Won't let family meet DD!!

[MinaN]

Is it wrong of me to not was my dads side of the family to see my DD? (sorry for the length of this one)
My dads family is from scotland and growing up we would visit 2/3 times annually. They had never come down to visit us and it seemed we were always putting in the effort (they would come to england for their own activities but even then never drop by to see us). However when i was 13 my aunt (dads sister) began having children and we were immediately dropped. No argument had happened nothing to trigger other than us being replaced. No more birthday cards, christmas wishes, no communication at all, whereas my cousins would be (rightfully) spoiled rotten with towers of presents and family trips. My mum battled cancer, we went through my sisters diagnosis and heard nothing from them. The last time i had seen them in person was when i was 16 (almost 10 years ago) at a funeral where my dads mother had mistaken my sister (5 years younger) for me and then couldn't remember my age and consequently tried to set me up with a fully grown man AT A FUNERAL! With that i cut off all communication as i had had enough and haven't spoken to them since. My dad has since partly become reconnected but i refuse as it caused my so many issues for me growing up and feeling i was easy to replace (and although i hate to admit it still does). My dads mother recently found me on facebook and has reached out saying she would love to meet my DD!! I was absolutely furious and never replied but my dad seems to think i should give her a chance, which i am very against. Not only would i not like it for how i was treated but afraid they would do the same to DD. Am i the asshole for this?

Families are complicated, especially where distance is involved. People get married, have kids, get busy .. and time flies by. When someone isn’t in your doorstep it’s easy to let things slip.

my sister lives abroad, I’ve not heard from her in a year (long story!), but if she got in touch, I’d be there for her.

It’s up to you what you do - people can’t make amendeds if you don’t let them, but, if you believe it would be detrimental to you, don’t do it.

Well it's up to you really
But having recently lost my sons grandad who they haven't seen in seven years for complicated reasons ,life's to short imo .

Naa, I would go fully NC after this catalogue of shitty behaviour by them. Do not expose your DD to these terrible people!

I wouldn’t be bothered with that at all. Your child won’t benefit from being introduced to random strangers and nor will you. I think there’s a particular breed of relative who crawls out of the woodwork when a baby arrives and usually disappears again pretty sharpish, and I’d imagine this might end being the case here.

If you don't have a relationship with her I don't see why you'd want your child to.

No. Why introduce your dd to that nonsense?

You have to do what feels right for you. From the summary you posted I think I would be happy with low contact to see how it goes but that’s me. I have relatives I will never have contact again from cjoice

No. They are virtually strangers to you now and treated you like shit. Why would you want to introduce your dd to that?

No chance they would see my children. I have had ‘family’ try similar, I didn’t even respond. Don’t be guilted into it, whatever choice you make should be yours.

Appreciate the reply's for making me feel a lot less like im in the wrong. DD has plenty of love from people who have always been there for me my family and partner and would much rather have people like that in my child's life!

Ask them why they're interested in your child, when they weren't interested in you ?

Should be interesting to hear the response.

I'd be putting in as much effort to a relationship with them, as they did with you.

You don’t owe them anything.

it does sound odd that your grandparents cut you off so completely.

are you sure there wasn’t more to the story?

If someone doesn't have a relationship with me they don't need to have a relationship with my child. I would need a lot of bridge building done before I would even consider introducing them to DD in your shoes.

Thank you Mrs Dadmum forgive me if I have got confused somewhere but I don't think it would be appropriate for me to be travelling 300 miles with my child for them to meet someone who is virtually a stranger to me, for no benefit to my child. So thank you, but no.

So this is your grandmother who did this?

Awful behaviour.

Why on earth would you bother is right.

Wouldn't dream of entertaining it.

Isn’t it funny how people suddenly want to be involved the moment a cute little baby comes along? I’ve been in a very similar situation. I put it off and I’ve not heard from them since, which I’m glad about. I don’t want my DD getting to know these people and then feeling hurt when they show no interest in her later on and favour other relatives closer to them (which was my experience). Her life is no worse off from them not being in it. Quite the opposite actually!

According to both sides nothing has ever happened, my grandmother was just 'bad at technology' and 'couldn't work skype' yet still managed to call her other grandchildren everyday! The only thing she has ever said was that she felt she left things too long and felt uncomfortable reaching out so i forgave her multiple times. Think i've only ever had 2 phone calls from any of that side of the family in my life!

That’s tough. She just didn’t care enough. I’m sorry.

we recently reconnected with an elderly aunt. She didn’t make much of an effort while we were growing up. My dad rang and visited, no effort from her at all - she never asked about my brother, sister and I.

she is in her eighties now and is making comments about how we never visit😔.