Leaving an abusive relationship...

[tryingtobestrong2]

Hi all, I'm crying as I type this. I never thought I'd be the one in this situation, but even as I'm facing all of the facts I still struggle to decide - is this domestic abuse? Mentally? Or is this just a toxic relationship?

Im 25 and am trying to find the courage to leave my partner of 15 months. I've tried/wanted to try so many times before, but it's always easier to stay. Last night things came to a head. This is some of the things that happened:

• he got hammered, sniffed a load of cocaine and was extremely angry
• he refused to leave my flat
• he tried to steal our cat/take it with him
• he told me he was going to show a very private photo of me to my employer (I'm a teacher)
• he was making threats about killing either himself or someone else

When I rang the police, he held his phone to my face with said photo on the screen and said "your career's over" - so I had to hang up. The police asked me to come to the station today as they were concerned by what they heard in the background of the call, I had to lie and say we are fine and were just drunk.

I've told him today it's over, but he's saying how sorry he is and how it was the drink and the drugs and he's making me feel like he's going to hurt himself If I leave him.

I'm a strong person, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave.

I drove 3 hours and have paid for an AirBnB as I am broken. Please be kind, I just need someone to talk to and I haven't told my friends anything

Xxx

Well done for leaving. Do you have friends or family who can help you? You should definitely file a complaint with the police.
There is no future with this man, you are in danger and he is blackmailing you to stay with him.

I do have amazing friends but I struggle to open up about my problems until after they've happened. My mum says I should go back to the police too

You need professional support and advice, OP. Leaving an abusive relationship is absolutely the right course of action but you need help to do so safely and you need information on how to stop this man from contacting you (e.g., non-molestation order).

I would suggest you call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

I would call the police back and explain that you were coerced into hanging up the other day and could not come to the station at that time because you were in danger from him. Get the police to accompany you back to your flat and call a locksmith or if you are able to, change the locks yourself. Do not worry about this utter shartgoblin harming himself! They never do and if so, so what! If he threatens anyone else, again it is a police matter. As for the private picture, remember that threatening to show this to your employers is blackmail, which is illegal, as is any form of revenge porn. Good luck and well done for getting away. Do not let anyone minimise your situation, including the police, as this is a dangerous time. Tell the police of his prolific drug use. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Glad you are talking to your mum about it. If you were my daughter (similar age), I would be in my car to rescue you!

He is behaving appallingly, illegally and abusively. He also sounds dangerous, and I would really rather you didn't hang around to get hurt. It is hard to leave, took me a long time. What helped was to ask myself what I would advise a friend or someone I cared about if the same thing happened to them, and then ask myself why I was worth less than that (because the answer was always, get the heck out of there).
Lots of help out there for you, and please try and talk to your friends. Good luck honey, you got this x

@Grumpusaurus 'shartgoblin'. Perfect description. 🙂

Thank you so so much all of you. I'm going to look at this thread when I'm feeling weak. I know I have an easier, calmer life just around the corner xx

Yes you have, and it is in your hands 🙂. Relationships should not be like this. Learn from it and move on (swiftly! ). Sending positive thoughts x