Dad's death

[Picturesintheclouds08]

My Dad passed away recently and there is something really bothering me.

Prior to visiting him in the Chapel of rest, I had only ever seen one other person in it.

When I seen that person I seen it more of it was just their shell and their soul wasn't there, their soul was in a better place.

When I seen my Dad recently I didn't feel this way and it worries me.

I think the reason it worries me is because prior to COR I pictured him as with his family in spirit and around us as a spirit, but in a better, happier place.

I don't feel like that anymore. It wasn't him in the sense of it looked nothing like him but it also didn't seem like 'his shell' where his soul was in a better, happier place.

All I can now picture, constantly, can't get it out my head, is him in his coffin, looking the way he looked, in the dark, alone and it makes me feel sick to my stomach and so so sad.

I suppose what I'm looking for here is anyone who has ever felt this way.

I think I have made a mistake in visiting the COR and I can't help how 'wrong' It feels that he is alone now and I can't bare the thought of it. I cant bare the thought of him not being in spirit with his family and being in a happier place. I absolutely hate the thought of where he is now and it consumes my thoughts all day long. I feel guilty for eating, watching tv and most of all for climbing into my comfy bed at night and all i can see is him in the dark. 😔

Awwww, I'm so sorry. Must be so tough for you. Your dad IS in a better place now though, and whatever he looked like in The COR bears no reflection to his happiness or how he was when he died... He will be looking down on you and worrying that you are upset and stressed though. So please don't beat yourself up over things out of your control, and that don't need worrying about. 😘Your dad is at peace now, and you have no need to worry. Please don't upset yourself. xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss.
When I visited my sister in the Chapel of rest, she had been deceased a few days as we had to hold off on her funeral (Irish, traditionally everything is done within three days), it was quite distressing but what helped me was to remember the body is just the shell- that's all that is left, and our spirit has gone to the better place.
It sounds like what you have is survivors guilt - I had that too - maybe look it up to help give those feelings a name. You are so worthy of a good life and that's what your dad would want. But take your time to mourne and grieve. Life will feel better again I promise you.
Sending you kind and gentle thoughts xx

I'm so sorry for your loss ♥️

My Grandparents raised me and when my Gramps died of cancer, I chose not to visit him in the chapel of rest as I'd spent a long time with him throughout the final weeks, laying on the bed and talking to him, cuddling etc.

When my Nanna died, it was sudden, in hospital with a chest infection next thing I was called at work and told to get to hospital, she'd been talking and laughing the day before. I turned up and they told me she had lung cancer, I asked how long she had and they said she won't make it through the next few hours. I was in so much shock that I sat with her until she passed an hour later and I couldn't process it.

So for that reason, I went to visit her. My aunt went in first and told me she looks "okay but not like Nan" and it was my decision. I walked in and could see her arm from the door and she looked like wax. I made the mistake of looking at her and I could see the suffering still on her face from dying, she was bloated, waxy, her face didn't look like her.

I left pretty quickly after kissing her forehead and for a long time, I cried in bed about her being like that.

It's cliche, but time heals. I no longer think of that image when I picture her or think of our happy memories. I can see her face made up in her favourite make up and her hair perfectly blow dried how she always had it. I really have to think hard now to remember what she looked like in the COR.

I take great comfort in believing they are together again, they married at 16 and both died in their 60s and she suffered terribly without my Gramps. (I'm not religious but I do believe our souls will meet with the souls of our loved ones again one day).

Sending a huge cuddle, do not feel guilty about doing what YOU need to do to get through this and process it and grieve. If you need to lay in bed, do it. If you can't go through the day without crying, accept it. If you find something funny, laugh. You are human and this is one of the best things ever said to me after I lost them.

Thank you to you all and sorry for your losses ❤️

Sorry for your loss. Whatever your religious belief, your Dad has left his body - a vehicle for this earthly life - his physical body remains, but the soul/spirit, whatever you want to call it, has departed. Whether he is with others departed, or reincarnated will vary according to your view of the world.

When my aunt died, there were problems getting the death certificate, and I asked that there was not a "viewing" of her body. I was later told that is what the undertakers advised, although I had taken that decision independently. I felt this was the right decision in the circumstances.

When a colleague at work died, I was invited to sit with the family at a funeral where there was an open coffin. His widow honoured me by inviting me to sit alongside her. My colleague looked different from how I had known him; I felt it was important to respect the wishes of his family.

The important thing is that you remember the happy times together. Treasure the memories you have, and focus on the living. Your Dad is no longer with you in person, but lives on with you in your memories. Speak to him (as if he were still there) if you find that gives you comfort.

Wirh passage of time, your final image of your father will likely become diluted a bit, with other happier memories more prominent

Bless you, OP. I don't know how to offer comfort except to say that I was with my late partner when he passed, and distinctly 'felt' his soul leave. Your dad is not alone in the dark. When we die, it is like taking off an old coat that we no longer need. It's just his coat, there in the coffin. He is at peace now. I don't know what you believe - but I believe that our souls do continue elsewhere.

Thank you to you all and sorry to each and everyone of you who has experienced a loss ❤️

I'm so very sorry for your loss! My heart hurts for you. I wish there was something else I could say or do that would make things better. Just know that you are not alone.

Sorry for your loss, but please don't overthink this. Or torture yourself about it.

Grief is a weird bitch and will come and bite you on the ass when you least expect it.

It affects everyone differently. And there is no 'normal'.

Keep talking to friends and family and us. And take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Dad.

Can you have a chat with someone from your religion. Id imagine that they would be able to comfort you and put your mind at ease.
Also have you family or friends who you can talk to about him? Can you look at some photos or videos. The time in the COR is just a little snapshot of his whole existence. It's early days and it's understandable that it is difficult for you to look at the bigger picture.

So sorry for your loss. 🌹
I found my DM after she'd passed, and found it difficult to get away from picturing her like that in my head. I have to actively change the thought if it comes into my head. I either think of a happy memory together, or I imagine my parents together somewhere 'else'. It's almost a physical effort to stop thinking of the upsetting image. Her life was much more than that short space of time until the coroner came. Time really does help.

I am so sorry for your loss.