Can't help but worry about my DD ?

[singingstar]

She's two and a half.

I can't work out whether my expectations of her are just too high ( I suspect, just from inexperience with children in general ), or if something is wrong.

She goes to nursery and they say she's absolutely developing normally, according to her age. Is that reassurance enough would you say ?

She's quite unruly sometimes and doesn't always listen. She can be pretty defiant. Obviously has tantrums when she can't get what she wants.

Language wise, she is being raised with a couple of languages in the mix, but her main one is English for sure. She speaks in sentences, but doesn't respond to what's your name. I've been trying to teach her that for ages, but she just doesn't respond. She knows her name, as she says it when she's referring to herself sometimes or when she sees herself in a mirror or in a photo.

It takes her a while to learn people's names. I have noticed some children in her nursery know her name, but she won't refer to the children by their name, rather a generic term - like child. The world is split between children, mum and dads and grandpa and grandmas. It's super cute, but takes a while for her to refer to people by name, if she does it at all.

Also she doesn't respond to how old are you? I've also tried teaching her that for ages.

At nursery they say she's bight and confident, defiant at times and knows what she wants. Surely they know if something was not right ?

I feel like I've always been worried about her. But I suspect that's really because of her, but I think I have really high expectations of what a child her age should be able to do perhaps. I would say I expected her to be at her current level of understanding about a year ago.. which is probably just silly.

She struggles to play age appropriate board type games. She sometimes plays, but most of the time, she just throws stuff up in the air. I guess she can't be bothered..

She also does this weird shaking thing when she's angry and can't get her way sometimes. She clenched her fists and shakes a bit. I tell her to stop and she does. Sometimes she laughs afterwards, like she finds it funny.

Instead of worrying about if your child is doing all the right things for her age (she is), maybe you should read parenting books so you can be doing parenting right? Then you can give yourself a hard time that you didn’t feed her regularly enough that she has to drag you to the cupboard to be fed, insisted she played board games before she understood the concept and took her to tennis and was disappointed when she didn’t understand that either.
No one wants to grow up being criticised for not being good enough, it’s how you destroy a person’s sense of worth. She may have challenges or she may have gifts or both or be perfectly average. Just love her, listen to her, play with her and tell her she’s a great kid every day.
My grandson is two and his best trick is to pee on a bush in the garden, other than that he’s a funny little Neanderthal.

She's 2. They have a huge range of idiosyncrasies at that age. You can't even compare two you made yourself!

Ds has been with the same group of kids in an extracurricular group since he was 5. He's in double figures now. He still couldn't tell you any of their names.

She does play with the doll house and do pretend stuff with the dolls. Like sitting them at the table to eat or on the sofa to watch TV. She also tucks her dolls in at night, kisses them, puts bibs on them and pretends to feed them. It's very cute. She also straps her dolls into her swing in the garden and then pushes them.

I knew the tennis lesson would be a disaster. I thought there might be other two and a half year olds there and they would just teach them to throw the ball, very simple stuff like that. Running back and forth to the net. They did do the running to the net, which she took part in and loved. She really had so much fun, even if she wasn't ready.

In terms of board games, they're for her age range. So super super simple and she has enjoyed them a few times, then other times she just throws them all up in the air.

But totally get what everyone is saying, thank you.

Point taken. However I wasn't truly disappointed about the tennis, because I thought that's how it would go.

And in terms of accusing me of not feeding her properly... I mean, are you saying it's not normal for child to ask for a snack, ever ? Is that always a sign she's not fed properly ? I was really pleased when she started being able to ask me for food to be honest ! She also asks for water sometimes, I also thought that was a good sign that she's able to communicate her needs. And before you say, why does she not have water at all times, sometimes she may have dropped her cup behind the sofa and I haven't noticed- so she asks me for a drink. This is normal I think..:

What I was trying to do is write the post from your daughter ’s point of view. You need to work on your own anxiety. It is not a competition. Your insecurities are colouring every interaction you have with your child. You are overanalysing every microscopic daily event or accomplishment. I would say to you sign yourself up to a good parenting course so you learn how to react in a more positive, relaxed way.

