the house and helps with all night feeds etc is he amazing? Or is he just pulling his equal weight as should be expected?

Thatiswild · 22/08/2022 08:37

I completely understand this, but maybe don’t go and watch every week, perhaps see friends with kids on a Saturday sometimes to mix it up and the you’re all together on the Sunday. Mix that with some Sundays you seeing friends alone. Even if it’s a couple of hours’ walk and coffee in the morning while they’re getting ready for a day out later? I totally get it though. I couldn’t hack my husband doing a hobby for an entire day a week I don’t think, too many other things have to take a back seat.

litlealligator · 22/08/2022 08:37

Sounds like a nightmare to me, I don't think it's reasonable for one parent to expect to get half the weekend dedicated to their hobby every weekend.

Choconut · 22/08/2022 08:47

Why doesn't he do cricket during the season and you have Sunday as family time and then when the season ends you have Sundays to do your thing and Saturday can be family day. I think it's nice to have a family day but also nice to have your own things/time. Or why don't you see friends who also have kids while he goes to cricket sometimes? All go to soft play or something maybe.

I don't think he's doing anything wrong, you just need to find a way to make it work for you too.

Wonderingmum77 · 22/08/2022 08:48

@fufflecake I’d say he does an awful lot. Which is why I feel bad about moaning about his hobbies.
He does the majority of the housework. Does night feeds whenever he doesn’t have work. I guess things are pretty equally split, however in comparison to others he does a lot! We have lots of friends who’s baby dads have never even done a night feed

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 22/08/2022 08:50

Is cricket seasonal? Is this his only hobby? You've said he encourages you to have Sundays as timeout with your friends so why don't you ?

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 08:53

Wonderingmum77 · 22/08/2022 08:48

@fufflecake I’d say he does an awful lot. Which is why I feel bad about moaning about his hobbies.
He does the majority of the housework. Does night feeds whenever he doesn’t have work. I guess things are pretty equally split, however in comparison to others he does a lot! We have lots of friends who’s baby dads have never even done a night feed

Ok good just checking. I wouldn't compare him to your friends, just his fair share.

Is cricket a seasonal thing? So soon it will be over? I'd make sure you get equal time away too.

lailamaria · 22/08/2022 15:01

people are going to jump onto your husband op because he's currently got a hobby, i do think your concerns are valid but also you've literally said that he'll drop everything to make sure you get to go out away from the baby for a break, so i do think you're being a little unreasonable

PhatPaws · 22/08/2022 15:04

Sounds like a nightmare to me, I don't think it's reasonable for one parent to expect to get half the weekend dedicated to their hobby every weekend.

Why?

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