I totally take this on board.

Tennis! Not a chance.

My 2.5 year old is just grasping very basic jigsaws and tbh I thought this was brilliant as my eldest took to that a bit later. Just let her be.

If you are an anxious person (as I am) it it sometimes difficult to gauge whether the little bell ringing in your mind is intuition that something's wrong or stupid anxiety being a knob. People say 'trust your instincts' but you can't always.

It's possible that your instinct is right and she will eventually need additional help. Mothers often know. But for now she is doing as expected for her age and her development sounds completely normal so I would focus on that. You seem unlikely to miss it if she does need help later on.

She sounds similar to my DD at that age. Don’t compare her to the other children, they all develop differently when they are little and a month or two can make a huge difference. My DD was a defiant little thing, very bossy and set in her ways, she is nearly 16 now. She is a great leader, stands up for what she believes in and always looks out for those who struggle to speak up for themselves. She definitely was a handful as a child but I’m so so proud of her.

I have a 2.5 year old and he wouldn't respond to what's your name/how old are you either. He's not particularly interested in structured, sit down activities as he'd rather do his own thing. I think it's pretty normal for this age (I have an older one too).

Coincidentally, I've been trying to teach him colours for a while. I'd given up as he didn't seem interested at all. The other day, he was painting and suddenly said 'I need blue' and then started listing a few of the paint colours. I was really shocked! They obviously do listen to more than you think

Are the children at nursery who know names slightly older? Even a couple of months makes a difference as so much can change!

Take the pressure off and just follow what she's interested in. She might feel frustrated if you try and get her to do things based on expectations. Concentrate on what she enjoys doing - she sounds absolutely fine.

I think some of them are younger ! They've known her name for ages. When she comes in, they say ' hi XXX '

And some of them when they see me say ' hi XXX mum ' !!

I don't think your expectations are off base exactly - my younger son started playing board games at 2, not like chess but things like Orchard toys simple ones, I wouldn't have thought to try them with a child that age but I have an older one so gave it a go. He also attends a football class and has done since he was 2 and can follow instructions.

However, I do think your DD is in the normal range and you will likely find that she has a big leap at some point

Just because the manufacturers put an age on a box doesn’t mean the toy is actually intellectually suitable for most children of that age, just that they can’t choke on small parts. 🤷‍♀️
You child sounds fine. My child is high functioning SEN and if you’re concerned the main thing to find out is whether they’re doing the things on the two-year developmental checks yet. Mine isn’t. At 3 years old. I can’t imagine my child at a tennis lesson or sitting down for a board game.

That's exactly like my girl ! She loves playing hide and seek and peekaboo and chase type things. She loves do be outside and playing with sand and dirt and water. Recently she's been into pretend play with dolls and her doll house. So she's starting to sit down a little and just plays on her own a bit, rather than always wondering around.

One of the board games she has is literally just two cards, the front and back of an animal and you need to put it together. It's hardly a board game !! She sometimes gets it right. It says it's from 18 months. It's so simple and when you read the milestone stuff, she should be able to do it for sure. That's all I meant when I said board game.

She likes to draw and paint. She knows her colours. She can count to 20 and knows the abc song of course. She also is starting to say ABCDE when she sees big lettering on the side of a box for example.

I think she's starting to recognise numbers, so when I draw an 8 and ask her what it is, she usually gets it right. Im trying to do the same with letters. I don't even know when they're supposed to recognise number and letters. But she's starting to. I don't do it a lot at all, but a few times. Perhaps it's wrong and I'm pressuring her and I shouldn't ask her about it.

Sounds like a perfectly normal 2.5yo, just relax a bit.

Language is always slower to develop when a child is being brought up bilingual. No need to worry imo.